24 People Who Ended Up Cutting Ties With A "Toxic" Family Member Are Sharing The Reason Why

Note: This story discusses suicidal ideation and mental abuse.

Growing up in a toxic or difficult family can harbor tough emotions — such as wanting to be supportive while also needing to set clear boundaries for your mental health. And even after trying multiple times to make a relationship work, sometimes the best course of action is simply cutting ties.

And since this can happen a lot within people's families — but just isn't talked enough about — I wanted to ask the BuzzFeed Community: "When was the exact moment you reached your breaking point with your family and decided to cut ties with them?" And the answers were incredibly vulnerable, so here's what they had to say below:

1."My aunt was going through a divorce, and she often found silly reasons to stop talking to several members of our family, including my mom. After years of avoiding any interaction with all of us, she suddenly started talking to us. I was 13 at the time, and my cousin was also my age. She decided to bring my cousin to my school the next year, hoping that he will become a better student if he was with me. The school year started, and she had me switch classes to be in the same class with my cousin. I was a very shy kid, and going to a new class was really stressful for me. After two weeks of not having any friends in my class and crying all the time, while my cousin was in the same class with all his friends, I asked my teachers if there was any chance I could go back to my old class with my friends. My cousin also insisted I do this as he could see how depressed I was. The teachers realized how anxious and sad I was and agreed to take me back."

2."I grew up with a sometimes verbally abusive and narcissistic mother. The breaking point was when I asked her to go to counseling with me, and she told me she couldn't afford it. I knew she was lying because she and my dad had just split up and received money for half of the house from my father (which was about 300K) — and she made a fuss about paying $100 for a counseling session with her daughter. A week later, it was my birthday, and she contacted me asking about wanting to take me shopping. Where was the money issue then? Due to her toxic behavior, I decided to cut off contact. It lasted about five years."

3."My MIL told my husband she would consider having a relationship with him if he bought her another car. That was their last conversation."

—Anonymous, 46, Colorado

4."When my cardiologist told me my high blood pressure was caused by stress. He asked what my biggest stressor was in my life, and I realized it was my family. Not my husband, not my children, or anyone else. My family fell apart after a dispute over my mother's dividing her assets three ways. She didn't have a will and told me verbally exactly what to do. Those who did absolutely nothing for my mother came with hands outstretched to claim her estate. Many years later, some are still mad because she didn't give her beautiful home to one of her grandchildren. She told me to sell it and split the profits. The love of money is the root of all evil."

5."My kid was in the ICU, and I stayed with him over several nights. I didn’t sleep or eat for obvious reasons. When my 'mother' finally came to visit, her first words to me were, 'You look like shit; you should fix that.' And that was the end of a very tedious and abusive relationship. I am so happy to be free."

—Anonymous, 40, DC

6."My parents had been distant for a while, and cut communication with my other siblings, but I cut ties when they did not even wish my son a happy first birthday. It broke my heart. They won't have the chance to break his, too."

7."I was extremely close to my older brother; we were like friends and hung out together a lot. Things changed when I went to work for him. He would become abusive and would take out his anger and frustrations on me when he was having a bad day. It got so bad that I had to find another job to save my sanity. He didn't like that at all. When our last parent passed, things only got worse, and I decided to keep him at arm's length. It's been over 10 years, and I still am uncomfortable around him on holidays, but at least I am no longer on anxiety meds. Now, we are the only two remaining in our family, and I miss him immensely, but I will not go back to being treated like that ever again. I am worth so much more!"

—Anonymous, 57, Missouri

8."When my parents called the hospital we were having our first child in, to find out if I’d been admitted after we specifically told them we didn’t want anyone else there until we called and said it was ok to come visit. I have an anxiety disorder, and having others there would stress me out. They basically stalked us and then showed up in person in the hospital room without even calling us first. We didn’t know they had called the hospital and inquired about us, which I think is illegal anyway! We didn’t speak to them for a month afterward and demanded they go to counseling to get a handle on their problems with boundaries."

9."I forgave my evil step-grandmother for the way she treated my brother and me growing up, and for a while, it looked as if she had done the work and grown. Then, I was visiting my father's house with my 3-week-old newborn and went inside to get something. I looked out the kitchen window, and I saw her look around to see if anyone was watching her. She leaned into the pram and blew a lungful of cigarette smoke into my son's face. After being dragged off her with her skin under my fingernails, I never spoke to her again."

—perenti

10."I dropped my mom’s family when I saw how they treated my cousins after their mother’s sudden death. My other aunts and uncle decided they would text my cousins immediately, demanding all my aunt’s belongings. THE DAY SHE DIED. At her service, the 'family' did nothing but make fun of my cousin for being gay and said my other cousin was rude because he had his head down and didn’t greet them at the memorial service. Umm, yeah, because he was CRYING. Mind you, these 'adults' are in their 60s, and my cousins and I aren’t even 30 yet. Even worse, it will be two years in November, and my aunts and uncles are STILL talking about my cousins."

11."My mother and I were at one of my favorite restaurants, and she brought up politics. Growing up, my mother didn't get involved much with politics, but due to the recent climate, she has become extremely vocal with regard to this topic. I sat mostly silent as I'm not a person who is outspoken about my political or religious beliefs because I believe those things are personal for an individual. Occasionally, however, I would ask a thought-provoking question. She got flustered trying to answer some of the questions and then snapped at me saying, '[Politician X] is a genius! When you grow up, you'll see!' This was on my 45th birthday. I quietly got up, left the restaurant, got in my car, and drove away. I can still remember the smirk on her face after she followed me out watching me drive away. I finally had clarification as to where I fit into her priorities."

—Jan, 49, Minnesota

12."After decades of trying to have a relationship with my mother, and receiving some hefty traumas in that pursuit, my last hope was family therapy. After a couple of sessions, she blamed my childhood survival tactic of capitulating to her for the current rift in our relationship. I went no contact shortly after."

13."My relationship with my sister had been rocky for years. When our grandmother was in her final weeks, my sister accused me of abandoning my family after I told her I couldn't leave my spouse and child to go back to my hometown (I'm the only member of my family who moved away). But the real kicker was when she called me six times in a row, and when I texted her that I didn't want to talk to her, she responded, 'You're a fucking bitch. Nana died.' Nana was very much still alive at that point. I blocked her and haven't lost a wink of sleep."

—Kristen, 39, Illionsis

14."I'm gay, and the last time I talked to my super-conservative Christian sister, she said, 'Why can't you just be alone?' She'd rather me be alone forever than be in a loving relationship with another woman."

15."It took until my mother died that I really examined it. Then it was too late to talk to her about it."

—Anonymous, 66

16."Both of my parents are extreme narcissists so there was a lifetime of things that piled up, but I had a breaking point with each. With my father, it was when my parents were divorcing and he made a huge deal out of how much child support he agreed to and then refused to pay it. It meant I lived in extreme poverty, and he didn’t care. With my mother, it was when she left her second husband and moved in with a random guy in another state without telling me. Both incidences were the last straw and made me realize I couldn’t have these people who didn’t care about me in my life. My mental health is more important than my abuse."

17."I haven’t spoken to my parents in nearly seven years. They were always abusive, but I'd put up with it because they’re family, and I felt like it was the right thing to do. In the fall of 2016, a series of things led to me thinking that maybe I didn’t want them in my life. The final straw was when they called my 3-year-old son, who had just been diagnosed with autism, the r-word. I probably would have taken their abuse against me for the rest of my life, but I immediately cut them out when they started that shit on my child."

"I miss them very much sometimes, but I’ve never questioned my choice. I know they love me and they’re just damaged from their own childhood trauma, but it’s a boundary I needed to set for myself and my family.

For anyone struggling with this choice, if cutting them off is realistic for your circumstances, then I would say go for it. I’m so much happier, and my life is so much better without my shitty family in it."

—klh62

18."My mom and I have always been really close. When my brother was suicidal, my parents just didn’t take it very seriously. My husband and I asked my mom, 'What will you do if he goes through with it?!' She spewed back a super religious response, but the next day, she absolutely unloaded on me. I’m talking screaming and crying in front of my toddler saying that I blame her for everything, and so on and so forth. It was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I got into therapy immediately and discovered that my mom is a covert narcissist and I had a very co-dependent/enmeshed relationship with her. My entire existence was to manage her emotions and be the messenger to the rest of the family. Breaking up has been completely freeing. I still miss the idea of a loving mother, but I know that my only real place in her life was to be a continuation of her — I’ll never be accepted for who I truly am."

19."I was a love child, and my dad was married with kids already when he had me. By the time my awareness kicked in, I was already in the middle of a bunch of nonsense. Court custody left my dad with once-a-week visitation and a very bitter stepmother. I got all the passive-aggressive jabs, right down to the 'I hope you got that child support your dad just paid,' as well as other snide comments. My breaking point was high school. I enrolled in a private school that was literally down the road from my dad's house. Whenever I'd attempt to stop by after school to see my father, she would send me away because it wasn't 'my day.'"

"The final straw was when I had a week's vacation and he said I could stay; his wife was out of state with my little sister. When I arrived, my stepsister called her mom, and she kicked me out from 500 miles away over the phone as my dad feigned ignorance and muttered how 'he didn't even know I was coming.' Great parenting."

—J.M., 32, New Jersey

20."When my dad passed away, my mom got 22K in benefits payments. She let my sister have almost all of it, but let me 'borrow' some money to move into a new house. Then, she hounded me relentlessly to pay her back because they were broke and needed the money. They blew through it in a week! After a lengthy talk with my aunt, I told my mother I would not be paying her back, and I cut off contact with her and my sister. Eventually, we worked things out, but it took almost two years of no contact to get them to realize I was serious about moving on."

21."When I realized that they did not know me, and preferred their assumption of who I was to fit their scenario, because anything else would mean they would have to admit they did not participate in any way with the caregiving to other family members and in my life. I'm reminded of a phone call from my auntie who said, 'He who does all the work gets 100% of the blame; you do nothing, you're not to blame.' At the time, I didn't understand her and said, 'Oh, that would never happen.' She was right. Essentially, I realized my feelings did not matter to them — that was a mind-blower when I knew for sure I didn't matter. I had always been there for my loved ones, but they never were for me."

"They had not been present in my life for a long time. I kept trying to be open and keep the door open, hoping maybe we could have a relationship, hoping to be loved and thought of, but the light came on, and there was no point in pretending anymore. Once I got to that point, I left the guilt behind and cut the cord. It was the love and care of my friends that helped me see that I was okay and worthy of love, not my blood relatives."

—Anonymous, 65, Washington

22."When I was in my mid-20s, I was hanging out with some friends one winter evening. At the end of the night, I left and returned home around 11 p.m. to find the front door of my house slightly ajar and my porch light off. Upon closer inspection, I found that my front door had been kicked in and my house was robbed. Being a little traumatized and confused to find my home in this state, I frantically called my parents, who have never been horribly supportive, and my dad answered. I told my father that my house had been broken into. His response to me was, 'What do you want me to do about it?' My mouth hung open, and I sat in stunned silence on the phone. After what seemed like a long pause, he then said, 'I guess I'll be over there in a bit.' After getting off the phone with him, I called my friends who I had previously been hanging out with. Their response? 'Oh, my god! That's awful! What can we do for you?'"

23."When I realized that I was keeping a relationship with them for the sake of other people’s happiness and at the expense of my own. It was my childhood abuser, and one day, I realized that I didn’t owe them a relationship or loyalty, and I shouldn’t be expected to offer it to them just to 'keep the family together.'"

—Anonymous, 41, Ohio

24."I cut ties with some of my family because it seems that me trying to do better in life meant to them that I felt as though I was better than they were. I have never made anyone feel that way, and because I set boundaries for myself and my family (husband and kids), it was a problem for others in my family. Some people do not want better for themselves, and that is their choice, but that is not the case for me. I work hard to provide a better life for myself and my family, and if that makes others uncomfortable, then I choose to stay away from the toxicity."

Have you ever experienced a breaking point with your family that made you cut ties with them? If so, tell us what happened and why in the comments below.

The National Alliance on Mental Illness helpline is 1-888-950-6264 (NAMI) and provides information and referral services; GoodTherapy.org is an association of mental health professionals from more than 25 countries who support efforts to reduce harm in therapy.