NJ vigil to mark violent deaths of people with disabilities: Where caregivers can get help

Gene Myers, NorthJersey.com
·3 min read

Over the last four decades, advocates say, some 1,600 Americans with disabilities have been killed by their own parents, family members and caregivers.

Looking to draw attention to that shocking statistic, the Alliance Center for Independence, a Central Jersey nonprofit, will hold a vigil in front of its Edison office on Wednesday in tandem with more than 30 other events being held simultaneously around the U.S.

The nationwide Disability Day of Mourning began in 2012 after the slaying of George Hodgins, a 22-year-old man with autism from Sunnyvale, California. In March of that year his mother shot him point-blank in his bedroom, after telling neighbors she could no longer care for him, and then killed herself.

Millie Gonzalez (center, in wheelchair) attends an annual vigil to highlight violence against people with disabilities, who have been murdered by family members and caretakers.
Millie Gonzalez (center, in wheelchair) attends an annual vigil to highlight violence against people with disabilities, who have been murdered by family members and caretakers.

The vigils have expanded over the years as people recognized the widespread problem of violence against people with disabilities, said the Alliance Center’s executive director, Carole Tonks.

Five hundred and fifty of the murders have taken place over the last five years, says the Autistic Self Advocacy Network, a Washington, D.C., group that tracks such killings.

The list, according to the group, includes Mount Laurel’s Sharon Mook, an 82-year-old who was stabbed to death in her nursing home last May. Her husband, Dan Mook, was charged with first-degree murder. Burlington County prosecutors said he claimed the killing was meant to end his wife's pain and suffering.

Other disability rights groups participating in the vigils Wednesday include Not Dead Yet, the National Council on Independent Living, the Disability Rights Education and Defense Fund, ADAPT, and the American Association of People with Disabilities, organizers said.

Sympathy is often directed at “these poor parents who couldn’t handle their disabled children,” Tonks said. “Disabled lives are valued less than people without disabilities.”

Tonks shared a personal story to illustrate how hard parenting a disabled child can be, while also emphasizing her point.

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“From a parent perspective, my son is severely autistic," she said. "When he was young, he would go for days just screaming, banging his head and not sleeping, and at one point he was up for three days and he was just screaming his head off.

“I was sleep-deprived and I was at my wit’s end," she continued. "I didn't have help, and I actually locked myself in the closet and I called my mother and said, 'Please send somebody over here to help me, I can't take it anymore.'"

Her mother came, as did others and they told Tonks she had to leave the house and and get some rest.

“I don't care what you go through, as a parent, as a caregiver, you have no right to take the life of anybody," Tonks added. "Your son or your daughter, that life matters. You don't have that right."

Wednesday's vigil will start at 6 p.m. in front of the Alliance Center for Independence at 629 Amboy Ave. in Edison. Anyone interested in speaking at the event can email Tonks at ctonks@adacil.org.

Where family, caregivers can find help

Parents and guardians seeking support can contact the state's disability ombudsman, Paul Aronsohn, at (609) 984-7764 or support group Mom2Mom at (877) 914-6662.

The New Jersey Department of Human Services also lists these resources for caregivers on its website:

Gene Myers covers disability and mental health for NorthJersey.com and the USA TODAY Network. For unlimited access to the most important news from your local community, please subscribe or activate your digital account today.

Email: myers@northjersey.com

Twitter: @myersgene

This article originally appeared on NorthJersey.com: NJ Edison vigil highlights violent deaths of people with disabilities