New Mummy Blog: Please Stop Judging Our Babies
There’s an anti-SATS movement that’s gathering momentum at the moment, with parents and teachers across the land organising a ‘kids strike’ for the day of the exams in early May.
The message behind it is 'Let Kids Be Kids’, and that at six years old it’s all too much. That’s a bit of a nutshell, but it’s the basic premise that got me thinking.
My kids are one and two, so miles away from these Year Two tests. But the measurement and judgement of them, their behaviour, their abilities and milestones are already happening. From all quarters.
The professionals
There’s the one year check, the two year check, and every excuse to check in between. For us, it’s been a series of tick box forms followed by a brief visit from the health visitor.
“Can she jump with both feet clearing the floor?”
“Yes. Shall we get her to show you?”
“No. That’s fine. I’ll just tick the box.”
When I went to them about my concerns over my youngest not yet walking, or showing any interest in trying - “Oh! We’ll come and do a SOGS*!” they said enthusiastically.
*Schedule of Growing Skills to you and me.
So round they came, with another tick box form. They got him stacking bricks, picking a duck out of a selection of toys when instructed, making marks on the paper. (But did they want to see him trying to walk? Umm. No).
Each little test was scored and at the end the points were added up to fit him nearly into one little bracket or another. I felt like we were waiting for his A Level results, at the ripe old age of 16 months.
We’re no closer to identifying any potential issues with his mobility. But at least we’ve got it on record that he can stack four bricks.
It’s not just the health professionals, who to be fair, are actually employed to measure our children. The judging comes from far and wide and in far less measured or scientific ways.
Those without children
Oh how free and easy. In life and in judgement. The woman in church who commented on my daughter’s bare legs (okay so the church pew probably isn’t the best place for her to decide to take her tights off, but I accepted it as the lesser of two evils versus the meltdown/wrestle to keep them on). Or the couple who took one look at us and rejected the table they’d been offered (next to ours) in the most family-friendly restaurant in town, even though my children were sitting eating their pasta pomodoro as good as gold. Or the man who stared disapprovingly at the toddler’s fairy cross bandit cross dinosaur outfit of the day. Who has no idea of the daily battle just to get her dressed and out the house.
Small child behaving self in restaurant [Copyright: Yahoo/Claire Sparks]
You don’t have to think my child is gorgeous or an angel or a wonder. But if you haven’t had to tackle 15 rounds of negotiations with two small beings yet to grasp reason before your morning coffee, please cut us some slack when we let the odd crazy outfit through.
Those with children same age
While the child free might judge in oblivion, those with children of a similar age do it with a far sharper edge; that of competition.
“Oh, he’s not walking yet. My child has been since 11 months. Are you worried…?” Yes. Yes I am. Thanks for pointing it out.
Those with older children
How quickly they forget. That you can’t have an unbroken conversation with two tinies around who still need near-constant supervision.
They look visibly annoyed when you stop mid-sentence to prevent some near catastrophe. Then can’t help but glance proudly at their six, seven, eight year old who’s sitting quietly. Conveniently forgetting the time you witnessed their child pick up an entire pizza and wipe it down the clean, white wall, when they weren’t much older than your kids now. But hey, who are you to judge?
