Opinion: Oakland County exec: My best friend’s suicide deepened my LGBTQ+ advocacy

I was a 31-year-old man with a job I loved, wonderful friends and family, a passion for politics and a growing comfort in my sexual orientation. I saw the road ahead paved with possibilities.

Then my best friend killed himself.

Nothing prepares you for suicide. There may be other life events that are as difficult, but fortunately, I have not yet discovered one.

Michael LaGatella was far more outgoing as a gay man than I was, but he shared my political enthusiasm. At his insistence, we once stood for hours to see Michael Dukakis at Macomb Community College. He was excited to be enrolled at Wayne State University and had found a partner he loved.

Michael didn’t share the reason why he did what he did, but the reality of disparate suicide rates among young LGBTQ+ people was well understood even then.

Several of us poured our grief into creating something meaningful in his memory. We raised $10,000 so we could endow a scholarship at Wayne State that would award $500 a year forever.

What we didn’t realize is the scholarship we created would be the first ever in Michigan for LGBTQ+ students and allies, and only the second in the country.

It’s almost quaint now — three decades later and with an abundance of pride celebrations and a growing list of civil and legal rights — that a scholarship of that size could be historic.

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But it started with an intention to make a difference, and that still drives my work today.

As Oakland County‘s chief executive in a very different era, I still try to remember the lessons I learned all those years ago and apply them to all the communities I represent. Today, I’ve been fortunate to live out my youthful dream of being in politics, but with a deeper appreciation for the meaning of public service and giving back.

I’m more aware of when people are facing challenges. I try to be intentional about giving them a voice, and then working to find practical ways to make a difference in their lives.

It also makes me deeply troubled by recent efforts to turn back the clock on our rights, and the spread of hateful and dangerous threats against many communities. Pride is a celebration of how far we have come as a society.

And as a gay man who has lived through the progress we have made, it makes the recent hatred and backlash seen in antisemitic, anti-Muslim, and anti-gay activities and the growth of white supremacy and extremism even more distressing.

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These storm clouds that threaten our Pride celebrations should not deter us from the very personal value that acceptance brings to individuals each and every day. With acceptance, there is safety and opportunity, and we must preserve that for future generations. That was the intention 30 years ago when we sought to honor our friend, and now, that endowment stands at more than $300,000 with annual awards of more than $20,000.

It gives me hope and determination that progress can be preserved and protected.

Dave Coulter is the Oakland County executive. Contact the Free Press opinion page: freep.com/letters

Suicide Lifeline: If you or someone you know may be struggling with suicidal thoughts you can call the U.S. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255) any time of day or night or chat online.

This article originally appeared on Detroit Free Press: Opinion: My best friend’s suicide deepened my LGBTQ+ advocacy