Oshkosh Civility Project | Principles of civility more important today than ever

Every month a member of the Oshkosh Civility group is committed to writing and submitting an article to the media about civility. When I first joined the group, I was given a copy of the book by P.M. Forni, titled “Choosing Civility: The Twenty-five Rules of Considerate Conduct.” This book was published 19 years ago and many would consider any book written that long ago old and outdated. Interestingly, its principles seem to be in need more now than in 2003.

In recent years we have all felt what some refer to as a breakdown in communication and respect. Family members have been disowned and friendships have been torn apart based on political and religious beliefs, or whether to mask or not to mask, to vaccinate or not to vaccinate. Sadly, I have also heard from others that it is not worth the effort to make amends. It’s not just families and friends that have been affected. This country (and there are indications that others around the world) is experiencing an ideological divide that we have perhaps not experienced so severely in our recent past.

This divide has also highlighted unbecoming behavior that extends past mere disagreements. In a recent interview with Chris Wallace (journalist for CNN), George Clooney the actor, producer and director, shared his current worry for the people of the United States and specified that his worry stemmed from “how we celebrate unkindness.” One could say that the act of praising unkindness shows a total and utter lack of civility.

So, is being kind also being civil? One would argue that kindness and civility are not synonyms yet are related. However, kindness may very well be the first step toward civility. Indeed, one of the 25 rules of considerate conduct from Forni’s book is ‘to be kind.’ But civility is so much more. Civility encompasses mutual respect; a willingness to understand the other’s perspective (even if the outcome is to “agree to disagree”); it requires dialogue even with people not like oneself; it also requires a modicum of trust, among other things. No doubt, it is much easier to display all of these with people who share the same values, beliefs, and opinions, especially about incendiary or very personal topics.

So, while we figure out how to work with, live next to, or just be with people we disagree with, we can agree to first not partake in celebrating unkindness. Perhaps that is the mutual and common issue we can all agree to be civil about.

Locally, we have many people conscientiously promoting civility through kindness. Our very own Franki Moscato, with her ‘Be Kind’ movement over the past four years, promotes this very issue. Her red Be Kind T-shirts and signs have been a welcome addition to our community. Let’s all take a moment to Be Kind to others as a starting point to improving civility.

Julia Salomón is a core team member of the Oshkosh Civility Project.

This article originally appeared on Oshkosh Northwestern: Being kind is first step toward being civil