Sometimes, you meet someone, and everything seems perfect. If you've got a list, this person's checking off every box...except that one. You know — the deal breaker. And it especially sucks when you go from vibing to noping TF out.
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All feelings immediately die on sight.
So, when u/EGB1- asked, "What opinion or behavior would stop you from being romantically interested in someone even if they ticked every other box?" people from the BuzzFeed Community and Reddit came forward to share their ultimate deal breakers:
1."Using terms like 'females' and 'feminazis,' and slut- or body-shaming."
"I went on a walking date with a guy, and when I mentioned I was nervous about COVID and therefore very careful, he asked, 'Are you worried about the flu?' I replied, 'The flu didn't kill over 300,000 people this year.' Awkward, dead silence followed. At the end of the walk he tried to kiss me, but I pulled away."
3."Saying they hate cats. Hating an entire animal species because you had a bad experience with one of them comes off as very judgmental. It also reeks of toxic masculinity."
"There's also a difference in being allergic to them and hating them." —anda_panda
4."Referring to their ex-girlfriends as 'psycho' or 'crazy.' It's a huge red flag to me."
"It's the combination of derogatory terminology referring to mental illness, and the inability to talk about past relationships maturely that crushes the attraction for me."
5."Anyone who uses the bullshit line, 'You're not like other girls.'"
"Yes, yes, I am like other girls. Girls are awesome, and so am I, bye."
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6."Even if they're great when it's just the two of us, if they act like a totally different and obnoxious person with their friends, I'm going to nope out of there."
"I don't need whiplash from trying to keep up with their ever-changing personality."
7."People who don't take care of their kids and are more interested in themselves than being a good parent."
"I have a few friends who are in relationships with horrible parents. I'm always telling them that regardless of all the other things, not being a good parent would be a deal breaker for me."
9."People who have loud, private, speakerphone conversations in public places."
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"Now hear me out: I suffer with chronic pain and fatigue. There have been countless times where I've liked someone and told them about how it affects my day-to-day life only to be given unsolicited advice.
When I explain that I've tried those things and that they weren't effective for me, they then tell me, 'You must just not be trying hard enough.' I tell people early on now so I don't waste my time, because most people with the incessant need to 'fix' their partner will try to do so as soon as they can."
11."He ALWAYS knew everything, even when it was obvious he didn’t."
"I had an ex who was not exactly condescending, but he never once said, 'Oh really? I didn’t know that!' in five years of a relationship."
12."The biggest deal breaker for me is using (and abusing) alcohol, tobacco products, recreational drugs, or any combination thereof."
13."Someone who wants children. That's a real deal breaker for me."
14."When you're having a conversation, and after you reply to something they said, they say, 'But it's not even that...' and go on to further explain, rather than saying something like, 'Good point, and also...' or, 'Yeah, exactly, and...' It's so dismissive and rude."
"I don’t even know if that makes sense, but it drives me nuts!"
15."People who can't apologize (or when the best they can do is say 'soRrY' with no eye contact and a bitchy tone)."
16."Multiple children with multiple ex-partners, especially ones they weren't married to. I get that shit happens, but more than once signals, to me, a pattern of lax birth control and a lack of interest in commitment."
"I'm admittedly super old-fashioned where children and marriage are concerned."
17."The way they chew and eat is a deal breaker. If they chew with their mouth open, smack their lips, slurp, or blow air out of their nose while eating, it's over."
"I'm married now, but this was my deal breaker while I was dating. Misophonia is fantastic!"
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18."When all of someone's stories or their entire personality revolve only around how drunk or high they got. It's like their entire life and all they can talk about is partying, drinking, getting high, etc."
"There's nothing wrong with doing those things, but it’s kind of pathetic when you’re like in your 30s, and that's the only interesting thing about you, as well as the only thing you care about."
19."Treating people horribly. There's no excuse for it, and it's a clear sign of how one sees the world."
"For instance, I once asked a person to pull over and let me out of his car after he went off about a homeless person crossing the road. It made him have to wait to turn. No, thanks."
20."Went on a hiking date with someone who littered. There was no second date."
"Don't litter, y'all! It's selfish and ruins the trails for everyone else."
21."People who don't wash their hands!"
"I was on a date with a guy, and he went to the bathroom so quickly that I joked, 'Wow, did you even have time to wash your hands?' He told me he didn't need to wash his hands because he showers in the mornings!"
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22."Smoking and vaping are such big turn-offs for me."
"My grandparents on both sides of my family were heavy smokers. I lost my grandparents on my dad's side due to complications from smoking, and my maternal grandma is currently dealing with many complications due to smoking. Smoking has brought so much pain onto my family."
23."My number-one turn-off is people who are too intimidated by the size of my family and how tightly knit we are. I get that it's a little intimidating, but constantly commenting on it or trying to make me feel bad for being extremely close to my cousins, aunts, and uncles is an instant red flag."
"Or making a big deal out of the fact that I refer to my cousins' kids as my nieces and nephews."
24."People who bitch about others. If they're doing it to you, they're doing it about you."
25."Tantrums or anger issues."
"I was on a date with a guy, and we went to a busy Starbucks in central London. He was vegan, and they accidentally put cream on his iced Frappuccino. Instead of politely asking they change it, he took the lid off and scooped the cream out with his hand. But, he then proclaimed there was still cream in it, so he THREW THE DRINK ON THE GROUND. In the middle of Starbucks.
When I told him after the date that I didn't want to see him again, he said I was clearly looking for someone 'posh, who wears tweed.' No, babe, I just don't want a rude arsehole."
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26."The need to always be the right one."
27."Being very rude or condescending toward your own family (without any good reason)."
"I went in a date with someone I'd liked for ages, and, at some point, he was just dunking on his little sister for studying to be a hairdresser while he was going to university. He also kept talking about how nobody in his family could think critically.
I completely understand that some people have genuine issues with their family, but this wasn't the case here. He just thought he was so much better than all of them — like he'd somehow been able to 'cast off the shackles' of his origins.
Now don't get me wrong — I definitely don't always see eye to eye with my family, but ultimately, they raised me and I respect them. His level of disrespect toward the people who raised him jumpstarted me into seeing that he was actually very condescending toward anyone who didn't measure up to his perceived standards."
28."If they have toxic friends. For a lot of reasons."
29."Not believing dinosaurs are real."
31."Not being a critical thinker."
"I’ve thought of a whole laundry list of things that would be deal breakers, but they all boil down to whether or not he could think critically."
32."I feel like 'Don't date cultists' should be number one on a list of dating tips."
33."Being obsessed with social media or needing to document everything all the time and project a perfect version of their life."
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34."Not being able to handle me when I'm depressed."
"My best friend's little sister died in a car crash, and I was torn up about it. My now-ex became indifferent toward me because I was 'too depressed to be with.'
If someone can't handle being a decent human being when I'm depressed, what are they going to act like when it's my mom? Dad? Dog, even? 'Whoops, sorry, but I don't wanna hang out because you're sad.'"
"I hate it. It makes me angry. Be nice to people. Accept they may not be as knowledgeable as you on a subject. Don’t condescend."
37."If they don't even attempt to get along with my friends."
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38."Minimizing my accomplishments."
"I knew this woman, and if I said something like, 'I got a promotion at work,' instead of saying that it was great and that I was great at my job, she'd say something like, 'Yeah, well didn't you say Bill has really been helping you out with stuff?'"
39."Not being a feminist."
40."If the person you are dating makes you feel small."
"Not in a physical sense but like you’re less than them. I’ve learned that's my first sign to book it out of there."
41."People who proudly mentioned they thought jealousy was important in a relationship."
"That's an automatic no from me. I don't want someone questioning every time I hang out with a friend or getting paranoid if I'm not in contact for more than a few hours."
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42."Not having a capacity for compassion or empathy for others, including animals."
43."Thinking housework is women's work."
44."Make me feel like my feelings are invalid or that theirs are more valid than mine."
45.And obviously: "If they liked me back — can't date people with awful taste."
So, do any of these resonate with you? What's the ultimate deal breaker that you'd end a relationship over, even if the person ticked off every other box? Let us know in the comments below!
Note: Responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.