Experts Say Permissive Parenting Fails Kids
While permissive parents are often very responsive and loving, this parenting style is defined by having no rules.
The term was developed by psychologist Diana Baumrind, who studied preschoolers and found their parents mostly fit into three main parenting styles: authoritative parenting, authoritarian parenting, and permissive parenting. (A fourth parenting style, neglectful parenting, was added later to address extremely uninvolved and emotionally distant parents.)
Studies show children of permissive parents are more likely to show signs of anxiety and depression, aggression, have bad social skills, and do poorly in school.
Agree on family rules. "Work hard to stay calm when those rules aren't followed, so you can insist that your child follow them," says Dr. Markham. "Remember that staying connected with your child is what gives him the motivation to follow your rules." She also says to notice the times when you're not setting limits because your child's hurt feelings makes you uncomfortable - but be willing to face your own discomfort.
Establish a routine. "All children want to feel a sense of belonging and feel that they matter and have something meaningful to contribute," says Zeichner. "If you have trouble getting out the door in the morning, ask your child what steps you all need to take to leave on time. Brainstorm ideas and come up with a plan together. Doing so fosters connection and models respect, while also building problem-solving and decision-making skills."
Never ignore bad behavior. "You can start by saying, 'You're yelling at me. You know we don't use that tone with each other. You must be really upset. Tell me about it,'" says Dr. Markham. "But don't ignore it. And later, when everyone is calm, you can say to your child, 'I'll always listen to what you have to say. I won't yell at you. I expect you to tell me what you're upset about without yelling at me.'"
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