People will pretend to love '80 for Brady.' But Guy Fieri is the funniest thing about it

What do you get when you combine an EGOT, multiple Oscars, Emmys and Tony Awards and the greatest football player of all time?

Not much, unfortunately.

Ugh. That feels so … bad. So mean-spirited. Such puppy-kicking guilt.

But it can’t be helped, because “80 for Brady” just isn’t very good. It is, however, the kind of movie that people will overpraise and pretend to love simply because they love the people in it — Jane Fonda, Lily Tomlin, Rita Moreno, Sally Field and, of course, Tom Brady.

(OK, it’s actually more fun to hate Brady, who is also a producer of the film, than love him. But work with me here.)

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Is '80 for Brady' a true story?

This movie is feel-good fantasy fluff in the manner of a children’s TV show, where if you just hope for anything hard enough — getting into the Super Bowl without tickets, playing poker with Billy Porter, talking to Brady after a historic win and these truly just scratch the surface — you can make it happen.

The film, directed by Kyle Marvin and written by Emily Halpern and Sarah Haskins, is loosely based on the experience of five real-life octogenarians who bonded over a love of the New England Patriots generally and of Brady specifically, who was then the quarterback of the New England Patriots.

Liberties have been taken, as they say. In the film, Maura (Moreno) is a recent widow, Betty (Field) is a retired MIT professor, Lou (Tomlin) is a cancer survivor and Trish (Fonda) is a former beauty queen who writes Rob Gronkowski erotica, which is one of the best things about the movie. Think about it. Or (shudder), better yet, don’t. But it’s an inspired hobby.

What is '80 for Brady' about?

Most of the film takes place after the Patriots advance to the Super Bowl in 2017 against the Atlanta Falcons in Houston. The women try to win tickets to the game through a local sports-talk radio show.

Soon they are in Texas, participating in the NFL Experience, taking part in a chicken-wing-eating contest put on by Guy Fieri (who has the funniest line in the move, a blink-and-you-miss-it throwaway), getting accidentally high after eating edibles and charming their way out of every bit of difficulty they encounter.

It’s cute enough to make your teeth hurt.

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Did Tom Brady retire? ... for this?

In real life, Brady would lead the Patriots to one of the most improbable comebacks in football history. In “80 for Brady,” his motivation is far-fetched, its delivery outlandish. Yet it is wrapped up in such a saccharine bow we’re expected to play along. And you want to — who doesn’t want to hear Lily Tomlin deliver an inspirational speech — but it’s a tough slog.

Beneath the cheery exterior lurk some meatier themes. Trish is lonely at heart, too eager to commit. Maura is lonely, period. Betty has spent too long catering to her needy husband (the great Bob Balaban) and not enough time taking care of herself. Lou is running from reality.

Most of this, however, gets glossed over at the expense of one wacky misadventure after another. The movie’s saving grace is the evident glee the cast has working together — glee that is contagious, if limited. But when you see it in the faces of the supporting cast and it looks and feels so genuine, it’s hard not to get a little bit caught up in it yourself.

A little bit. To pretend that the film’s pleasures are more than modest is just that — pretending.

Brady announced a couple of days before the film’s release that he is retiring, again, this time supposedly for good. It puts the film in a slightly different context, a context that takes on even greater meaning in a little scene just before the end credits. I won’t spoil it, but it’s the most genuine thing in the movie, and “80 for Brady” could use more of its honesty.

When is '80 for Brady' coming out?

'80 for Brady' will be in theatres starting Feb. 3.

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'80 for Brady' 2.5 stars

Great ★★★★★ Good ★★★★

Fair ★★★ Bad ★★ Bomb ★

Director: Kyle Marvin.

Cast: Jane Fonda, Tom Brady, Lily Tomlin.

Rating: PG-13 for brief strong language, some drug content and some suggestive references.

How to watch: In theaters Feb. 3.

Reach Goodykoontz at bill.goodykoontz@arizonarepublic.com. Facebook: facebook.com/GoodyOnFilm. Twitter: @goodyk.

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This article originally appeared on Arizona Republic: '80 for Brady' review: Tom Brady movie is a true story. And a fumble