Here Are 9 Children Who Cut Off Their Financially Supportive (But Toxic) Relatives
Editor's Note: This post includes mentions of abuse and sexual assault.
Having relatives who help you out financially can be a blessing — but if those relatives happen to be terrible, it can feel more like a curse.
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Since money is unfortunately a necessity for most, it's not uncommon for people to think they can hold it over people's heads to influence their decisions.
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A relative might offer to fund your education — as long as you live exactly how they want you to.
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Or they might take the opportunity to wage war on your mental, emotional, and/or physical health — as is the case with a lot of the people who responded to my post asking the BuzzFeed Community to share why they'd cut off financially supportive family members.
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Here are some stories from people who went no or low contact with family members whose money just wasn't worth the trouble (and a couple who are still waiting to break free):
1."So, I used to help a family member of mine. They helped me financially and gave me a roof over my head. In return, I quit my job, moved in with them, and they would give me an allowance for food and to, well, survive. Well, two years later, it turned into fighting matches and abuse (mentally, emotionally, psychologically, and one time physically) all by the family members that I lived with. My mom warned them to stop or else. They never did. I ended up 'quitting,' got a new job (that actually pays), moved out, and I blocked all of them before one of them sent me a nasty message because they like the last word. I went no contact with them, but if a family event does come up, I’m cordial with them. I still have PTSD from them."
—Anonymous
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2."I thought I had a good, loving family. My mom inherited a good amount money from my uncle who died when I was 18. She started several successful businesses, and I worked at several (for WAY less than I deserved, but as mommy always said, 'You’ll get this business one day so you have to work hard at it!!'). She bought herself mansions and wardrobes and cars, while her employees (like me) applied for food stamps. Then, I got sick. As soon as I stopped being able to work as hard as they wanted, they cut me off completely."
"My mom told people that I was faking my illness, and that I was just doing it for attention. My girlfriend saved my actual life by taking me and my kiddo in and getting me the medical help I needed. I haven’t spoken to my family in years now, and I’ve never been poorer or happier. Money means nothing, and family is not who made you, but who loves you."
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3."Throughout the course of about three years, I ended up cutting off my entire family. ... I decided I was no longer going to put up with abuse from my narcissistic mother after dealing with it for my entire life. About a year ago, I had gotten sick. I was in and out of emergency rooms, and there was no support or even any acknowledgement to the fact that something was wrong. A close friend of mine had helped me throughout the entire process, and we came to the conclusion that I needed to get out of my situation, as my physical and mental health were being affected [by my mother]. I was barely holding on by that point."
"My friend let me move in with her, so I got what I could of my belongings and told my mother I was leaving. Of course, she got nasty, so she was blocked from there on out and rarely ever spoken to again. I had to change banks completely, get a new job, find all new health and car insurance, and a new cellphone plan. All while I was still working a minimum wage food service job. I still haven't gotten to a place of 100% security, financially or mentally, but I'm definitely way better than I was a year ago. I'm surrounded by love and support, I've found a chosen family, and I'm no longer living in fear. It was a big jump and a big risk, but ultimately, it was worth it."
—Anonymous
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4."I took my mom's husband to court because he was trying to take her inheritance from me since I couldn’t touch it until I was 25 (seven years later). He told the lawyer he would keep paying for me and my lifestyle if I gave in and 'let him raise me the way my mom should have,' and my lawyer laughed at him. I had to grow up way too fast and made a lot of mistakes, but I wouldn’t change a thing. We haven’t spoken in 11 years."
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5."My mother has narcissistic personality disorder, is a pathological liar, and has been an alcoholic for most of my life. I grew up heavily gaslighted and was abused well into my 20s before I finally put my foot down and ceased contact with her altogether. I was living on my own about two hours away from my hometown, and she would frequently drive up to buy me groceries or fill my gas tank, randomly pay my bills, buy me necessities like shoes and bras, etc. I got a lot of support, and I needed it, but it was just a game to her. She would do really terrible things to me (like threaten to murder my pets) and then shower me with things I needed to live to keep me ensnared."
"Booting her was the hardest decision of my life, but it was ultimately for the best, and I'm finally starting to heal on my own. It got real weird for a few months, though, because she kept mailing me gifts like jewelry to try to get me to give her another chance, but I'll never put myself back in that position again."
—Anonymous
6."My first day of college orientation years ago, my bio dad — who was with me after not raising me but wanted to support me and be in my life — had just given me a bank card the day before and kindly (I thought) set me up with some money. It was a big deal; I’d been working since I was 13, always had a job, and really needed the money while I was in school. Then, he slapped me, in front of all of these people gathered outside the school building. Across the face. Because I asked him to repeat something he said as I hadn’t heard it. (Found out as an adult he abused my mother as well.) I slid that bank card under his hotel door that same night."
"I had no money for weeks (I mean 64 cents no money), but girls in my dorm gave me leftover food, a borrowed blanket, pillow, conditioner, etc. Got a nightly waitress job, picked myself up, returned the favors by teaching them all to cook and do their own laundry (correctly). A student who had seen the slap was working at Barnes & Noble six months later as the cashier, and he remembered me and asked if I was 'okay,' trying not to offend me. Using my own money to buy my book, I said, 'Hell yeah, I’m okay. This is money I earned myself.' NO regrets."
—Anonymous
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7."My mother is a narcissist who sees her children exactly as she wants to so she can boast to her extremely conservative social groups. I'm a liberal, queer, childfree artist, which matched none of her plans for her only daughter. I saw that she only cared about how my identity hurt her (aka her image) rather than any of the lifetime of silent suffering I endured under her close-mindedness! She started using finances as a way to try to control and monitor me (she had access to all my college and bank accounts), so as soon as I graduated, I chose to be homeless and cut all contact."
"Nearly a decade later, I'm a successful creative director and just celebrated my four-year anniversary with the joy of my life. Despite therapy and second chances, the bridge between me and my mother remains burned. But I've built a beautiful life through the light of that fire and wouldn't change a thing."
—Anonymous
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8."I don’t know if this counts, but I’m still going to post it. My husband, then-2-month-old child, and I lived in my mother-in-law's house. We paid extra low rent, and she was helping us out a ton, until about a year in, when she got this boyfriend who was a convicted child molester. He just got out of prison for possession of inappropriate pictures of kids, and he was on probation. She let him in the house, and when I was at work, she let him hold my baby. He wasn’t supposed to be around any kids nor even family members' kids. So, I called the cops, he went back to prison, and the mother-in-law kicked us out."
"We moved out of state; she tried to come and take my child from me and my husband, and she would talk trash about us to anyone who gave her the time of day. My husband knew that she was just toxic. We were kind of glad she kicked us out because we are doing way better now and don’t depend on anyone. We don’t even talk to her anymore, and my husband feels relieved."
9."My abusive mom pays for my literal life-saving daily medication. My first step was to start depositing/withdrawing money from my bank account without her knowing, so she doesn't know how stable I am financially. I'm also looking for online work so I can have an income without her knowing. My goal is to build up enough to hold down an apartment AND pay for my meds — until then, I'm stuck."
—Anonymous
The National Alliance on Mental Illness helpline is 1-888-950-6264 (NAMI) and provides information and referral services; GoodTherapy.org is an association of mental health professionals from more than 25 countries who support efforts to reduce harm in therapy.
