Oh, shut up: How to end an irksome conversation, politely or otherwise | Ervolino

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Plenty of plucky conversation starters have been with us since the dawn of time. Most are awkward, but serviceable.

What about conversation enders, though? How do you amiably let people know that it’s time to change the subject, shut up or both?

I was watching one of those highly educational British television shows last week, when a couple of amusing words and phrases jumped out at me and inspired today’s thrilling ruminations.

I think the show was “Hard Talk.” Or “Dateline London.” Or…

OK, if you must know, I was watching Season 5 of “Love Island UK” — because Season 8, the most recent season, ended two months ago, and I’ve been heartsick ever since.

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If you’ve never seen “Love Island UK” on Hulu — which I prefer to its American knockoff, “Love Island USA” on Peacock — it’s one of those compelling reality shows where super-attractive 20-somethings go to a lush, private villa in Spain, sit by the pool in their thongs and Speedos, work on their tans and struggle mightily to find L-O-V-E.

And, yes, they talk.

A lot.

One expression that these UK kids say rather frequently is “innit” — a teeny piece of British slang that basically means, “Isn’t it?”

As in: “The weather is lovely today, innit?”

Or, “My belly button is an outie, innit?”

As near as I can tell, young Brits insert this contraction into almost every sentence. In fact, they use it so often that I’ve started using it, too.

And that’s kinda weird. Innit?

Another phrase these kids seem to enjoy using — almost nonstop — isn’t new, but it seems to be back in vogue on both sides of the pond these days.

The phrase: “It is what it is.”

Last week, in one 44-minute episode, I heard the phrase used 17 times by these kids. (Yes, I counted.) But British 20-somethings in bikinis aren’t the only folks using it.

Back in June, my brother was telling me how difficult it’s been lately to find experienced body and fender guys to work in his auto body shop.

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Like a good reporter, I proceeded to ask him 45 questions about this situation. He replied with: “It is what it is.”

I nodded and let it go — although I’m not sure why, since when I thought about it later, I found myself wondering, “It is what it is… WHAT?”

I received the same vague response from my friend John earlier this year, after he told me that his unmarried daughter and her unmarried boyfriend were expecting some unexpected company.

“How is your wife taking all this?” I asked.

He raised his shoulders and said, “It is what it is.”

To which I replied, “Well… yeah…”

End of conversation.

Before my brother started courting “It is what it is,” he appeared to be going steady with “It’s all good.”

According to one online dictionary: “‘It is what it is’ is an expression used to characterize a frustrating or challenging situation that a person believes cannot be changed and must just be accepted.”

Whereas, “It’s all good” means “No worries,” or “Everything is fine.”

When you come right down to it, though, both sayings may subliminally suggest that the person doesn’t want to go into any more detail, or he’d prefer not to argue with you, or he’d prefer to stop talking altogether.

“Sorry I got into that whole political thing with your other guests last night. I was just…”

“No need to apologize. It’s all good.”

(Yeah, but is it, really?)

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As someone who will say just about anything to just about anyone, I kind of admire how some people can politely end a conversation without hurting anyone’s feelings — whether they’re sitting around a pool in their thongs, arguing over the news, or just trying to get through a family dinner.

Some other tips to help avert conversational misery: Insert transitional phrases like “anyway” and change the subject if things have become too personal. Offer the person a drink (or coffee, etc.) to break the tension. Excuse yourself from taking too much of their time. Tell a joke.

If the conversation has become too heated, offer to look into the topic some more and continue discussing it at a later date. And, while you’re at it, try not to raise your voice or offer “evidence” to back up your point. (They won’t care.)

If it’s obvious that you want to end the conversation and they persist, anyway, excuse yourself and walk away.

When I was 10 or so, my mother would often signal me or my brother while she was talking on the phone for too long and press her index finger in the air.

One of us would then open the front door and ring the doorbell.

And, she would then say, “Oh, there’s my doorbell! Gotta go!”

Easy. Innit?

This article originally appeared on NorthJersey.com: How to end a conversation, politely or otherwise