Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: Why do rich people hate drapes?
The author is amused by research showing that wealthy Americans tend to avoid drapes in the windows of their homes. (Photo: Courtesy of the Nebraska Examiner and NextHome Integrity)
Did you know rich people don’t cover their windows? I didn’t, until I saw the headline in “The Atlantic” recently.
It was only a smidge ironic that I had to stop reading the article because a paywall popped up and I didn’t have a subscription. Guess who has window coverings in every room of her house.
Mercifully, and somewhat mysteriously, I was able to read the article in its entirety a few days later. The paywall giveth and the paywall taketh away, it would seem.
But back to the tea: Rich people eschew drapes, curtains, shades, sheers, blinds, shutters—all of it—in favor of bare-naked windows throughout their homes. “The Atlantic” reports (for free!) a study all the way back in 2013 revealed Americans who earned more than $150,000 per year were twice as likely to leave their windows uncovered as those who earned $20,000 to $29,000. Nine years later, the lack of curtains, drapes, any window dressings at all, has been dubbed “the wealth flex” of 2024.
As in: “Lookit me! Peasants, behold the many large paintings in our well-lit, elegantly wallpapered and tastefully appointed home, not a single one of which came from a furniture store! Feast your eyes upon the very marbly marble countertops in our bazillion-dollar chef’s kitchen wherein we heat only the finest takeout offerings delivered via Door Dash driver. Take a moment to admire our tablescapes featuring pre-Columbian bowls filled with sustainably grown citrus fruits you’ve never heard of and probably can’t pronounce.
Come closer. Press your ragamuffin noses to the window glass so that you might better observe our safari kills, tastefully overstuffed sofas and assorted sparkly crap. Ewwww. Not that close. I was only kidding. Rosalita! Windex!!”
I’m not sure why this article has affected me so deeply. Perhaps because, long before I’d heard of this, I loved driving through our town’s fancy folks section at night, admiring pretty interiors while pondering the curious lack of window coverings allowing me to snoop. The Gladys Kravitz within me was tickled with this unexpected reveal but also puzzled. Were they showing off? Surely not. Turns out they were!
As a formerly proud member of Team Curtains, Drapes, Shades, Shutters and anything else to keep out prying eyes, it’s hard to understand why anyone, rich or not, would want to live their life, interacting with family and friends in, essentially, a Macy’s display.
Do rich people honestly never have the urge to flop onto their couches in their undies and a T-shirt with a snack, sucking nacho cheese sauce off their fingers as needed? Do they really not care about the neighbors knowing they’re watching “Love After Lockup”? Talk about things best done in private.
While being on display in every room all night seems like the exact opposite of How Rich Folk Act, “The Atlantic” reported “allowing a view into your home can seem vulnerable but it is actually a statement of security.”
Do what?
Turns out rich Americans are belatedly embracing the longstanding tradition of the Dutch who, having completely screwed up making a shoe you can comfortably walk in, moved on to concentrating on windows.
According to “The Atlantic,” Dutch people let their neighbors see inside their homes as an act of faith, a sort of “communal trust.” Similarly, drawn curtains are treated with suspicion. What’s going on in there Hans? Are you up to something you shouldn’t be? Like shoemaking?
In the U.S. it’s less about “communal trust” and more about state-of-the-art security systems.
Curtainless windows are the ultimate symbol of privilege. You’re so rich you practically dare someone to break in and take your baubles because you know they will fail miserably.
Meanwhile, I’m outside your house eatin’ popcorn and watchin’ y’all read your phones instead of talk to each other. See? We’re just alike.
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