‘The Patient’ Finally Exposes the Creepiest People Ever: Foodies

Hulu’s The Patient dares to expose the creepiest community lurking in our society. They walk amongst us, these fiends, ravenous to fulfill their unending cravings. They slurp the blood from steaks as if it were red wine. This community of barbaric individuals must be stopped, and thankfully, Domhnall Gleeson’s terrifying character takes a stand.

No, I’m not talking about murderers. I’m talking about foodies.

A “foodie,” as defined by Merriam-Webster, is “a person having an avid interest in the latest food fads.” It is not someone who likes to cook—no, this isn’t The Bear—nor is it someone who has an invested appreciation for specific food groups. A foodie is someone who tears into food fads, utters the phrase “Instagram eats first!” at restaurants, and abandons the fad as soon as the next avocado toast/rainbow bagel/sriracha variation comes along.

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This behavior is reprehensible, and it’s perfectly suited for Sam (Gleeson), a murderous mastermind who locks his therapist Alan (Steve Carrell) in his basement. Sam is looking for extreme therapy—he wants Alan to help him put an end to his compulsion to kill people. The only way to do this, apparently, was for Sam to chain his therapist to a bed and wait for him to do his job.

The 10 Cloverfield Lane-like premise certainly provides enough thrills alone, but it’s Gleeson’s berserk assassin who really takes the cake. Literally. In order to keep his guest fed, Sam doesn’t bring in any old prison food. He caters Alan’s stay with the finest food around, even bringing Alan the correct instructions on how to devour his feast.

“These are leftovers from Maruti, which is one of my favorites. It’s surprisingly good for breakfast. This is chana palak, put some of this on it,” he says, passing Alan a tub of green sauce. “This is sabzi, it’s good with this one,” he says, doling out more sauces to his prisoner. The emphasis on “Maruti” has plagued me, as if it were Dorsia, the faux restaurant in American Psycho.

Mind you, this is the first time Alan is meeting with Sam under these new pretenses. Alan pleads to be freed while his captor offers up fine dining—not really as an apology, but as a way of life. Of course Sam wants to feed Alan food from the latest trendy spot. What else would he eat? A deli sandwich? Gross.

But the breakfast from Maruti is only the beginning. In the second episode of The Patient, Sam rouses Alan with a new plastic sack full of top-tier food. “Thai food tonight,” he says, emotionless, holding up the to-go bag. For the main course, they’ll have Kaeng tai pla, a fish curry, and for dessert, Khanom mo gang, an egg custard with taro and duck eggs.

“You can’t usually find it this way,” Sam informs Alan, who is currently dreaming about bashing Sam’s head in. Oh, and, let’s not forget this gem: “This place makes their own sauce using fermented fish entrails, which I know sounds gross, but it gives it a lot of flavor.”

But! It! Gives! It! A lot! Of! Flavor! There are chills running down my spine. And I’m about to throw away the $4 fish sauce sitting in my fridge and swap it for some fermented fish entrails. Hey, it sounds pretty good to me.

Foodies will stop at nothing—absolutely nothing!—to venture out into new flavor palettes and flaunt their good taste. Sam is holding a man hostage in his basement, but he’s still laser-focused on his infatuation with the culinary art. Alan’s nerves are probably far too high, his stomach clenched, and his digestive track completely unable to process spicy Thai food. Get this man some plain tomato soup and a grilled cheese!

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Watching Sam wax poetic over food while Alan yelps to stay alive, I was actually brought back to The Bear. In some flashback scenes, we see a young Carmy (Jeremy Allen White) preparing tweezer food for hungry, James Beard Award-obsessed customers. I imagine Sam was lurking in the crowd, sitting at a table for one, ready to bring back some salmon tartare with basil mayo and crisp seaweed spears for Alan back at home.

Good thing both of these shows are on Hulu, giving you the chance to navigate between them and become a foodie in your own right. I could never, especially after watching Domhnall Gleeson gush over Thai food while simultaneously forcing a man to listen to him speak about murder. If one thing’s for certain: Foodie culture will never die.

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