OPINION: A Japanese journalist in King Donald's court

  • Oops!
    Something went wrong.
    Please try again later.

Sep. 4—Yumiko Oshima is an accomplished journalist with an international audience, so it seemed strange she had never been to Scranton.

She arrived Friday morning, on assignment for Tokyo-based Nikkei Asia, one of the world's largest news sources. Yumiko is based in Manhattan and usually covers business.

She was sent here to report on another strange place she's never been — a Trump rally in Northeast Pennsylvania.

"Usually, our Washington, D.C. correspondents would cover," Yumiko explained. "But now because (Trump) is no longer the president, they don't. So I am here."

Most out-of-town journalists parachute into Scranton with a specific story in mind, usually "hardscrabble former coal town struggles to recover, revive, reinvent..." A recent example: An Aug. 8 story in The Washington Post headlined: "Biden's policies have not revived Scranton. But few there blame him."

You get the picture. The lead photograph featured a long-closed nuisance bar on the corner of Biden Street and Jefferson Avenue. Another showed "boarded up shops" on Penn Avenue "off Biden Street." A wider (fairer) shot would reveal the Samters Lofts, an art gallery, Commonwealth Coffeehouse and Patrice B & Co.

The Times Building would fill the other end of the frame, across Penn from the always busy Downtown Deli — at 300 Biden St. Try the scrapple on a hard roll.

Yumiko was determined to get the story straight. I appreciated her polite, professional approach and her commitment to developing an accurate representation of Northeast Pennsylvania people and politics. She asked good questions and took copious notes. She recorded our conversation with an app that transcribes.

"English is not my first language," she explained.

"You'll fit right in with the Trumpers," I said. The crack didn't translate quite as well as I hoped.

The Trump Campaign (for what?) denied Yumiko's request for credentials. She was going to Saturday's rally at Mohegan Sun Arena in Wilkes-Barre Twp. without guaranteed access to the press pool. I advised her to get there early. Few events fill arenas faster than Cult 45 revivals.

She should expect to meet people who fervently believe Trump is still the president and blame Joe Biden for everything. She should expect to see long lines of MAGA "patriots" buying "Official TRUMP merchandise" made in China, QAnon kooks who worship Trump as a "god-emperor" and grown adults wearing vulgar T-shirts with their kids in tow.

She should not expect to see me. Trump rallies are like prostate exams — brutally redundant and guaranteed to end with hard feelings. I've suffered through at least half a dozen of both and have no desire for more. I wished Yumiko luck and asked her to call if she needed anything else.

I walked Yumiko out and returned to my stall in the cubicle farm to find an urgent message. Donald Trump was "counting on me." So was my editor.

For months, I ignored hundreds of daily fundraising emails from the failed former president, but as his Mohegan Sun rally loomed, I clicked on one with the heading: "I'm preparing for my BIG RALLY in PENNSYLVANIA — Can you help me?"

I assumed (correctly) that Trump wanted money, but his other ask was unexpected and irresistible.

Christopher,

On Saturday, I'll be taking the stage for my EPIC RALLY in PENNSYLVANIA.

There's nothing I love more than being on stage speaking to the American People — YOU are what keeps me going, Christopher. But before I get there, I want your input. I'm requesting the help of my most loyal Patriots across the Nation to help me prepare my remarks...

A survey followed, composed mostly of yes-or-no questions. There was no space to elaborate, so I'll do it here.

Have you ever attended a Trump Rally?

Yes. I'd rather have a prostate exam.

Do you want to attend a Trump rally?

No. See above.

Where do you usually get your news?

The Times-Tribune, et. al. (New York Times, Washington Post, NPR...)

Do you trust the fake news media?

No. Fox "News," et. al. are right-wing propaganda mills.

Do you agree we must always protect the integrity of our Elections?

Yes. Especially the one you lost.

Do you agree the Democrats need to put America FIRST?

Yes. But not in the white supremacist, "replacement theory" way you mean.

What topics do you think President Trump should talk about at his Rally?

Of the dozen choices, I picked "Russia."

Five of the next seven questions were boilerplate invitations to praise Trump and bash Biden, but the remaining two were worth answering.

Do you agree that President Trump should continue working to elect strong conservatives around the Nation?

Yes. The Christo-fascist in the Confederate uniform and the TV carpetbagger from New Jersey were excellent, unelectable choices for the Pennsylvania GOP. Please stay close to them through Nov. 8!

Is there anything else you'd like to share with President Trump before he goes on stage? (Fill the blank.)

Please explain why you stole America's secrets and hid them at Mar-a-Lago.

Late Friday, the failed former president hadn't responded to my answers. If I had made the suggested $250 recurring donation, I may have received a personalized form letter thanking me for my input.

I'll check in with Yumiko today to see how she fared at the rally. I look forward to reading her representation of Northeast Pennsylvania's people and politics to her international audience.

Yumiko writes in English, but as someone who has spent plenty of time in strange places, I know how it easy it is to get lost in translation.

CHRIS KELLY, the Times-Tribune columnist, is proud to call Yumiko Oshima a colleague. Read his award-winning blog at timestribuneblogs.com/Kelly. Contact the writer: kellysworld@timesshamrock.com; @cjkink on Twitter; Chris Kelly, The Times-Tribune on Facebook