Opinion: Football culture not to blame for abusive behavior in the NFL

Deshaun Watson. Ray Rice. Ben Rothlesburger. Antonio Brown. Chad Wheeler. Adrian Peterson.

The National Football League is riddled with men who have extremely poor judgment about the proper way to treat women.

But liberal activists and media pundits, who don’t know the first thing about what it takes to be a part of the NFL, say the problem is the NFL’s "football culture." They’re looking in the right place, but they’re dead wrong about the solution.

To develop the men and women who will end sexual abuse, domestic violence and other abusive behavior in the NFL and everywhere else, let’s start with the savior complex espoused by both the media and the liberals. Anybody who survived domestic abuse knows the last thing survivors need is for someone to come save us. Transformation comes when we look within, hold ourselves accountable, draw strength from people who have our backs, and make the big move from victim to survivor. Victims need saviors, survivors need cheerleaders.

As a former NFL cheerleader for my beloved Cincinnati Bengals, when the players were being mercilessly beaten on the field, I knew it would not help if I threw a helmet on and joined the huddle. The Bengals eventually stopped losing, and last season made it all the way back to the Super Bowl. But that comeback trail started years ago during losing seasons. It started when players on losing teams looked to the 65,000 loyal Cincinnati fans cheering them on anyway, and somehow found the champion inside themselves.

Why do the boys in the media or the girls in their elitist bubbles think it’s any different when it’s women being beaten?

If we want better people in the NFL, and in America itself, we need a culture that celebrates the best in people. American football culture may be "deplorable" to big-city elites who don’t understand it, but that culture, rooted in small towns in "flyover states" like where I grew up, is full of the things that bring out the best in both men and women.

The truth is, real men don’t hit women, and strong women become survivors. Whether you’re wearing pads and a helmet or a skirt and pom poms, football culture will either make you into the man or woman you were meant to be, or it will break you down and wash you out. And the NFL is the ultimate proving ground for real men and strong women.

To thrive in football demands dedication to never give up even when the odds are long and you perhaps doubt yourself. Football requires personal discipline, training and accountability to make one stronger, while everyone else is still sleeping and nobody else is watching. And football humbles even the best of the best to rely on a teammate for help because they cannot survive on their own.

This is personal for me. The only way I escaped and survived domestic abuse was by drawing strength from the lessons I learned from football culture: dedication, personal accountability, discipline and humility. I teach my children these same lessons and encourage them to lead by taking responsibility for themselves while also holding their peers to a higher standard. The NFL could use a few more leaders like that today.

So, before you pat yourself on the back because you retweeted a journalist or activist condemning a "football culture" that victimizes women – check yourself and consider if you are part of the problem.

When the Bengals take on Deshaun Watson’s Cleveland Browns this season, you can count on me showing up, cheering on the players, the cheerleaders, the coaches, the owners and NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell himself. I know if they dig deep enough and embrace the American football culture that brought them to the world’s biggest stage, they will find there is no place in the NFL for anything but real men who know how to treat women the right way.

Lindsay Cole lives in Terrace Park and is a businesswoman and working mom of two, a former professional cheerleader for the Cincinnati Bengals, and a survivor of domestic abuse. She is a candidate for Ohio State Representative and is the president of This Precious Messy Life, a nonprofit dedicated to raising awareness to prevent domestic violence.

This article originally appeared on Cincinnati Enquirer: Opinion: Football culture not to blame for abusive behavior in the NFL