OMG I Want This House: San Francisco
The Daily Beast presents a look at one of the most insane houses in the world.
The mantra for settling down in San Francisco is to live like you’re the founder of a unicorn tech company even if a bookclub is the biggest thing you’ve ever successfully started. As all the tech dons know, you’ve got to fake it til you make it, and there’s no better way to do that than to acquire a $29 million, 9,700-square-foot mansion in one of the most sought after cities in the U.S. (We’re going to leave the details on how you actually afford said real estate front up to you and your accountant.)
This Pacific Heights home enjoys that most rare of SF amenities—four exterior walls that stand free and unattached to any adjacent dwellings. For the increased sun exposure and decreased neighborly racket, you’re welcome.
Just imagine the grand entrances you’ll make when you throw the cocktail party of the season…or at least the party you’re hoping will be gossiped about for the rest of the year. (Editor’s note, please leave the cuddle puddles where they belong—in 2018.)
Minimalism and neutral interiors are the sign of good style and breeding…or the ability to buy good style and breeding. Either way, if this room is any indication, you’ve got it.
The home was originally built in 1912, but it recently underwent a stunning renovation to get the interiors and appliances into tip-top shape, which we’re sure your new chef will appreciate.
I spy with my little eye…the Golden Gate Bridge isn’t the only celebrity that can be seen from the windows and balconies of this mansion. Alcatraz, the Palace of Fine Arts, and the Presidio are all within view, not to mention miles and miles of the San Francisco Bay.
Oh, this old terrace? We just picked it up for $29 mil, no big deal.
When in doubt, a zebra rug is always a good idea, especially when you need something to spice up your workspace. After all, you’re going to be spending a lot of time in the office trying to work off your hefty new mortgage.
Most master bedrooms are pretty damn fine, but nothing compares to this view. Is it inappropriate to invite your guests to sunset cocktails in the boudoir?
The good news is, this is a fabulous closet that will fit all of your most stylish things. The bad news is, despite pictorial appearances to the contrary, the home does not come with brand new gifts from Hermès.
As a child, you dreamed of the day when you’d have a marbled bathroom all in white to call your very own. It’s time to open your eyes and realize that dreams do come true (though they also come with a sizable price tag).
Hold on to your britches, we’re about to share some shocking news. We know real estate is at a premium in San Francisco, but this not-so-little manor has a full sixbedrooms. Feel free to have all the kids you want. (People family plan based on real estate, right?)
Those numerous bedrooms are naturally accompanied by eight-and-a-half bathrooms. There’s no sharing on this corner lot of Vallejo Street.
The interior is all contemporary luxury and beauty, but it’s the outdoor areas where this chateau really shines. We’re talking terraces—plural—including this beauty where you can eat, drink, and be merry in every type of weather thanks to a retractable roof.
You wouldn’t buy a $29 million mansion and then expect to fight your neighbors for street parking, would you? Oh the horrors. But never fear, you now own an on-site garage with space for four sets of wheels.
Scrub a dub dub. This shower will look even more beautiful after a sweaty day spent frolicking in the Presidio just one short block away.
Perfectly manicured topiary? Of course you’ve got it.
Some days, you’re just not in the mood to deal with other kids. On those days, you can swing to your heart’s content in the privacy of your own backyard.
Ok, now you’re just getting greedy. Each terrace is more fabulous than the next but this rooftop palace complete with a pool is the crown gem.
We wouldn’t begrudge you the afternoon ritual of standing on your upper deck, looking out over this view, and screaming “I’m the king of San Francisco.” But we would suggest you keep this habit a secret from the rest of the world.
We’re not saying that making it in high society San Francisco is all about appearances, but if it was, you would definitely be a frontrunner with this beauty to come home to every night.
