Yes, This Is Better. But This Election Cycle Still Feels Like a TV Series Gone Wrong.

Hahahahahahaha, oh, OK. Wow. Wow! Well, here we go, losers: time for another unprecedented moment in American history!

It took just over three full weeks for Joe Biden to drop out of the race after the Very Bad Debate, so long that we almost got used to the breathless, minute-by-minute “will-he-or-won’t-he” news cycle. And, look, maybe this is good news? The polling was against him, the donors were dropping out, and members of his own party were turning against him: Joe Biden was never going to make it into a second term of his presidency. He lost the minute he did those C. Montgomery Burns arms while shuffling away from a podium. So his decision Sunday—after weeks of speculation that he was finally coming to terms with his own limitations as a candidate—feels like the only possible path toward the election. It’s not even that surprising that he won’t be on the ballot in November.

And yet. And yet! There I was, learning about the end of this particular chapter of democracy while trying on jorts 50 percent off at a Gap Outlet, my mouth agape at the not-surprising but still-shocking news. “It’s Joever,” I told the cashier as he rang my jorts through. ($19.99, what a deal!) “What is?” he asked. I didn’t know what answer to give.

The United States is currently operating like it’s in a late season of a show that’s been going on for too long and the writers have kind of run out of stuff to plot out. “What if we give them a plague?” one writer suggested in 2020. “Ooh, I know: a coup!” another offered in 2021. This year, the writers seem to have collaborated together on one final plot line for this show that’s maybe been going on for a little too long. Either Biden’s decision to leave the race will save a deeply flawed democracy still in need of a reset or the whole thing collapses in on itself like a sandcastle when it gets wet.

Here’s the glass-half-empty version: The Democrats remain a weakened party, now going into an election with a candidate who’s been so memed to death that I can no longer think about her without also thinking about coconuts. Vice President Kamala Harris, though more popular than Biden has been in the past few months of his presidency, is still not more popular than Donald Trump. Her appointment to the head of the ticket is in no way a guarantee that a new kind of calm might be restored. Besides, there remain big questions around what a Harris ticket looks like, from whom her vice presidential pick will be to how she plans to address the most potent Republican presidential candidate in the history of this television show I now hate. This doesn’t mark an inevitable turn for the Democrats; in fact, a Harris candidacy might mean an even more dynamic enemy for the Republicans to lobby against. After all, Harris is not just a woman running for president, but she’s the first woman of color to cinch the Democratic nomination. The Democratic Party continues to look stressed and unsure of themselves; meanwhile, the Republicans are staying the course, even if the “course” in question feels demonstrably evil at times.

Meanwhile, the mood following Biden’s announcement seems to be swaying wildly from establishment Democrats who feel like Biden was bullied out of the job to establishment Republicans who really wanted to run this election against a remarkably weak candidate. Between those two poles is everyone else: people who knew Biden’s path to victory was unlikely, that he needed to drop out. What would have been ideal is if he had made that decision months—years?—ago, as opposed to now, when the election is happening in about 45 seconds. And sure, a lot of countries handle their elections in mere weeks, but what is this, Canada? Disgusting.

After all the lack of clarity of the past few weeks, we now have a more solid plan going forward. So what now? Well, that’s the thing. No one knows! Biden had to drop out; it was the only way forward, and it is indeed a blessing that he did it now instead of losing the election (and perhaps bankrupting the entire party). But there are no sureties in this race. The writers who are plotting this storyline don’t seem to follow any kind of clear logic. We’ve jumped the shark a thousand times already. Anything could happen, because everything has already happened.

In place of the low-grade dread around Biden’s possible loss is now a low-grade dread about how this still might not work. We still might get another Trump term, now made worse by J.D. Vance, a large balloon with a face drawn on it who believes women should stay in violently abusive marriages. Soon, we’ll have to stomach plenty of hand-wringing about whether a woman of color can be president, discourse that I’m sure won’t send me directly to a psychiatric ward. It feels like a relief, but not one we can trust, like diving into a pool on a hot day only for the water to be made of Baja Blast. Thank God! But also: What the fuck is this??

Kamala Harris said it herself, quite famously now, after she and Biden won the first election. “We did it, Joe,” she said, joyous in victory. But the “it” in question wasn’t always clear; she had no idea what we were in for, nor did we. We never do. But I sure am excited to see her debate Trump face-to-face—that’s one episode of this cursed show I’m actually looking forward to.