Oklahoma City native is recognized as Military Mentor of the Year
When Ashley Sylvester was faced with yet another Father's Day she didn't know how to celebrate with her two boys, she turned to Clavis "Carl" Gilbert.
The family didn't know how to put the pieces back together after the death of their husband and father, Sgt. Jason Sylvester, and Ashley told Gilbert, a mentor with Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS), that she struggles every year because she can't "just bypass the day."
Gilbert, who is stationed in Washington, D.C., but was in Oklahoma City visiting his father, surprised the Sylvester brothers and took them out to dinner.
"That was the point where this snapped in their head like, 'Oh my gosh, these people really do care,'" Ashley said.
An Oklahoma City native, Gilbert received the honorary award of 2023 Military Mentor of the Year from TAPS on March 23 in Arlington, Virginia. The recognition was given on behalf of Gilbert's commitment to mentorship for children of fallen soldiers.
TAPS is a national nonprofit organization that provides national support to families grieving the loss of a loved one in the U.S. military. Gilbert, along with 700 other TAPS mentors, cumulatively dedicated 32,566 hours to the organization in 2022.
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“You can tell from the second Carl walks into a room full of TAPS kids that his heart is in this,” said Bonnie Carroll, TAPS president and founder. “He honors the lives of those lost by providing care and a safe space for their children. His heart for our mission inspires us all."
Gilbert, a chief warrant officer 4 for the U.S. Army, graduated from Millwood High School in 1996 already enlisted for the U.S. Army to be a military policeman. He was the drum major of the school band and worked at the Oklahoma City Zoo as the driver for train tours. He described his childhood home as having a "revolving door" for the children in his community.
"My parents always just taught us the easiest way to feel good about yourself is to do something good for somebody else," Gilbert said.
Gilbert joined TAPS after the death of his friend, Marvin Marcelle. Marcelle was also a warrant officer, and Gilbert had mentored him throughout his training process.
Marcelle, a mentor for TAPS at the time, urged Gilbert to join. Gilbert, who was a single parent of two and active in other organizations, simply didn't have the time to join.
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Shortly after becoming a warrant officer, Marcelle was stationed in Germany for his first assignment where he was killed in a car accident. His body was flown back and buried in Arlington, Virginia.
"It was so abrupt," Gilbert said. "I learned through my mom when we lost her a way to kind of process that more is to figure out a way to honor that person ... after the service, I was just in my car and I signed up for a TAPS event. I only planned on doing one."
Gilbert couldn't imagine the impact TAPS would have on him.
"I learned from TAPS how to process and honor someone's life ... I learned that through talking to children," Gilbert said.
Jacob Sylvester, 16, was one of those children. Jacob lost his father when he was just 9 years old. The Sylvester family found connection, emotional support and mental strength through TAPS.
"I saw them smile again for the first time," Ashley Sylvester said of her two sons. "They opened up in the Good Grief camps. ... It brought them to a place where they were starting their grieving process."
Jacob met first met Gilbert at a TAPS event in Dallas and connected through their mutual Oklahoma background.
"It's not something you really want to be open about," Jacob said. "It's so hard for people who don't know our situation to understand it. ... (Carl) has given me advice about dealing with it, how to cope with it. He relates to me. He's someone I can connect with that I know has the same feeling."
Grief resources
Surviving families grieving the loss of a loved one can often feel lost and unable to get their lives back on track.
Calm Waters is an Oklahoma City-based grief support company that provides grief counseling and support groups.
"For anybody who has experienced a tragedy in their life, especially if it involves death, it is one of the most healing things to do is to seek community," said Erin Engelke, executive director.
The TAPS National Military Survivor Helpline is another resource and is available 24/7. A trained professional will always pick up the phone at 800-959-8277.
"Grief doesn’t follow a schedule, and often the loneliest times come at night, or on weekends or holidays," TAPS stated on its website. "We’re here for you at the other end of the TAPS National Military Survivor Helpline."
This article originally appeared on Oklahoman: Oklahoma City native is recognized as Military Mentor of the Year
