'I paid the price': Jaguars WR Calvin Ridley opens up in thoughtful Players Tribune letter

Jaguars wide receiver Calvin Ridley is officially back with the team, fully reinstated by the NFL earlier this week after spending a year suspended due to betting on an NFL game.

On Wednesday, Ridley made his awaited arrival at TIAA Bank Field, meeting with both Jaguars head coach Doug Pederson, general manager Trent Baalke and the rest of the team's staff in person for the first time since the team traded for him just prior to last season's trade deadline.

Ridley's arrival brings joy not just to the City of Jacksonville, fans of the Jaguars and other NFL-curious observers, but also to the man himself, who penned a thoughtful and emotional letter on Wednesday via The Players Tribune where he described how he battled with anxiety and depression during his final seasons in Atlanta.

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"I’m not here to sugarcoat anything. In 2021, I made the worst mistake of my life by gambling on football," Ridley opened via The Players Tribune.

"I paid the price, believe me. I’ve seen all the jokes. I’ve seen all the hate. And I can shoulder all of that, no problem. All I want is for people to understand that, when I made those bets, there was a hell of a lot more going on with me."

Ridley's mistake was only the straw that finally broke the camel's back. In the letter, he described a turbulent upbringing that saw him and his siblings move from home to home in the foster care system. His parents were gone because of mistakes they'd made in the past, trying to make a living for their family.

"I learned to put my armor on, you know?" Ridley explained.

Growing up and eventually following in love with the game of football, which quickly became Ridley's outlet.

He described the feeling of riding on a plane for the first time to Tuscaloosa on a recruiting visit with the Alabama Crimson Tide, which would become his home for three years, eventually landing in the NFL with the Atlanta Falcons after being selected with the 26th pick in the 2018 NFL Draft.

In Year 3 with the Falcons, after everything was going according to plan — Ridley was set to become the team's No. 1 receiver with Julio Jones taking more of a backseat, eventually off of the team in 2021 and he quickly became one of the league's top receivers.

In 2020, Ridley played his best year, accounting for 90 receptions for 1,374 yards and nine touchdowns. He did so, he says, on a broken foot. He had played the previous two seasons with bone spurs in his foot.

In 2021, Ridley played with a broken foot for a few games before leaving the team due to mental health reasons. His home was robbed not long after the season began, something that since has been learned was among a string of gang-related celebrity home robberies in Atlanta. The robbery traumatized Ridley and his family.

"That’s when I really just started to feel the weight of the world on my chest. I didn’t have the words for what I was experiencing yet. It felt like I was getting attacked — but almost by something invisible. It’s like I’m getting hit in my chest, 24/7, by somebody I can’t see," he explained.

It was during his time off when Ridley, who described himself at the time as being "in a dark moment," saw a commercial for a gambling app.

"I deposited like $1,500 total, literally just for something to do. I was going to bet like $200 on some NBA games that night, but then I just added a bunch more games to a parlay. I put the Falcons in on it. I was just doing it to root on my boys, basically," he said, explaining that he simply wasn't thinking.

"When you’re depressed, you’re not thinking about anything in the future. You’re just trying to get through the day."

Now, the 28-year-old receiver has a new chance in his football life. He's fully healthy and is ready to take on the new challenge of helping the Jaguars secure an ever-elusive football championship.

Ridley has been working out in South Florida throughout his reinstatement process. He's been crushing the workouts, too, he explained.

"With Trevor Lawrence? I’m giving Jacksonville 1,400 yards a season, period."

- Jaguars WR Calvin Ridley via The Players Tribune

"Right now, I feel stronger than I’ve ever felt —  mentally and physically. On the field, I’m flying. Believe me, I’m flying. That GPS band don't lie. On my daughter’s name, if I’m healthy? With Trevor Lawrence? I’m giving Jacksonville 1,400 yards a season, period," said Ridley.

Now, Ridley will have the opportunity to play the game he loves again, with a new team in the Jaguars and a new quarterback in Trevor Lawrence. A pairing that will likely be Pay Per View material. The two will get together in a couple of weeks to start training with each other, while the entire team will begin the offseason program on April 17.

To read Ridley's full letter via The Players Tribune, click here.

Demetrius Harvey is the Jacksonville Jaguars reporter for the Florida Times-Union. You can follow him on Twitter at @Demetrius82.

This article originally appeared on Florida Times-Union: Jaguars WR Calvin Ridley delivers emotional letter post reinstatement