We asked members of the BuzzFeed Community to share the moment they knew it was time to get a divorce, and their responses were heartbreaking and real:
Warning: Some of the following submissions contain mentions of abuse and sexual assault.
1."I knew it was time for a divorce when I found out he had been cheating on me and confronted him for his excuse to be that he was 'lonely' when I was in intensive care and almost died from COVID."
2."I knew it was time when I met someone else. I didn't cheat, but after years of telling myself that it was normal that our romance had faded and my now-ex husband felt like a roommate, the jolt of electricity I felt for someone I just met made me realize that even at our best, I never felt that connection or spark. It was what finally pushed me to admit that I wasn't happy, and I was too young to feel as old as I did. I spent 18 months single, dating casually, and keeping in touch with the person I had met, and we eventually started seeing each other. Five years later, we're married and he makes me feel as giddy and full of joy as I did the second I laid eyes on him."
3."I knew it was time to get a divorce when I found out he was cheating on me again...on my birthday! I had forgiven him every other time, and I even agreed to let him to through sex addiction therapy, but I couldn't keep ignoring the truth of who he was. He drained me mentally, emotionally, and financially, and I had finally had enough! I've been happily married to a wonderful man for over five years now, and we're expecting our second child. He treats me like a queen, and I feel so valued and loved now."
4."When he charged sex cams to my corporate card that I had left at home while on a girls' trip. I had to lie and tell my employer that the charges were fraudulent in order to save my job!"
5."Eight years into our marriage, I realized we hadn't kissed in days! So I told him I didn't think he was in love with me — and he replied, 'Of course I love you.' But I told him there's a difference between loving and being in love. He couldn't see the difference."
6."I was at a family event without my husband — because my family really didn't like him — and I watched as my cousin's boyfriend treated her horribly all afternoon and evening. I asked her how she could possibly stand to be treated like that, and she responded, 'You mean the same way your husband treats you?' She had some 'liquid courage' giving her the confidence to point that out, but I'm so glad she did! It wasn't until then that I could see things from an outsider's perspective, and I saw things clearly! I resolved right then and there that things would have to change or I would leave. My husband refused to change, and he refused to try counseling of any kind, so I filed for divorce."
"I don't regret that marriage — it brought my amazing son into my life, and it helped me figure out who I am and realize how strong I really am. Bad decisions led to life lessons that led to the best place I could hope to be. I'm now married to a true partner, and I'm grateful each and every day for the life I have now."
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7."I was in the hospital after being dead for 11 minutes and in a coma for four days. My husband threw a fit about visiting me after work, and he even went to work while I was in the coma, as if I was perfectly fine and not on the brink of death! Then, he made the whole experience about how embarrassing it was for him! The way he behaved, he made me feel like he was angry that I survived! Sadly, this wasn't the worst of his behavior towards me, it was just the behavior that finally sealed the deal. I've been divorced for six months now, and things couldn't be better!"
8."We got married young while we were both in college. I had just started my first big girl job out of college, and he was laid off from his job. Well, one Friday night, he casually mentioned that he got an interview and was flying to a different state half-across the country in just a few days. That was the moment I realized that he still thought of himself as a single guy who could just uproot his life and move wherever, with no regard for what I wanted!"
"He didn't even tell me he was applying to jobs in different states. It took another year for us to separate, then he moved to a different city to pursue his career and I went to travel the world with a new partner."
9."He stopped showing affection — no hand-holding, cuddling, hugging, or kissing — and he finally stopped saying 'I love you.' We talked about it, and he refused to see a therapist or a doctor. I told him I needed more, but he refused to give the bare minimum. Finally, he started to get verbally mean. When that behavior came out at his parents' house, I said that things had to change or we would have to get a divorce. I wasn't willing to live that way for the rest of my life."
10."I knew it was time for a divorce when his best friend sexually assaulted me and he didn't believe me. Instead, he accused me of cheating."
11."I found out I was pregnant two months into our relationship, so we got married three months later. Our marriage started to fall apart rapidly after celebrating our one-year anniversary. But I knew it was time to call it quits after watching The Notebook for the first — and only — time. As I sobbed through the last 30 minutes, I knew that I wanted that kind of love, and that the marriage I was in wasn't even close."
12."I knew when he got rid of our dog while I was at work because he was jealous of her."
13."I went on a 3-week trip overseas, and due to the time difference and his job schedule, he told me not to bother calling him until I got back. It was the happiest three weeks of our marriage! I realized that I was the only one truly concerned about our marriage — he didn't care how unhappy I was, or that he spent more time not speaking to me than being a part of my life."
14."When he read my diary one night while I was gone, and was really hurt that I had written I was unhappy."
15."I realized my husband was cheating on me two months after we got married. When I confronted him he said, 'What are you going to do about it? You would never leave the life I provide for you!' Yeah, I left."
16."My mom had died right after we got married, and eight years in, my dad died in a car accident on the way home from my birthday party. I'm an only child, and I was trying to grieve while also handling things like emptying and selling my dad's house, managing his accounts, rehoming his senior pit bull, dealing with the crematorium, notifying friends and family, and organizing his memorial by myself. My husband didn't help me pick up the food or set up the venue, but he made sure to arrive and glad-hand for an hour, accepting people's sympathy for 'our loss.' Then, he left before the service was over to play a gig at a roadside aquarium with his cover band!"
"I drove home to an empty house, lugging leftover sandwich trays and cases of soda from the repast in my arms. The moment I was standing in my kitchen, in the dark, alone and broken while he played bass on 90's pop hits across town, I knew that I had reached the point of no return."
17."I knew it was time when I asked my husband to put effort into our relationship, and he said that acknowledging me when I walked into the room should be enough for me. He also told me that he cared more about the gym and his band than he did about me."
18."When I realized my body wasn't mine anymore, and I couldn't be my own person — I was just a wife and mother."
19."I was with my ex-husband for two and a half years before we got married, and while I always suspected he struggled with honesty, I foolishly convinced myself they were nothing more than white lies and went forward with the wedding. Then, nine months into our marriage, the bomb dropped — I found out that for the entirety of our relationship he'd been lying about having a baby brother who tragically died in a car accident as a toddler! That man made up A DEAD BABY so that whenever I expressed grief over missing my father — who had died from cancer — he could say, 'You need to get over that. You don't see me crying about Gabe, do you?!'"
"Countless other lies were uncovered as time went by, and the worst part is, he’s still lying now. He's Venmoing me, 'Miss you,' and hiding it from his girlfriend!"
20."When he told me I would 'ruin' any child we had because of my mental illness."
"There were so many other moments that led up to my decision, but I think the final straw was probably when he hacked into my computer, read my private creative writing that I hadn't shared with a SINGLE SOUL, and then proceeded to temper his apology with, 'but this stuff is really good.'"
21."I had noticed for years how my husband was becoming more paranoid. Everything I — and anyone else — did, he would assume there were evil intentions behind it. Then once, I bought him a present for our anniversary, and he said, 'You probably only bought this because you knew I got your flowers, and you didn't want to look bad.' That's when I finally realized that no matter how hard I tried, he would never be happy."
22."When he told me I 'made' him verbally abuse me."
23."We had already separated but I was hoping to fix things to keep our family together when he started dating women that were connected to people my kids knew. Kids were asking my kids, 'Are your mom and dad still together? Because your dad went on a date with my aunt.' My kids were so embarrassed. Once he dragged our kids into his messiness, I was done."
24."I was in therapy after moving out of my abusive family's home, and my ex-husband didn't like that I was learning how to be independent. The last straw was him saying, 'If I can't control you, I have no control over myself.'"
25."He would come home wasted every night, then wake up screaming at me, wanting to fight. I would remain calm and try to calm him down, mostly too tired to work up the energy. But eventually, he began to throw things at me — his phone, shoes, a plate. One night, I decided to stay over at a friend's house because I felt unsafe, and he couldn't stand it. He called and texted me all night, and left me voicemails screaming at me. I knew then that if I didn't leave, one of the items he threw would hit me, and I couldn't stick around for that."
"Abusers don’t start out beating you. They escalate to it. If you can, leave before they do."
26."When I had a miscarriage and he laughed, then went to hang out and play video games with his friend while I was left to cry alone."
27."My husband had left for his nightly hang out with his buddies when I was hit with a kidney stone so painful all I could do was curl up and cry. Finally, at about 11 p.m, my 10-year-old son called him, sobbing, begging him to come home from wherever he was so I could drive myself to the hospital. He refused, and I ended up packing both of my kids into the car and driving to the next town over, where the nearest ER was located. My children were terrified as I received a CAT scan to confirm the kidney stones, but the hospital couldn't treat me because I was responsible for the kids and the drugs I needed would incapacitate me. I ended up having to call a family friend at 2 a.m. to come take care of my kids. That was the moment I knew I was going to leave."
28."I knew it was time to leave when staying meant losing an integral piece of myself."
What about you? What was the moment that you knew it was time to get a divorce? Tell us in the comments section, and you could be featured in an upcoming BuzzFeed Community post!
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