Pop Culture Hot Takes From the Rest of the 2020 Presidential Candidates
This weekend, The Cut revealed its latest guest contributor, Senator Elizabeth Warren. Her piece “The World Needs Fewer Cersei Lannisters” was a symbolism-heavy treatise on the problem with Cersei’s assumption that her banked wealth will help her win despite the will of the people. Just some light thoughts about television. Any similarities to persons living or obstructing is purely coincidental. Actually, that’s the thing about Warren’s Television Without Pity-style article. She never pivots to applying her metaphor to real life. She spends 500 words talking about the plot of Game of Thrones like a (more) political Jonathan Van Ness. She's really a fan and it's glorious.
Anyway, we’re happy Warren published the piece and we’re definitely not envious at all, especially because we managed to get every other presidential candidate to write about their pop culture obsession for us. Every single one. All 75 of them. Here's a preview of some of the essays we're rolling out.
Bernie Sanders
Excerpt: I guess we had a television at some point. 1974? '75? I got really into the mystery of who shot J.R. on Dallas. My theory was that it was the proletariat. I was not correct. We got rid of the television after the finale of Lost. I was very frustrated by the whole thing. Very angry. I wrote a very stern letter to J.J. Abrams about it. And also about the lens flares in Star Trek. Why is there so much light?! It's very distracting! Is space full of Polaroid cameras? He has not responded to me. In any case, I am writing to you today not to talk about television, which I don't own, but rather about a production of Ubu Roi I saw in 1987 performed by puppets in the alley behind a CSA and community knitting workshop. I think you'll find the parallels to the present very striking...
Amy Klobuchar
Excerpt: Obviously Minneapolis' own Lizzo should be president. Have you heard her album? Have you seen her perform? Do you know how hard it is to play the flute?! If Lizzo entered the race it would be game over for everyone. Which is why I am preemptively throwing my support behind Lizzo for President of the United States. And I am also throwing my support behind Minneapolis' own Me, Amy Klobuchar, for Vice President. We are both Minneapolis' own and we are both very awesome and you should vote for us. Also Prince? Heard of him? Also Minnesotan. So, when you think of Prince and Lizzo, think of me, Amy Klobuchar.
Beto O'Rourke
Excerpt: Oh, man! Can you imagine being at a club while Ted Russo jams out on a piano?! Like in real life, in person? Man, I cannot even fathom it. That guy's a prince, man. He's a dad and he's responsible for his kids plus his stepdaughter, Kennedy, and also-let's be real-Blossom's best friend Six, but he's also a badass musician with an awesome haircut who is still very hip. He may have a regular bedtime and a bunch of sage advice to dispense now but catch him on a holiday weekend with a couple of brewskis in him and no errands to run and you'll witness the rebirth of a wild man. A king. A monument.
Kamala Harris
Excerpt: Sam Waterston's character, Jack McCoy, appeared on Law & Order for 16 years straight. And for 16 years he was a prosecutor. And people love Jack McCoy. People go as Jack McCoy for Halloween (okay, maybe they don't but you imagine it's probably happened once or twice). And nobody ever complains about his history as a prosector, even for the more controversial cases his office took on. Hmm. Interesting. Not saying there's any correlation to real life. Just saying it's interesting. Just watching Law & Order on TNT, appreciating the two separate yet equally important sides of the criminal justice system, and thinking about things...
Kirsten Gillibrand
Excerpt: As a movie fan, as a lover of good storytelling, as a mom, and as a former eighth grade girl, I was completely enthralled by the movie Eighth Grade and I am proud to be the first presidential candidate to take on Hollywood for their shameful slight of the film. The lack of attention paid to this movie is an outrage. Speaking of lack of attention being paid: me. Why am I not polling higher? I am very good at my job and extremely well-qualified for this job I'm running for. What gives? Electing me president would also, symbolically, be giving Eighth Grade an Oscar. Think about it. And if you're a fan of mine, answer your phone for pollsters, please!
Cory Booker
Excerpt: This is not a needlessly centrist position; this is the position that this country is aching for! We must heal the divide between fans of Aunt Viv 1 and those of Aunt Viv 2. We can have both!
Pete Buttigieg
Excerpt: This essay was originally entitled "The World Needs More Big Budget Adaptations of Ulysses" but I was kindly asked to choose something different. That's fine. I am totally fine with that. You can still read the original essay in full on my website. It is 5,000 words long and I have taken the liberty of translating it into 4 languages for ease of consumption. Now, back to the matter at hand. As the 2020 Presidential race's Ben Wyatt, my promise to you is that I will support Leslie Knope in all her endeavors.
Howard Schultz
Excerpt: As you can see, I have my finger on the pulse of the nation and really understand what people think and want. The only thing that would have made Andy's boyfriend better is if instead of working at a restaurant he worked at a massively successful coffee chain. WINK.
Andrew Yang, Seth Moulton, Tim Ryan, and John Hickenlooper
Excerpt: As you may not be aware, we are also running for president!
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