18 Life Lessons People Say They Learned In Hindsight After A Heavy Breakup Or Divorce
There are lessons learned in everything we do — even in situations when things don't go right or as planned. I recently stumbled upon a Reddit thread where u/Life_Rub6905 asked "What's the most valuable lesson you've learned from a failed relationship?" The answers were honestly really helpful and an important reminder whether you're single or in a relationship.
1."Don’t lose yourself in your significant other. It can be hard to find your own identity again after the relationship ends."
2."People change. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse, sometimes for themselves, and sometimes for other people. Sometimes, they don't even notice that they've changed. Sometimes they do. The person you've got together with may have been a lovely person. But a single event can change them into an entirely different person. Be it a diagnosis, death in the family, losing a job, or something else."
3."Do not ignore any red flags in the beginning because they don’t go away or disappear with time."
4."Don't endure abuse thinking they'll suddenly realize they're being abusive and love you more for staying."
5."I learned to love myself more and never put someone else on a pedestal."
6."Communication without action is just complaining. I'd lay out what problems we were having only to be told I'd need to be patient but nothing was ever acted on. I ran out of patience."
7."Sometimes you can be two good people who just want different things for your futures. Your relationship didn't fail. It just ran the course it needed to. My first love was someone I truly expected to marry, but he wanted children and wanted his dream job in the Midwest. I didn't want children, and I wanted a life full of international travel and living by the ocean. There were a lot of tears and grief in realizing we had to let each other go. We're now both in our 40s and each living the lives we wanted in very different places. I look back on our time together with nothing but fondness. We can still learn from people and not end up with them."
8."Make sure you have your finances in order to be able to walk away at any point, never find yourself financially trapped with someone you don’t want to be with."
9."Better to be alone than be with a person who makes you feel alone."
10."It’s ok to want to do for your partner, but make sure it is in some way genuinely reciprocated and you are not being walked on. I failed so many times wanting to be the good guy."
11."Never stay for the kids. Sometimes a house divided is happier."
12."When he makes mean jokes and his friends tell you he's an asshole, you need to pick up your shit and leave. Don't waste time. If he says he's an asshole, believe him. GTFO."
13."Wait at least a year more than you originally think you should prior to getting married. Discuss deal breakers with your partner and make sure both of you understand what will endanger the relationship."
14."No relationship is better than a bad relationship. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."
15."I learned to be secure in myself and not count on the other person to 'complete' my identity as well as having the wisdom and courage to walk away once I realized they are not going to be the one."
