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"Dominion Voting Systems is suing Rudy Giuliani for $1.3 billion," James Corden reminded viewers on Tuesday's Late Late Show. "Well, after publicly declaring that he was ready for the legal fight, it turns out Giuliani's spent a week dodging process servers who were trying to hand him the lawsuit. They had to catch Giuliani and serve him the papers. This should 100 percent be televised. This should be a challenge on The Amazing Race. What a fall from grace Giuliani's had — he went from being the president's personal lawyer to basically living out the plot of a Bugs Bunny cartoon. You know who should be serving Rudy Giuliani these papers? Sacha Baron Cohen. Wouldn't it be great if Borat served the papers?"
"If they really want to get those papers to Rudy, they should have just had Borat's daughter stuff them in his pants," Jimmy Kimmel joked on Kimmel Live. But Dominion really did have "a heck of a time serving him with papers. You know, in order to sue someone you have to touch them with the document to get the lawsuit going. But every time the process server got close, Rudy would transform into a bat and fly away. No, but really, at one point the server jammed the lawsuit into the door of an SUV Giuliani got into, but Rudy's doorman grabbed an umbrella and pried it out onto the ground."
"Rudy Giuliani isn't on the list at CPAC," this weekend's Conservative Political Action Conference, but Donald Trump is making his first public post-presidency appearance there Sunday, Kimmel said. "How much McNugget rage weight do you think he's put on?"
"With all the crises facing our nation, conservatives are focusing on the most pressing issue of all: Fascists being kicked off of Twitter," Stephen Colbert said at The Late Show. CPAC's theme this year "is 'American Uncanceled.' I didn't know America was canceled! Although I'm not surprised — the last season was pretty unbelievable. A pandemic and Nazis? Okay, pick one. We've jumped the shark," he said. "Still, better than last year's CPAC theme: 'Giving the Flag the Clap.'"
"In the last 24 hours, all the biggest stories involve old men crying," Colbert said. "It's like being at Denny's the day they discontinue the $6.99 Super Slam." Who cried? President Biden, Attorney General-designate Merrick Garland, and a NASA Mars lander manager. Giuliani's tears went unremarked.