Politics can ruin a Thanksgiving meal: Here's how to avoid the trap.

WORCESTER — Pass the turkey and the stuffing, and while you're at it, how about a pair of boxing gloves.

As families gather around the Thanksgiving Day table for the annual feast, what should be a happy time could turn unpleasant — maybe worse — if the discussion turns to politics. That's because we're living in highly polarized times when a passing comment can turn family ties into verbal fireworks.

If it happens, and it could, because some at the Turkey Day table can’t refrain from slipping into talk about red and blue states, remember these tips from a few experts. They spend their working hours advising people on how to navigate through tricky moments and relationships.

These nuggets of advice might help you remain calm and diffuse the situation because Thanksgiving Day should be about food, family and an after-meal nap to ease an overstuffed tummy.

Politics is off-limits

Set a ground rule before the meal starts that politics won’t be discussed and hope everyone adheres to it. Think of it as advocating for what makes you feel safe, said Courtney Council, a licensed mental health counselor.

If that doesn’t work and political talk starts that causes your blood pressure to rise, take a few deep breaths.

“Do some controlled deep breathing,” said Paul Sandman, a Worcester-based licensed mental health counselor. “Through the mouth, six or seven seconds each, and blow out. That should calm you down.”

Don’t be shy. Do it right at the table, said Sandman, and then tell everyone that if politics has to be discussed, it can wait until after the meal. Cardiovascular exercises and meditation before Thanksgiving Day can also put you in a positive frame of mind to weather political storms, said Sandman.

Make sure to listen and understand

One key to a healthy relationship is listening to and understanding the other person's point of view. That advice comes from James Cordova, chairman of the psychology department at Clark University.

Cordova operates a private couples therapy practice in Worcester. He said that while you may not like a political comment at the Thanksgiving table, it's important to listen and process the message. If that doesn't happen, the situation often devolves into a shouting match.

Cordova acknowledged it's not easy to follow his advice, but he laid out a scenario to steer the discussion into a calmer place. It goes like this: "I hear what you’re saying and it sounds like this is how you feel. Is that right? I’m glad I understand where you’re coming from. Would you like to hear how I feel about the matter?"

Council also believes it's important to listen closely to those we disagree with because it opens up new perspectives. She called it “calling someone in instead of calling them out.”

There’s also the simple strategy of changing the subject to divert the discussion away from politics. Cordova said break in and ask how an out-of-town relative is doing or turn to the person next to you and ask what they’re up to these days. That can get the conversation redirected fast.

You can also be clandestine, said Council. Develop a plan with someone you trust who will be at the Turkey Day table. Set a strategy that if a particular word or topic connected to politics is uttered, you both will quickly change the subject or make a graceful exit.

“Don't be afraid to take a break. Walk away and take a deep breath,” said Council.

A “worry rock” is another go-to strategy to calm your nerves. Like with a stress ball, Council said, hold the rock in your lap and fidget with it when times get tense. Others at the table likely won't notice it.

Don't worry, be happy

For those anxious about the Thanksgiving meal being ruined by political ideologies, Sandman believes the likelihood of that happening is small: “In my professional experience, 98 percent of what we worry about never comes to pass."

If that’s true, there’s still a 2% chance Uncle Jimmy could say something while the turkey is being carved that could set someone off on a political rant. For those worried about that happening, Sandman has a way to deal with it. Decide you’re only going to worry for a set block of minutes daily before Thanksgiving and stop worrying the rest of the day.

“You’ll worry a little less than if you don’t try this,” he said.

Sandman supplemented his worry-free advice with something his mother told him when he was a boy: "To each their own."

It means everyone is entitled to an opinion, even those you don't agree with politically.

“At the Thanksgiving table, think of ourselves as teammates accepting of other points of view. Be open-minded,” said Sandman.

Don't be afraid to apologize

Saying you’re sorry can go a long way to mending hurt feelings after a political screaming match at the Thanksgiving table, said Cordova.

It can go something like this: "I want to let you know that I’m sorry it got heated. There are things that I’ve done that contributed to this. I want to remind you that I love you and we’re in this relationship together. I don’t want a difference of opinion to come between us."

As Cordova sees it, “It's OK to disagree. Disagreements are allowable in a family."

Contact Henry Schwan at henry.schwan@telegram.com. Follow him on X: @henrytelegram.

This article originally appeared on Telegram & Gazette: Will politics ruin your Thanksgiving? Experts offer advice