OPINION: O'Day's impeccable dating advice
Aug. 14—I'm a 31 year old man, 5'7" with a receding hairline, two cats and the body of a Greek god. A team of NDSU researchers is working around the clock to figure out how the heck I'm still single.
After more than a decade of looking for my leading lady, I've learned a lot about dating. So like that obnoxiously perky old guy in the e-harmony commercial, let me help you find your perfect match!
This can be hard to navigate, exacerbated by growing social isolation. American 15-24 year olds
reported
70% less social interaction with friends compared to the same age cohort 20 years earlier. In 2022 nearly 5.5%
fewer
babies were born in North Dakota compared to the previous year. Time to get out there and make some connections my fellow peace gardeners.
Here's some tips for the ladies. Be careful about location settings on the apps. Let's say you live on a dirt road outside of Killdeer. If your Tinder app tells some creep he's five miles and now one mile away from your home, that could be problematic. Always meet up in a public place.
If you lose interest but he's still messaging you, be kind but let him down firmly. I've talked to several women who for some reason feel the need to continue responding to some dweeb because they don't want to be mean. You're not doing him any favors by stringing it along.
Please never mention how much you "hate drama." It will only make me wonder which season of Jersey Shore you've based your life on and how long it's been since your name appeared in my police blotter.
If you find yourself complaining that guys only want sex, you're likely marketing yourself in a way that attracts the hedonic and repels the chivalrous. When seeking a serious relationship, only post photos in which you're dressed modestly.
Based on my experience and what I've heard from friends, Facebook dating, Tinder, Bumble, Hinge and POF seem to be the best dating sites for this area.
Now for the fellas. You have to exude confidence. I struggled with this for the longest time. You would never buy a car from some limp-wristed wimp who can't look you in the eye. Women want assertive, masculine men who seem capable of protecting them. It's a biological instinct, and for good reason.
Expect to get rejected. It's a numbers game that gets less painful and less awkward with experience. I like coffee or ice cream for a first date, that way you're not spending a fortune on dinner and it's easier to leave if things go south. Schedule a phone call before the date. Chemistry is much easier to gauge via an actual conversation. The date will be more comfortable as a stronger level of rapport has been established.
With online dating, presenting yourself in a polarizing manner can prove useful. My bio usually includes the following, "Catholic, conservative Republican, Nickelback fan." That last one is more for laughs. But if you paint yourself as a stark contrast (has to be authentic), it will attract the women who are more your type and deter the ones who aren't. Trust me, there are hotties out there who would absolutely love to nerd out with you on anime, comic books, Dungeons & Dragons, etc. So don't be too embarrassed to mention that kinda stuff.
With photos, generally avoid selfies and definitely keep your shirt on bromigo. Lean toward candid pictures that tell her you have hobbies and a social life. Don't be deceptive, they can smell lies pretty easily.
Prepare to get ghosted, mostly with online dating. Don't become too emotionally invested too soon. I can't tell you how many times I've mentally planned out my white picket fence life with a woman only to be ghosted by her a week later. You're gonna break some hearts and have yours broken.
Like other forms of social media the notifications spur a Pavlovian incentive to compulsively check for updates, especially with a potential mate on the other side of the screen. If you have an iPhone, utilize screen time limits to mitigate the risk of becoming addicted to them (it can happen).
If she gives you her number after an in-person encounter, wait until the next day or at least a few hours to reach out. Signal that you have other things going on in your life besides texting her back right away every single time. The best way to do that is building genuine social capital. Go to church, work out at the gym, attend Live at Legacy Square, join the rotary club. Even if you don't meet someone directly, being socially and civically engaged will make you more appealing to higher quality potential partners. Ask female friends for advice, much of my wisdom was gleaned from them.
A lot of this probably seems like common sense to many readers, but I know there are insecure men out there struggling with the same things I did and I hope it helps. Also, read "Models: Attract Women through Honesty" and "The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck" by Mark Manson. Both books improved my outlook on life.
Happy swiping.
This column does not necessarily reflect the opinion of The Dickinson Press, nor Forum ownership.
