I was one of 5 siblings. It's a big reason I chose to have an only child.
I knew very shortly after having my son that I was done having children.
I was the middle child of five siblings and often felt overlooked.
I didn't want my son to have to deal with sibling rivalry like I did.
I remember giving birth to my son and telling my family, very early in my motherhood journey, that I was one and done.
Growing up as the middle child among five siblings, I experienced unfair comparisons. I also had to always consider other people's needs before mine, especially those of my siblings. So if I wanted to have something or do something but they didn't, I became the odd kid out.
This ultimately influenced my decision to have an only child because I wanted my son to not only be able to explore his own interests, but not be stifled in any way because there would have to be a choice between him and a sibling.
Seven years into parenting, I have come to appreciate the profound impact my upbringing had on my parenting approach, and the importance of being able to give my son both undivided attention and allow him to blossom without constant comparison.
I often felt overlooked
Growing up in a house with seven people meant that I sometimes felt overlooked, and we struggled financially at times.
Many of my family's financial constraints started once my two youngest siblings joined the family. As a result, our family faced numerous hardships that left a lasting imprint on my psyche. This included less opportunities to partake in extracurricular activities, get new or trendy toys or clothes, and even condensed living that went from an entire home with plenty of space to a townhome where everyone felt on top of one another.
However, perhaps the most enduring challenge I encountered was the persistent sense of being unfairly compared to my siblings.
There was an unspoken competition between us siblings
In a household teeming with personalities and aspirations, I often found myself measured against my siblings and vice versa, even when we each had unique talents and qualities.
There seemed to be an unspoken competition that affected how we interacted and it didn't feel like it was fair to any of us. I didn't want to be faulted for not being a grade-A scholar or my siblings being faulted for things like being introverted.
When I decided to become a mom, I simply wanted to raise my son in a different way. In addition, I gave birth abroad and had always planned on raising my son as a third-culture kid, specifically due to how young Black children are treated and perceived in the US.
Being abroad without the support of extended family only reinforced my commitment to creating a nurturing and supportive environment for my son. I understood that this journey would demand more of me because I had no relatives or close loved ones nearby, but I was prepared to embrace the challenge wholeheartedly.
I recognize the importance of fostering a strong sense of self-esteem and confidence in my son, no matter what because I was often led to be a people pleaser and insecure due to not having a true sense of myself. Through encouragement and affirmation, I seek to continue to nurture his talents and interests, allowing him to chart his own path in life. Different to some of the experiences I had as a child where some of my interests were overlooked or it felt like I had to be scholarly and even when I would get good grades, it would never be acknowledged or celebrated.
I have learned to prioritize my son's needs and provide him with the love and support he deserves. Parenthood has been a journey of growth, understanding, and unconditional love, and I am grateful for the opportunity to embark on this adventure with my son.
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