When should parents talk to kids about sex, gender and porn? A Hartford workshop has the answers.
Hartford Gay and Lesbian Health Collective is offering a workshop, “Inclusive Sex Education at Every Age,” to teach parents how to talk about sex and gender with kids of all ages.
The class will be held at the collective, 1841 Broad St. in Hartford, on Feb. 15 from 6 to 7:30 p.m. Admission is free. Masks will be required.
It also will be accessible on Zoom. To sign up, visit linktr.ee/hglhc
Kim Adamski, the collective’s HIV prevention specialist, will conduct the class. Kirill Staklo of PeerPride will discuss transgender issues. Rachael Farina will discuss how to talk to kids about pornography.
The first 10 people to sign up for in-person attendance will receive a copy of “Talk to Me First,” a book by Deborah Roffman that teaches parents how to talk to their kids about sex.
Adamski, who has taught sex ed to college students, teens, prison inmates and other groups, said the course is for parents of both LGBTQ kids and cisgender kids.
“It’s for any parents or caretakers, relatives, professionals, anyone interested in learning about this stuff,” she said.
In an interview, Adamski discussed several aspects of the course.
Q: Why is it important to talk to kids about sex?
A: Most people end up having sex at some point in their lives. It’s important to know how to do it safely and enjoyably. Kids need to learn about their own sexual development as well. It starts earlier than they think, when they can learn the name of their genitals, good touch vs. bad touch, then on to puberty, how to stay safe and evaluate when they are ready.
Q: Why is it important to talk to kids about gender?
A: We are finding out more through research and medical practice, gender is a lot more expansive than we thought. Assigning strict gender roles to a kid can be harmful. Kids should feel they can express their gender in a way that is comfortable for them. Kids whose gender is affirmed when they are younger have less mental-health issues and suicidal ideation. They are comfortable with their bodies and are happier. Also, kids need to know that other kids have gender differences too and be accepting and affirming.
Q: Why is it important to talk to kids about pornography?
A: The average age kids first see porn is age 12. Obviously a lot of parents don’t want their kids watching porn. That’s fair. But kids will do what kids do. It’s important to be critical about porn. Basically it’s a performance. You don’t want it to inform sexual practices or their view of sexuality. Kids will see stuff they don’t understand and don’t really want to see in real life, like violence. They need to know how to view it critically.
Q: What harmful ideas are there about sex and gender?
A: Very gendered norms can be harmful for both gender and sexual development. Gender shouldn’t put people in boxes. Everybody’s gender is really individual, and not just trans folks. Also gender affects how you view sex, that women are brought up to be submissive and men to be dominant. That is not necessarily true or healthy. Also there’s just the shame around sex. If you experience shameful attitudes around sex as a kid, being secretive, it’s not going to bode well for your adult sex life.
Q: How young should you start talking to kids and why?
A: As early as they can understand. Kids start touching their genitals when they are very little. You can talk about when it is and isn’t appropriate. You can’t do at your auntie’s house but you can do it in your room. You can teach body parts, teach that private areas are not shameful but they are also not for everyone to see. Kids that age aren’t sexual but it is relevant.
Q: How do you talk to kids at a very young age?
A: You start with simple explanations. When a kid is 5 and wants to know where babies come from, they don’t want to know about the penis and vagina. That’s not what they’re asking. You can explain how sperm and egg meet. Early on, it’s important to talk about good touch and bad touch.
Q: And when they get older?
A: You start adding details. When they’re preteens you want to talk about healthy relationships because they start dating. When puberty starts, they need to know what going on. It can be alarming if you don’t. As teenagers, they don’t want to listen to you as much but you can talk about things you see in the media, to think critically about it. That’s better than talking about birth control, which you really should have covered by then.
Susan Dunne can be reached at sdunne@courant.com
