Old House Handyman: Fur what it's worth, pet hair removal tool works

I just finished combing an entire kitten’s worth of fur out of our living room rug.

Gross, right?!

But hey, don’t be too judgmental, especially all of you pet owners. We have three cats: a neurotic, geriatric duchess of the house named Jobie, a friendly and playful Alice, and her dopy brother, Ralph. Collectively, they wear a lot of fur, some of which ends up on the rugs and furniture, especially this time of year.

I tell them to shed their stuff outdoors, but like children in muddy boots, they do not listen to me.

So, I sweep our house top to bottom at least once a week with a Dyson that could suck the peel off an orange. I should probably run it more often, given that some residents of this house insist on wearing their outside shoes in the house, but I do my best.

Note: I do not wear my outside shoes in the house. I have a Mister Rogers pair of slip-ons at the front door and I’m pretty faithful about dumping my outdoor shoes at the front door. This is a habit inspired by years of sweeping the house – and sweeping the front porch and sidewalk so that whatever leaf litter and grit is on them doesn’t end up inside the house.

Not being judgmental! Really!

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So, some stuff destined for the Dyson ends up on the rugs. And that includes cat fur. And our cats must be sneaking Gorilla Glue, or something like it, into their diets, because their fur sticks to our rugs like one half of Velcro to the other.

I run the sweeper over our living room rug like a bulldozer over Intel’s new site in western Licking County – over and over again. I can see the fur, and most weeks, it looks like I’ve gotten most of it.

But then I pull out the “Uproot Clean” handheld scraper and run it across the Oriental rug. And suddenly, enough fur to cover a kitten appears.

I used the same scraper on a spot on the couch where dopy Ralph likes to hang out with me in the evenings. I got enough fur to at least cover a mouse, which, if it were a mouse, Ralph would sit back and watch Alice catch.

After hearing me complain about how I could never get the living room rug completely clean with the Dyson, my bride – aka the Internet Search Queen – went online to find the uprootclean.com "Pet Hair Removal" devices.

I am a reporter at heart, so of course, I was skeptical.

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Oh, my gosh! This thing works so well that I’m considering using it on the cats before they get on the rugs. (I’m kidding, Ralph!)

After I crawled across the floor combing the living room rug today, my bride informed me that the company makes a bigger version of this tool with a long handle, so I could scrape up a kitten’s worth of fur without getting on my hands and knees.

I just checked the company’s website and I see that the tools are on sale. If only I hadn’t just encouraged the Internet Search Queen to spend less money online! Drat!

Alan D. Miller is a former Dispatch editor who teaches journalism at Denison University and writes about old house repair and historic preservation based on personal experiences and questions from readers.

youroldhouse1@gmail.com

@youroldhouse

This article originally appeared on The Columbus Dispatch: Old House Handyman Alan Miller finds perfect tool to remove cat fur