Our next House Speaker? How about Morgan Freeman, Oprah Winfrey, or Travis Kelce? | Opinion

When I came home Monday night and complained to my wife about my day, she said, “Well, you had a better day than Kevin McCarthy.”

Point taken.

But as I’ve been thinking about the recently former Speaker of the House, unceremoniously ousted by Democrats and a mini-coup in his own party, it occurred to me that his departure creates a unique opportunity for Congress to pick a speaker more appealing to the American people.

It’s a historically little-known fact that due to an oversight in the Constitution, the House Speaker doesn’t actually have to be a member of Congress. All it says is “The House of Representatives shall chuse their Speaker and other Officers.” (Do these guys need an editor or what?)

At least three members of the House Clown Caucus, Georgia’s Marjorie Taylor Greene, Texas’ Troy Nehls and Florida Man Greg Steube, have floated former President Donald Trump’s name (of course they did), although there are questions of whether House rules allow it, him being under indictment and all.

Too bad, because there’d be a certain poetic justice in the people who created Trump having to put up with him on the daily.

But I think we can do better, so here’s a list of my nominees for speaker, and what they could bring to the honorable office:

Morgan Freeman — We loved him as the Speaker of the House in “Olympus has Fallen.” He also has previous experience as vice president in “London has Fallen” and president, twice, in “Angel has Fallen” and “Deep Impact.” The guy’s a real problem solver and looks great in a suit.

Oprah Winfrey — Imagine the surprise reveals: “Today is Earmarks Day, so I want you to all look under your chairs . . . You get a bridge to nowhere!!! You get a brand new farm subsidy!!! You get a new parking garage for your baseball stadium!!!”

Bridgette Donald-Blue — The California teacher of the year filled in for a day on Wheel of Fortune when Vanna White was sidelined with COVID-19. She has tons of experience dealing with unruly children, which is actually the primary qualification for being Speaker of the House.

Travis Kelce — Because duh, Travis Kelce. America knows him as the guy dating Taylor Swift, but beyond that, dude’s got skills. If you can sell Pfizer COVID shots, State Farm Insurance, DirecTV and Campbell’s Soup all in the same football broadcast, you can probably sell a budget deal. And carrying a bill through an obstructionist committee would be child’s play after you’ve carried a ball through NFL defenses. Touchdown!

Vladimir Putin — Say what you want about the guy being a ruthless dictator, a homicidal maniac and a threat to start World War III, he does know how to control a legislature, you gotta give him that.

Elon Musk — He knows more about everything than everyone and can run anything better than anybody. Just ask him. And just look what he’s done with Twitter — sorry, X.

Richard Barnett — You may not recognize the name right off, but he’s the guy who invaded the Capitol during the Jan. 6 riot, broke into the speaker’s office, and was photographed lounging in Nancy Pelosi’s chair with his feet up on the desk. So he has previous experience. You might even say he’s a natural.

Sen. Robert Menendez — If Captain New Jersey turned his amazing superpower of shaking down middle-easterners for gold bars to good instead of evil, our national debt would be a thing of the past — and we wouldn’t have to argue about shutting down the government every three months.

Those are just some of my nominees.

Feel free to suggest your own, and the reason why, in the comments sections below if you’re reading this online. If you’re reading this in print, e-mail your nominations to dlefler@wichitaeagle.com.

Let’s keep this going.

Your Congress, and your country, are calling.