'We have to be a part of it to change it': TPD officer on being Black, in law enforcement

Tallahassee Police Sgt. Damon Miller stood face to face with dozens of local Black Lives Matter protesters.

On a scorching Saturday in September 2020, what began as a peaceful protest turned tense. Tempers escalated.

Protesters argued with law enforcement. They resisted arrest by linking arms with one another while sitting on the sidewalk.

In the end, 19 of them were arrested.

The confrontation took place a day after the exoneration of TPD officers who were involved in the three local deadly shootings of Tallahassee residents Mychael Johnson, Tony McDade and Wilbon Woodard.

As his fellow law enforcement officers — including Miller's mentee, friend and peer officer Robert Wyche — stood side by side, stone-faced and clad in riot gear, Miller lifted his face shield and spoke with the activists.

“I’ve had some candid conversations with people. People were asking ‘why are you out here? How do you feel,’” Miller recalled. “Normally they tell you not to talk and in my experience that makes things worse.”

Following his gut instinct, Miller stepped out of line and listened to what the protesters had to say. In turn, he tried to reason with them by sharing his perspective. It was an unusual move in what was a tense and volatile moment.

Tesia Lisbon, a Black Lives Matter activist, confronted Miller.

She wanted to know why people like Miller and Wyche chose and continue to choose to remain in law enforcement as many in the Black community grapple with the trauma from the death of George Floyd and a litany of others.

Floyd, a 46-year-old Black man, died at the hands of police brutality in 2020 in Minneapolis, Minnesota.

Nearly four months after his death, protests flared throughout the country as trust in law enforcement diminished and BLM supporters demanded action, notably pushing to have police departments defunded.

"I understood why people were out and wanting to be heard," said Wyche, one of several Black officers on the defense line that day. "It hit close to home because that could've been anyone," he said referring to Floyd.

Wyche, who also stepped out to talk to protesters, recalled Lisbon shouting at Black TPD officers on the Special Response Team (SRT), "change it from the inside Black man! Change it from the inside!"

"I told her, 'it's up to us as Black people to want to get involved in this career. If we want to change it, then we have to be a part of it in order to change it,’" he said.

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What it's like being Black in law enforcement

As a Black man who has spent 17 years in law enforcement, Miller understands the sentiment behind the Black Lives Matter movement and the responsive Blue Lives Matter movement, as well.

He acknowledged that he knows many officers considered quitting or did quit during the height of the controversy. He was not one of them.

For them, “it just wasn’t worth it,” Miller said.

“There used to be a time where people believed whatever police officers said because we’re entrusted with all this power but because of people who have come before and after me who have done stupid things, we’re taking the brunt of it for right now,” he said. “We’re just really trying to make this a trusted profession again.”

When the thought of a career change crossed his mind, he wondered if there was anything else he could do other than law enforcement.

“Especially when you’re seeing cities where police forces are being disbanded or officers are quitting and just have no officers there at all,” said Miller. “The worst thing you can do is get on the radio and call for backup and there’s no backup there.”

Why did Miller become a law enforcement officer in the first place? One of the reasons was to add to the diversity of patrol officers in his native Tallahassee.

“Being that the community saw me (a Black man), they entrusted me with a lot of things,” he said. “We can always do better. There’s always an opportunity to learn and if you feel like you can’t learn anymore then it’s probably time for you to retire or leave.”

Watching the video of how the rogue Minneapolis officers handled the arrest of George Floyd unified those with whom Miller served – regardless of race.

“That’s probably the first time pretty much all law enforcement was in agreement that that was wrong,” Miller said. “That instance right there – there’s no excuse for that at all.”

The most recent incident of police brutality playing out on the national scene occurred on Jan. 7, in Memphis, Tennessee, when five Black officers severely beat 29-year-old Tyre Nichols during a traffic stop. Nichols died from his injuries three days later.

The five officers were fired and currently facing murder charges.

Miller was taken aback when he saw the officers involved were Black.

"The dynamics of it all is changed because the officers involved were of African-American descent as well," Miller said. "It's different and it's weird. But I think the same (negative) energy is drawn towards them."

"It's a black eye for law enforcement," he said.

He feels the swift reaction made by the Memphis Police Department to strip the involved officers of their badges and charge them in a matter of days after the altercation will be the blueprint for how things are handled across the country in future police brutality situations.

"It's accountability. Some people might think it's cliché, but it's true," said Miller.

Miller noted the initial public response to Nichols' death wasn't as prominent as in Floyd's case.

"Because stuff happens so often people become numb to it," he said.

‘I would snitch’

A Tallahassee native, Miller attended Gilchrist Elementary School, Raa Middle School and FAMU DRS. He initially pursued a degree in computer sciences at Florida A&M University but switched his major to criminal justice after seeing a commercial for the police academy.

So, being in law enforcement wasn’t something Miller, now 40, dreamed of early.

But being Black was, of course, always a part of his experience growing up. As a child Miller was exposed to racism from his classmates.

In third grade, a student wrote the “N” word in one of his textbooks and across the bathroom floor, which led to an investigation at the school.

His parents took him to museums, showed him films and shared stories to help him grasp what he may encounter as a Black man growing up in America. Miller has done the same thing with his son and daughter.

As an officer, encounters with racism have persisted.

Engraved in his mind is a traffic stop Miller conducted years ago when he pulled over a driver who was white for running a red light.

The driver immediately accused Miller of being racist and claimed that is why he was flagged.

“I asked for his information and he said, ‘I know what this is about – I’m white, you’re Black and Obama is in office,’” recalled Miller. He responded with “’no sir, that has nothing to do with this, I stopped you because you ran the red light.’”

Even during interactions with Black people, similar situations have occurred.

“I’ve been called everything from Uncle Tom by people of my own race and the ‘N’ word by people of other races,” he said. “You get used to it because you’re brought up that people look at you different because of your skin tone for whatever reason.”

Miller has come to balance the criticism with his own comfort level of being a law enforcement officer.

Miller emphasized that Tallahassee is small and that there’s a good chance of running into someone he has previously arrested.

“It just goes to show you it’s important to treat everyone around you with respect,” he said. “There have been times where people I’ve arrested have assisted me while I’m arresting someone else. They know Miller is firm but fair.”

In the days and months following the death of Floyd, Miller faced criticism — and not just from strangers getting a ticket. Calls came from friends, members of his church, even family members, questioning why he continued in the profession.

“I’ve had arguments over the phone but at the end of the day we’ve had to agree to disagree to be able to keep those relationships,” he said. “It was a trying time.”

Miller makes a point to say that not all officers are correct and that sometimes officers should be held accountable for inappropriate actions. What was once known as the “blue wall of silence,” when officers wouldn’t call one another out on their wrongdoing, is breaking down.

Would Miller turn in an officer who abused his authority?

“I would snitch,” he said.

“I’m not losing my job. What’s wrong is wrong. That’s the problem we had in law enforcement even prior to George Floyd, is people were being silent.”

The ‘lives matter’ debate

The words “defund the police” are words many in law enforcement don’t want to hear.

Many of the Black Lives Matter activists in Tallahassee pushed and chanted the concept of not providing financial support for police even when funding is already scarce among many departments across the nation.

“You say defunding on one side but you say we need more training. Well, training costs money.” said Miller. “It’s all about the almighty dollar.”

Miller had several conversations with protesters about the Blue Lives Matter movement versus Black Lives Matter. He sees both perspectives.

“Some people get the message and some people just see it as a negative connotation,” he said. “Some people from Black Lives Matter see the moniker of Blue Lives Matter as disrespectful because Blue Lives Matter didn’t come up until Black Lives Matter came up.”

As a Black officer, Miller believes BLM supporters weren’t saying that all lives didn’t matter, but rather they were trying to emphasize and show what was happening when it came to the encounters and the experiences that the Black community had with law enforcement.

Between June 2016 and October 2022, TPD officers fired their weapons at 11 suspects, four of which were killed and two others injured.

Three of the fatal shootings by police occurred in early 2020. Two of the victims were Black.

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“Blue Lives Matter, all lives matter. Everything matters. But again, I’m on both sides so I’m always pulled back and forth,” Miller said of being a Black man in America while also wearing the badge.

“You’ll never know how someone feels until you get in their shoes. If everyone would treat everyone else how you want to be treated, it wouldn’t be an issue,” he said. “It’s just a shame that we're still living in a time where race is a real big issue.”

“Police officers are held more accountable, moreso than ever. Are there bad apples in the bunch? Yes. Do you want to root them out? Yes. Do we need the community’s help? Yes. All the time.”

Alicia Devine is a staff photojournalist at the Tallahassee Democrat. This story was funded by the Knight Foundation as part of a series on the intricacies of being Black in law enforcement. The four-part series tells the experiences of three officers and one activist in their own words.

Reach photojournalist Alicia Devine at adevine@tallahassee.com or on Twitter @alicia_c_devine. Check out her photos on Instagram @adevinephotography.

This article originally appeared on Tallahassee Democrat: Florida police officer Damon Miller on being a Black policeman