Paralyzed by hitman, Mesa woman fights to keep new life

Oct. 22—Mesa resident Heather Grossman, 57, says one of the most terrifying things she's ever had to do was go to court to testify against the abusive ex-husband who hired four hitmen to kill her in 1997.

One of the hitmen aimed a high-power rifle at Grossman from the back seat of a car next to her vehicle at a stoplight in Boca Raton, Florida, and fired two rounds, one of which struck her in the neck. Her second husband, John Grossman, was in the car with her and was grazed on the chin.

"At that moment I was shot, I tried to yell out for help, but my body felt like ... the life was being sucked out of my body," she said.

Paramedics who happened to be getting lunch nearby rushed to the scene, which helped to save her life.

The shot severed Grossman's spinal cord, paralyzing her from the neck down and requiring her to use a wheelchair and ventilator for the rest of her life.

Many victims of intimate-partner violence are not as fortunate. The Arizona Coalition to End Sexual and Domestic Violence reported 101 domestic violence deaths in the state in 2022.

In Mesa, there have been six domestic violence-related murders so far in 2023. The Mesa Police Department has received 2,500 calls for domestic violence assault to date in 2023.

After spending five weeks in the ICU, the then-31-year-old Grossman went to rehab for six months in Colorado, where she had to learn how to swallow, sit up in her wheelchair, eat and speak with a tracheostomy tube and ventilator.

"I was terrified to leave (the) hospital, because that would mean I would have to deal with my life outside in the world," she recalled.

"That was very difficult. Just trying to get up in the morning and breathe and talk as well as I could, and I was a mother of three young children."

Her eldest was 8 at the time and her twins were 6.

"Not only did I have to live my life as a quadriplegic, but I had to be a mother — get them signed up for school, take them to Halloween parades."

Her desire to protect her kids and her faith helped her find a new life.

Becoming 'a regular mother'

Settling in Paradise Valley with her second husband, she became "just like a regular mother" in spite of her disability.

She would go to her kids' classes in elementary school, read to the class and answer questions about her health and why she's in a wheelchair.

After that, instead of looking at her funny, her kids' classmates would come up at baseball games and say, "Hi, Mrs. G."

Later, there were lacrosse games, cheerleading and gymnastics events.

In addition to raising her kids, Grossman became a passionate educator and speaker on the dangers of domestic violence.

She speaks to law students at the Sandra Day O'Connor School of Law at Arizona State University and talks with future police at a criminal justice class at ASU.

"Honestly, I'm domestic violence right in front of your face because this is how bad it can get," she said.

She also speaks to women in domestic violence shelters and raises money for the Sojourner Center and other nonprofits that support victims of domestic abuse.

"A lot of times these women (at the shelter) leave with just the clothes on their back," she said.

Speaker and author

Grossman enjoys public speaking, and her condition doesn't hinder her speech.

She's written a book available on Amazon, "Paralyzed in Paradise," that tells her story of survival and pursuit of justice.

She can tell that domestic abuse is a silent epidemic by the number of people who approach her after hearing her talk or reading her book. She's gotten letters that say Grossman "saved their life."

"Everybody thinks you have this perfect little life, but so many people hide what's going on at home," she said.

"So many women and men and children have died from domestic violence, and I feel that I was kept alive because God gave me the chance to give back this way."

Florida officials indicted Ron Samuels for the murder-for-hire plot and put him on trial in 2006, requiring Grossman to return to Florida to testify.

"It was terrifying to me because I had not seen (him) until I was in court," she said. She described him as arrogant and defiant at the trial.

Samuels was found guilty and the judge sentenced him to life in prison plus 120 years.

Before the trial and the life-altering gunshot, Grossman was a young woman blind-sided by a marriage that grew more abusive, violent and scary as time went on.

"I grew up in a family where my mother and my father loved each other very much. ... I didn't know what domestic violence was," she said.

Married to a monster

The former high school cheerleader met Samuels while working as a flight attendant for Eastern Airlines. She said her husband started to change after the birth of her son, Ronnie.

"He became controlling. He had to know where I was all the time, and if I didn't answer my cell phone, I was in big trouble," she said.

He degraded her verbally, and eventually became physically abusive.

She recalled one incident when her parents came for Christmas. Her husband was eating breakfast, and the dog started scratching to get inside.

Neither Grossman nor her parents noticed the dog, then all the sudden he started screaming at her dad.

"Next thing I knew, he had a switch blade, and I got between my dad and my husband Ron, and I was six months pregnant with twins and he was horrible. He could have stabbed me, and I became really scared at that time."

"My twins were probably a year old and Ronnie was 3 when I decided I did not want to live this life anymore, and I was not going to bring my children up in it either."

She left her first husband and filed for divorce.

Sometimes people who hear her story ask if she was scared to leave behind the money and start a life where finances might be more precarious.

She and Samuels owned two car dealerships in Pensacola, Florida, and they enjoyed an affluent lifestyle.

"I had a beautiful house on the water. My husband bought me diamonds, rubies, beautiful purses, beautiful clothes," she said. "None of it is worth (being in an abusive relationship). You're miserable and terrified every day you wake up."

She said some of the warning signs of an abusive partner are "trying to control where you go, trying to control who's calling you."

Grossman advises people struggling with an abusive relationship to document incidents by contacting police, saving money and asking friends and family for help.

If friends and family can't help, she said, "domestic violence organizations are all over the state and they will advise you what to do. Nobody deserves to be abused."

A National Domestic Abuse Hotline has been established at 1-800-799-7233.

Grossman has led a fulfilling life as a quadriplegic, seeing her kids graduate college and start good lives. She met George W. Bush in 2007 to receive an award and discuss domestic violence. She won Miss Wheelchair Arizona that year.

But the road has been difficult at times, and as she ages, she's facing additional challenges.

"I never get a minute to myself because I need 24/7 nursing. I could get a plug in my trach or lung and my nurse has to suction me immediately," she said.

She says there are "bad days," when her blood pressure drops extremely low or mucus builds up in her lungs. She must be vigilant about getting sores or infections on her body.

For years, she and her family could pay the extra costs to have day and night in-home nursing so she could raise her kids and do public speaking.

But after spending $2 million out of pocket over the years, she's run out of money for nurses and insurance premiums and is now battling with Medicare to cover more hours than they are currently offering.

If she doesn't prevail, "my life will drastically change and I'm gonna go into a facility or a nursing home."

Grossman moved to north Mesa five years ago with her mother Florence Stephens, 81, to downsize from the Paradise Valley home. Stephens fills in when a professional nurse or nursing assistant is not available.

Though she is fighting to stay in her home, Grossman is grateful for every day. The 1997 shooting occurred in October, and it became a family tradition to celebrate her survival as a "second birthday" with cards and a special dinner.

"I did die that day, and I'm so happy that I've been able to raise my kids and they've grown into wonderful adults. That would have been finished 26 years ago."

To help or learn more: gofundme.com/f/paralyzed-in-paradise and friendsofheathergrossman.com/