Oshkosh Civility Project | We need to practice civility to instill it in others

At the Oshkosh Farmers Market this summer, the Oshkosh Civility Project had the privilege to speak with many folks in the Oshkosh community.

In my conversations with people about the work of P.M. Forni and the 25 principles of civility there were two common expressions that I heard, “we need this” and “good luck.”

In these responses I saw and heard that these principles matter and that there is a desire for a community that practices them, and at the same time a sense of helplessness as to improving our life together in Oshkosh.

These conversations were bittersweet, as I witnessed hope and grief on your faces in talking about what was thought to be common sense or courtesy being displaced by experiences of hostility, anger and injustice in our day-to-day encounters. It seemed overwhelming to consider how we can make a change and both influence and acknowledge the goodness we see and seek.

This civility we seek is defined by P. M. Forni in his book, “Choosing Civility.” “Being civil means being constantly aware of others and weaving restraint, respect and consideration in the very fabric of this awareness.”

In my conversations at the Oshkosh Farmers Market, I learned from this community that the desire for civil encounters with one another is important and I learned of a desire for something different than the current normal encounter. We want more encounters with others that leave us being heard and acknowledged.

The most striking place I saw this was when we shared chalk with the littlest members of our community and asked them to draw beautiful pictures on our sidewalks that tell in their words how we respect and care for others. Their eyes lit up and they smiled at the prospect of making a difference in our community. Their joy and hope were contagious. These littles practiced great civility as they paid attention, left me feeling heard, and showed restraint, respect and consideration. I tried to leave them feeling the same. It seems we have capacity and we have desire; the thing we might just need more of is practice.

It can be an overwhelming prospect to consider how we might make change in our community and in how we are interacting with one another at the grocery story, the gas station, the park or stop light. Sometimes important things are hard and worth challenging ourselves and each other for.

At the Farmers Market, those I spoke to said this was important and they said this is lacking. This reflection does not mean that our only choice is to give up to the anger, self-preservation and void of attention to others. Another choice is to be inspired by the idea that you are not alone in this, you are not the only one “seeking a community that is constantly aware of others and weaving restraint, respect and consideration into the very fabric of this awareness.” I was inspired by many of you.

Civility is not about luck or common sense; it is about practice. Grab the principles and hold them up to yourself for good measure and get to it.

We all need the practice, and we all appreciate those who do. Like practicing anything, it is not easy, we will make mistakes, we will fall short, we will have beautiful experiences.

From some wise little sages in our community, I had some great practice and began to see glimpses of hope as I placed myself at their feet. We don’t need “good luck,” we just need good practice and ... to remember for whom, we practice.

Karin Derenne is a core team member of the Oshkosh Civility Project.

This article originally appeared on Oshkosh Northwestern: We need to practice civility to instill it in others