Some neighbors feel hopeless, others are thrilled. How to keep sane in this divided American moment

The news of late feels like a roaring avalanche that shows no signs of slowing.

For some, including anti-abortion advocates, recent headlines such as the Supreme Court overturning Roe v. Wade represent a reason to rejoice.

But for many others, the incessant updates – whether on abortion rights, gun control, political discord or climate change – can feel paralyzing and dispiriting. Worse, they risk further polarizing relationships within families and neighborhoods.

That’s why, psychologists say, the time is now to both vigilantly practice self-care and – if you do connect with those holding opposing opinions – seek common ground.

“We’ve had a cascade of crises to deal with, from mass shootings to inflation to the war in Ukraine, and let’s not forget the pandemic killing more than a million people,” says Atlanta-based psychologist T.M. Robinson-Mosley, founder of The Sports Mental Health and Wellness Playbook. “Trauma has a cumulative impact.”

Robinson-Mosley says there are a few keys to avoiding feelings of hopelessness and despair and staying grounded in these unstable times.

The first and arguably most important is acknowledging and validating your anxiety because it is shared by many.

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Poll: We as a nation are more stressed out than ever before

A March poll by the American Psychological Association revealed that a majority of Americans reported high stress levels due to financial concerns, inflation, the pandemic and the Russian invasion of Ukraine.

Specifically, 87% agreed that it “feels like there has been a constant stream of crises without a break,” prompting APA CEO Arthur C. Evans Jr., to note that while “Americans have been doing their best to persevere over these past two tumultuous years, the data suggests that we’re now reaching unprecedented levels of stress that will challenge our ability to cope.”

Robinson-Mosley agrees that “these days it’s normal to feel completely out of it.” That’s why it’s important to find “people who support you, stay hydrated and get rest, and try to engage in tasks you can complete from start to finish.”

This last tip is echoed by Roger Miller, a clinical psychologist and neuropsychologist with Aviv Clinics in The Villages, Florida. Miller says “helplessness is always a false perception,” one that is best countered by methodically tackling a project.

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“Just aim to do one thing, doesn’t matter what it is, and approach it step by step as you would climbing a mountain,” he says. “We don’t have the power to change everything we want changed, but we can accomplish specific things we set out to do. And that’s more important than ever now.”

One key component to making sure that task is completed is judiciously tuning out headlines and social media, says Kimberly Frazier, president of the American Counseling Association.

“We’re already dealing with a long-running pandemic and years of social unrest, so it’s critical to both spend time with people who make you feel safe and turn off the stuff that gives you anxiety. Go on a social media and TV diet.”

Quieting the noisy world around you provides an opportunity to embrace new self-affirming challenges. “Learn a new skill, set a sports goal, or give back to your community,” Frazier says. “Focus on ways to cope.”

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With those holding opposing views, 'promote talks that are less charged'

If your coping skills are solid and you feel bold enough to engage in discussions with family and neighbors on the major social issues of the day, do so without aiming to change hearts and minds, experts say.

Miller says use phrases such as “I have some differing views on this topic” that are meant to de-escalate. “We can agree to disagree, and go on with our lives and have friendly interactions.”

Frazier adds that “finding that common ground between us promotes talks that are less charged.”

She suggests bonding with neighbors who might hold different opinions over mutual concerns such as parenting, education and simply juggling the hardships of life.

While it might be tempting to try and convince others of your own point of view, that tactic is bound to fail in these politically fraught times, experts say.

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“You have to be sensitive because politics seems to have replaced religion as core identity now,” says Bill Doherty, professor of family social science at the University of Minnesota and co-founder of Braver Angels, a nonprofit focused on increasing dialogue between political extremes.

Doherty, who often trains other therapists on how to help families have productive conversations, says never go into a conversation thinking “that when you’re done, someone will go ‘Gee, what was I thinking!’ Because that’s not realistic.”

Rather, he says, “project the sense that you’re there to listen and try to understand where they’re coming from, while also expressing how you may feel.”

That, he says, is in essence the foundation of the American democratic experiment and something worth preserving at all costs. “For our democracy to function, we have to be willing to engage people who are different than us.”

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USA has 'always been on a collision course,' and swung to extremes

Presidential historian and Rice University professor Douglas Brinkley says that Americans have always been faced with times of deep division, notably during both the Civil War and the ensuing years of Reconstruction.

“We are 50 different states with regional identities, so in many ways, we’ve always been on a collision course, but we’ve also had times when we’ve forged a great consensus,” says Brinkley.

“During World War II and then the Cold War, we fell into lockstep,” says Brinkley. “Now we have a rift over a lot of birthright programs, from education to a women’s right to choose, that had once seemed untouchable.”

He believes the nation will eventually work its way back to more of that. Events such as 9/11 proved to have a galvanizing effect that highlighted similarities over differences.

“At a local level, I don’t think politics are as draconian,” he says.

Keeping things local is in fact a vital way to navigate these difficult times, psychologists say. Making sure we highlight the ways in which we are similar is critical to any talks on topics where we differ.

“Try to practice compassionate empathy,” says Robinson-Mosley. “So, if someone is against abortion and is faith-driven, you can say ‘I don’t agree with that, but I understand your perspective.’

“Ultimately, aim to have conversations that are not about agreement or disagreement,” she says. “If you’re trying to have empathy for others, just know that listening to them is not an endorsement. And dialogue need not be a debate. I know people are digging in more than ever, but that’s why it’s so important to try and be part of the solution.”

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This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Roe v. Wade, gun control, politics causing record stress. What now?