30 Reasons Why People Decided To Leave Organized Religion For Good — I'm Honestly In A State Of Complete Shock

Recently, I asked the BuzzFeed Community about their experiences with organized religion and why they chose to leave, and I received an overwhelming amount of stories.

When the post was published, people shared even more stories in the comments section and via an anonymous Google Form. I realized how cathartic it was for people to be able to tell their stories, and I wanted to honor more of the submissions I wasn't able to include initially.

Thank you again to everyone who was willing to be so vulnerable in sharing their experiences with me and the readers of BuzzFeed.

Content warning: sexual assault, child abuse, racism, and anti-LGBTQIA.

1."I was living in poverty and raising two kids. I took them to church until the priest came to my roach-ridden, barely-furnished apartment with my check in his hand to tell me that my $10 couldn't support the church and that I needed to increase it at least five-fold or find a different church. He left my check. We left the church and never went to another one."

2."I was a sound engineer for Sunday services at a church I attended. Multiple respected clergy members were having affairs. They stood before the congregation condemning these actions yet they were leading a double life and breaking their own preachings. "

— Anonymous

3."We struggled for many years to have a child and had to do multiple rounds of IVF to have her. When it came to baptism, I did some research and found that the Catholic church believes it's a mortal sin to conceive a child this way, and that the parents need to confess their sin and ask god for forgiveness.

There was no way in hell I would ever ask for forgiveness for this. I never asked for severe endometriosis and uterine tumors. Clearly she was wanted and loved. That should be enough. I left and never looked back."

—poiuy222

4."When my mom got kicked out Jehovah's Witnesses for refusing to not celebrate mine and my siblings birthdays. You can’t convince me god will disown you for celebrating life."

— Anonymous

5."I was raised Christian and attended church multiple times per week. My mom was told she couldn't sing in the choir because she was divorced. My sister was sexually assaulted and murdered by her step-father and the church asked, 'What she did to tempt him?'

My half-sister's dad was excommunicated because HIS WIFE cheated (and married the guy), but she wasn't excommunicated because the new husband was really wealthy and joined the church. I could go on and on for days. I consider myself religious in my own way, but I don't believe I'll ever formally be a member of a church again."

—audreyunashamed

6.As a teenager, I was one of the first girls in the area to be given the role of altar server. I served almost every weekend and also attended a second mass because I was in the choir. My first inkling that organized religion was not for me was when I received a phone call from the Deacon the night before a special Mass, and he told me that the Bishop didn’t want to say Mass with a girl on the altar.

After college, I was asked to run a teen’s choir. I was honored, and formed a small group of instrumentalists and singers. I was proud of our group, but the priest would talk monthly to the congregation on how the teen choir wasn’t good enough and tried to solicit opinions for how to change the work we were doing. I was very hurt because I had spent so long serving my church. I left the church soon after getting married in my 20s. I still believe in God, but I prefer to do it without the discrimination and hurtful comments, so I am no longer part of any organized religion."

—michellerahaimh

7."Had several people in my hometown leave a particular Church for a couple of reasons. The first was a couple had been told to donate their entire 401(k) to the Church, because of the verse about laying up your treasures in heaven, not on Earth.

The second, more impactful reason I knew some people left was because the head pastor had been charged with grooming and sexually assaulting a 16-year-old. The REST of his congregation defended him, saying if Jesus had forgiven him, the rest of the world should too. I tell ya, humans fuck everything up if given enough time."

—thesettledpirate

8."I left after the Methodist church split. I cannot tolerate the church going into anyone's bedroom. I am straight and have had many gay friends along the way. At 74-years-old I am not about to start being prejudiced against anyone whether it be sexual preference, color, age, etc. So I no longer will be involved in organized religion! I can pray to my God from anywhere and everywhere!"

—Anonymous

9."I grew up Catholic and was on my confirmation retreat. This was about the time when a lot of the sexual abuse allegations had come out. We all sat in a circle with our priest, who at the time we all liked and trusted. We asked him questions about it and his thoughts on it. A few weeks later we find out that he had abused children in the past.

I felt so deceived and I was so angry that this person, whom I had just confessed my sins to, had done something so unforgivable and had the gall to sit there like that with us. I stuck around the church for a little while, but left as soon as moved out of my parent's house. I constantly have this guilt for not going, something I was raised with, but I’m happier not going. For me, I have a faith that there is a higher power, but I’m not stuck in this organized approach."

—nzern921

10."I was in third grade and our first class of the day was always religion. One morning, the teacher asked us if we prayed for forgiveness every morning for the sins we committed in our sleep. I wish I could remember how she got there, but by the end of the hour she had 'proved' that we sin in our sleep. That was it for me."

— Anonymous

11."I was brought up as a Church of Christ Christian, and even went to a Christian college, but that's when things started to fall apart. I met a guy and we had premarital sex. My best friend at the time found out, and shortly after, I was kicked out. I left and got into paganism, which I find much more welcoming.

10 years ago, right before my mom died, I called her and explained everything about being bisexual, pagan, etc. She told me that what she wanted most was for me to be happy, whole, safe, and sane. When she passed away a couple of months later, one of the elders in the congregation got up and delivered a 20 minute monologue about what my mother would have wanted most in life was for me to come back to the church. I have since told my father and my stepmother that I will never set for it in a church again."

—c44c6bca0e

12."I was Catholic until my daughter was born. She has Down Syndrome. I wanted her to be christened. They said no and that she was an abomination and she should be 'put down.' Last time I was in any church."

—vle82017

13."I lived in a largely religious, very wealthy town where Christians have multiple homes, live extravagant lifestyles, and yet that was never called out in the sermons. Somehow the sermons seemed to focus on the sins of other people, and not the idea that you can’t worship God and money.

Now the church has built multiple state of the art expansions, and last time I went in the pastor was arguing that ‘Jesus was for capitalism’. To me, an organization that claims to love everyone but upholds the power of oppressive systems has missed the mark by a long shot. I still believe in God, but I do not partake in religiosity."

—Anonymous

14."In college, I became frustrated with the sermons that spoke of how taking birth control was against God’s will and that I was sinning by taking it, even though I was using it to control my horrible period symptoms."

—michellerahaimh

15."At 14-years-old old, about two months after my Mom died from cancer, the nun asked me to come up in front of class to explain to them what it felt like to see and touch my mom after she died. I immediately left class to cry in the bathroom stall. No one checked to see if I was ok. I never went back."

— Anonymous

16."My grandmother didn't go to church for two years because of heart complications and the resulting dementia. After she passed, the church told us that since she hadn’t tithed in two years, they wouldn’t hold her funeral. My grandmother went there for decades.

Luckily the church my aunt and uncle went to had a wonderful pastor who stood by our side the whole time and made sure to check on all of us. Some people are in it for the wrong thing."

—google_111288789788060830592

17."I was 16-years-old, a foster child, and pregnant. Our Bishop said he needed to weigh my breasts weekly to confirm my milk was coming in. I knew a loving God would not want this."

— Anonymous

18."When Donald Trump was running for President and with everything we knew about him, the pastor of my church (whom I respected and really liked) made a video for the congregation telling us that voting for 'the party' was more important than looking at the candidate. That was when I was officially done with that church."

— Anonymous

"I’m still a Christian, but after 2015 I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to go to a church again. The way the churches lined up to idolize Trump brought on an identity crisis, the likes of which I’ve never had. The same people who taught me 'suffer not the little children and let them come unto me for of such is the kingdom of heaven' were suddenly happy with kids being taken away from their parents and put in cages because they came here asking for help. The evil stuff churches were out and out celebrating… I still don’t understand."

—chaoticemmes

19."The cold hard truth is: unless you're a straight man, religion will never be on your side. Ever. They dictate, they decide, they rule, and that's how it's been for thousands and thousands of years. Women can never catch a break; we are original sin, we are vile, we are dirty, and everything is our fault.

I saw this clearly when I was 15 and was sexually assaulted. I WAS BLAMED for...  sleeping over at a friend's house? Being 15 and tempting a 23 year old? I don't know how tempting oversized PJ's and acne are, but there you have it, ALL MY FAULT. I was fucking DONE after that."

—morgan_le_slay

20."We left my church after the pastor openly supported conversion therapy. He said it really worked, and that it was good because gay men were clearly terrible, since they’d marry women and then cheat on their wives with men. He couldn’t see that 'conversion' and forcing them to marry women was probably the reason behind the cheating... because conversion doesn’t work."

—ah1758

21."While going through the process of adopting a child, I asked the pastor of my church to perform me and my husband's marriage ceremony before the baby arrived. The pastor refused, stating that the child's mother 'was a whore' and that the child 'was probably a savage.' He clarified by explaining all Black children were savages. I had to prevent my husband from doing bodily harm. I haven't attended church since that day."

— Anonymous

22."When the priest at my Catholic school told our class that animals didn’t have souls and that none of our dead pets were waiting for us in heaven."

— EmcSquared

23."When I learned that the books in the Bible were selectively curated and not the only books they could’ve chosen. The fact that they literally cherry picked the ones that matched Christianity’s desired narrative taught me that they just made up the basis for the religion, claimed it was infallible, and ignored the ideas or stories they didn’t like."

— rustyshack567

Note: The apocrypha is a collection of books that were removed from the Bible in 1885 A.D. There are several other texts that are considered "lost books" of the Bible, though most people within the church do not believe they are "the inspired word of God."

24."My father was diagnosed with lung cancer when I was 17. After his death, I was having a hard time understanding why God would let this happen. When I asked my pastor, he told me I didn't have enough faith. Then, when I told someone else about this, I was called a liar and was pretty much shunned."

— Anonymous

25."When I was 17 I found out I was pregnant. I decided to not go to church, where I'd been very involved in the youth group, until I could figure out what I was going to do and had a plan. Three weeks after I found out, one of the ladies from the church called to ask where I'd been and to 'check' on me. My mother told her that I was pregnant. The woman went back to the church and told them, but no one told me this had happened.

When I went back to church (which I would not have done had I known) I was called to the front of the congregation and made to 'repent' for the sin of premarital sex in front of 350 people. It was horrific and scary and traumatizing, and that was the moment it was over for me. None of them cared about ME — or my baby — just about the 'sin' I'd committed."

—robinseggblue

26."I was raised Catholic and grew up going to church and reading the Bible. When I started going to school, I was told I wasn't allowed to befriend anyone 'different.' Meaning not white. I could talk to them but I wasn't allowed to be friends with them because 'the Bible said so.'

Except that when I read the Bible, I found no such mentions. My father forbade me from leaving Catholicism in favor of more liberal Christianity and didn't speak to me for three months after bringing it up. His reaction basically pushed me fully into atheism."

— Anonymous

27."I had a very sweet coworker years ago. She was older than me and we’d joke she was my work mom. She was a devout Christian and one of the sweetest people you’d ever meet. Her husband was cheating on her, and it’s a small town so everyone knew.

He ended up getting a woman he was cheating with pregnant. My friend turned to the pastor for help and he told her it was her fault, and just completely disregarded her. I was disgusted!"

—mizztina

28."I had always been told that church policy was to 'encourage all members to vote according to the dictates of their conscience,' but Proposition 8, which banned gay marriage, changed that.

During the 2008 election, Church leadership in Utah suddenly started sending missives to local congregations in California urging members to donate their 'time, talents, and money' to Proposition 8. That was the first step in a journey that eventually ended in me leaving the Mormon church for good, and I’m so much happier being out!"

— Samantha

29."At my former church, the head pastor was genuinely a good guy. He was forced out of the church five years ago because he wanted to spend more of the church's money to go out and actually help the community. The deacons refused because then they couldn't spend money on themselves.

There was also a lot of cliques in the church. If you weren't rich enough or deemed not good enough, you would be excluded from almost everything. A lot of the church members were all about themselves and don't actually care about the community."

—bbangbbangz

30."I gave up on the notion of being a Christian when a Christian school defended the kid who sexually harassed and physically assaulted me for four months. They told me it was my fault, most of the teachers turned against me, and told me I was no longer welcomed at the school. Christ told us to defend the weak and the oppressed, give to those who got down on their luck, and fight back when he saw something wrong and unjust. I choose to be a Christ follower, NOT a 'Christian.'"

—cellosandaviolin19

One more massive thank-you to all the people who shared their stories with me. You are so appreciated.

If you or someone you know has experienced sexual assault, you can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE, which routes the caller to their nearest sexual assault service provider. You can also search for your local center here. 

If you are concerned that a child is experiencing or may be in danger of abuse, you can call or text the National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-422-2253 (4.A.CHILD); service can be provided in over 140 languages.

If you or someone you know has experienced anti-LGBTQ violence or harassment, you can contact the National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs hotline at 1-212-714-1141.