Should I plan an elaborate meal for my 1-year-old’s birthday party? My mom thinks so
Q. Our little girl is going to be 1 soon. We want to have a birthday party for her and invite both sides of the family, but want to concentrate on this being a birthday party for her and not a big meal for everyone. We are thinking about putting a time on the invitations of 1-3 o’clock because with all the excitement, she will be worn out and ready for a nap by then. I mentioned all this to my mother and she thinks we need to have a meal along with the cake and ice cream. She also doesn’t think we should put an end time on the party. Are we missing the boat here when it comes to proper etiquette?
A. This is a very exciting time for you and your husband and your little girl. That is where the focus should be. You all three want to enjoy the party and you want to share it with your family.
There is no etiquette rule that says you have to have a full meal for everyone when inviting them to a birthday party. Having a meal would require a lot of extra work for you and time away from the “birthday party.”
Identifying a beginning time and ending time for the party is also not improper. Instead, it allows all the guests to be able to schedule the rest of their day.
Bottom line: You do not have to change your plans at all. Happy First Birthday to your daughter.
Q. My husband and I were invited to a graduation party recently for our niece. The invitation suggested $$$$ would be appreciated to help with college expenses.
We usually like to give a gift — something special — like a necklace or bracelet which every time it is worn, will remind them of us and our love for them. We don’t buy anything cheap either, but we don’t usually get such a strong hint of what the gift should be. We gave it a lot of thought and decided on a special engraved bracelet as our gift. We were the only ones who chose to give a gift, so did we make the wrong decision?
A. You did not make the wrong decision. Your gift was very thoughtful and one which should be cherished forever knowing it was chosen and given with love. It is very improper to make any kind of suggestion as to what type gift is expected or encouraged on any invitation, whether it is a wedding, birthday, or graduation.
None of your business
Q. My mother always taught me not to ask personal questions — that if the person wanted me or anyone else to know their personal business, they would tell me or make it known to everyone. So when the word got out I had been in the hospital and had surgery, I had a lot of calls from “friends” when I got home, asking me how I was and what kind of surgery I had. I thought it was rude and it really wasn’t any of their business. So, I gave several different nebulous answers and then changed the subject:
“Oh, it was nothing — just corrected an old war injury.”
“I’m fine —I just wanted a short vacation with room service.”
“I’m fine — just wanted to get something fixed that I have wanted to get fixed for a long time.”
Some didn’t accept my response and asked me again and then I said, “My, my — it’s over — I’m fine — let’s talk about something else.”
Did I handle that okay or should I have told them?
A. You are very correct in that it is very rude and impolite to ask such a personal question. You handled it very well and your responses should have gotten the point across in a very subtle manner that “it was none of their business”.
