Passive-aggressive in public, hostile online. Is New Bern accepting, inclusive of LGBTQ?
Some residents say there is a difference in New Bern when it comes to acceptance of the LGBTQ community — particularly when public behavior is compared to what happens on social media. It is a feeling that leaves those in the community afraid to express themselves how they want.
Before the COVID-19 pandemic, Jasyn Griffith, director of LGBTQ-friendly Peace Counseling Center in New Bern, offered story times for children where volunteers dressed up as different characters, sometimes in drag, and read stories to kids.
The announcement and promotion of the events led to online discussions that brought out hatred, harassment, discrimination and threats, she said.
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Griffith explained the harassment and threats were so great that she requested the help of the police and veterans to ensure the center and participants safety. While the threats made to the center were not followed through with, Griffith said this added security was an example of the measures the LGBTQ community has to take to live their lives.
This past Saturday, a children’s story hour at a California library was disrupted by several members of the Proud Boys, an extremist group. Five men interrupted the event and began hurling homophobic and transphobic insults at attendees, including the drag performer, according to the Washington Post.
With Griffith's story time gatherings expected to ramp back up soon, she is aware of the possible need to enlist the help of law enforcement again as incidents such as this could happen in New Bern.
"This is a storytime for kids and it is teaching kids to be inclusive and accepting of others," Griffith said. "It amazes me that we have to bring protection for kids at story time against people who are saying they are trying to protect the kids."
Riding a fine line
Most of the harassment and targeting of the LGBTQ community comes from residents online. Griffith said New Bern is riding a fine line with how far the community as a whole needs to go to be inclusive of LGBTQ.
People who travel through town neighborhoods see lots of American flags, city-related flags, and a few flags representing a person's favorite sports team. What one rarely sees is a rainbow flag, the symbol of inclusiveness, togetherness, and diversity for the LGBTQ community.
June is officially celebrated as Pride Month, with many cities and businesses embracing their LGBTQ communities with public displays of solidarity. In New Bern, too, there are a few examples of local small businesses showing their support. But by the end of June, most who are flying the rainbow flag proudly will take them down.
More: As Pride month comes to a close, New Bern looks at community atmosphere for LGBTQ travel
Politically, New Bern is a conservative county. An overwhelming majority of elected officials are Republican; current N.C. House of Representative Keith Kidwell R-Craven-Beaufort was found on the membership roster of the anti-government extremist group called Oath Keepers after the roster was leaked.
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In a conservative community, and in a time when LGBTQ-restrictive legislation is making its way through the N.C. General Assembly, Griffith said parents of LGBTQ children are afraid to talk in public.
House Bill 755 would ban instruction on sexual orientation or gender identity in kindergarten through third grade and requires schools to notify parents if a student under 18 asks to be addressed by a different gender pronoun.
"People are still so afraid, saying they hope the governor doesn't sign this bill (HB 755) because they don't think it is written well for the LGBTQ community, (but) no one would say it," Griffith said. "That worries me that people are still scared to speak out in the community."
More: As Pride month comes to a close, New Bern looks at community atmosphere for LGBTQ travel
Openly hostile online comments
Meg Weatherington owns and operates the New Bern Good News Facebook page, which aims to promote positivity and all things good on social media.
But recently, when someone asked for help, the comments online devolved into homophobic slurs against a local teenager's sexuality. Weatherington said she was shocked at how quickly the teen was verbally attacked.
"We were helping a person move because their current living situation had become hostile and a post was made asking for help," Weatherington said. "I got a gut feeling about 30 minutes later, checked the post and it had blown up, so much hate and hostility."
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New Bern resident and ENC Pride committee member Crystal French relayed Weatherington's concerns about cyberbullying, saying it goes far beyond the bullying of the LGBTQ community.
"There are children across the country attempting suicide, and many successfully, because of cyberbullying," French added. "There needs to be more counseling and making spaces safe for children. School should be a safe space, but as the prevalence of school shootings and child suicides have shown, we have failed as a society."
Hate is learned but can be fixed
Asked if New Bern is doing its part to be LGBTQ-inclusive, resident Crystal French had mixed views.
"Generally, New Bern is a welcoming community, but there are still pockets of homophobia," French said. "Granted, many that are gay or lesbian have little to fear past some awkward glances and perhaps a little religious rhetoric. There are still many that wish to cause harm to transgender or gender non-conforming people."
She said more needs to be done regarding cyberbullying and harmful rhetoric.
She cited a particular conservative and free speech-led Facebook group based in New Bern.
"These disgusting groups that use the right to free speech to vilify and disparage LGBTQ are constantly spouting negativity against people that simply want to live their lives," she said. "It is the right of every person to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.”
So what needs to change in order for the LGBTQ community to feel safe and included in New Bern? Education, kindness, inclusivity, and love, Griffith says. However, education is not enough, and it starts with teaching love and acceptance at an early age.
"My message is kindness, inclusivity, and love. When someone comes at me hatefully. I try to respond kindly, patiently, and with love," Griffith added. "Kids are not born knowing how to hate. It is learned at an early age and that is how we change the narrative."
More: New Bern LGBTQ community educating equality over discrimination
More: As Pride month comes to a close, New Bern looks at community atmosphere for LGBTQ travel
Resources for the LGBTQ community?
Peace Counseling Center, located at 1917 Trent Blvd, in New Bern, focuses on providing a safe space for children and adults who are LGBTQIA+ friendly. Director Griffith offers counseling and is looking to expand transgender services. The non-profit side of the center has fundraising events for the community. The center will soon partner with Onslow LGBTQ for training to provide hormone therapy in the coming months. Those who are interested can call the center at 252-631-5337 or visit their website for more information.
Free Mom Hugs-NC Crystal Coast, is a group based around offering emotional support for parents and LGBTQ allies in the community. The group can be found on Facebook.
PFLAG Carteret-Craven is a nonprofit, advocating for LGBTQ rights. For more information about their services, call 252-515-1058 or find them on Facebook.
Onslow LGBTQ Community serves as an educational tool for the LGBTQ community in Onslow County and provides crisis intervention when needed. The group has ties in Carteret, Craven, Jones, New Hanover, and Pitt counties. For more information call Dennis Biancuzzo at 910-650-4510 or find the group on Facebook.
Reporter Trevor Dunnell can be reached by email at tdunnell@newbernsj.com. Please consider supporting local journalism by signing up for a digital subscription.
This article originally appeared on Sun Journal: Passive and aggressive, not acceptive and inclusive for New Bern LGBTQ
