Post Tua Tagovailoa, NFL needs to get its head out of the sand when it comes to concussions

Warning: This column may not be up to its usual mediocre standards. On the way to my computer, I fell down some stairs and suffered a concussion, two detached retinas, four broken ribs, a mild heart attack and a possible case of ED.

Fear not, however. Tua Tagovailoa’s doctor cleared me to go ahead and write.

But seriously, folks, the hubbub over Tua’s noggin is no joking matter. In case you’re groggy on the details, Miami’s quarterback was tackled late in the second quarter two weeks ago, and the back of his head bounced off the Hard Rock Stadium turf.

He got up and wobbled as if he’d just guzzled a bottle of Boone’s Farm. A teammate helped him to the sideline, but Tua returned after halftime.

In a game four days later, his head was again slammed down during a game. This time, Tua was pretty much knocked out and his fingers seized up in front of his face.

Now everybody’s wondering if the NFL’s concussion protocols were formulated by Dr. Nick Riviera. Each team has an “unaffiliated neurotrauma consultant” (UNA) check out dazed players to see if they meet certain criteria, like “gross motor instability” and not remembering what planet they are on.

Miami’s UNA was canned; the specific reasons are unclear. But the team physician ultimately decides whether the player is concussed.

The Dolphins and the NFL insist concussion protocols were strictly followed. If that’s the case, it doesn’t take a brain surgeon to realize those protocols are the real joke here ...

Stud of the Week: Hossein Mahini. The Iranian soccer star was arrested after he expressed support for countrymen protesting the death of Mahsa Amini. Iran’s “morality police” busted her for not properly covering her hair in public. The 22-year-old then died of a supposed heart attack in custody.

Such is life in Iran. When U.S. athletes protest, the worst thing they risk is becoming a professional martyr and landing a Nike contract. When Iranian athletes protest, they risk having “heart attacks” in the primes of their lives.

Stud II: Bobby Wagner. The L.A. linebacker laid out an animal rights kook who ran onto the field with a pink flare during Monday night’s 24-9 loss to the 49ers. It was the best defensive play the Rams made all night ...

Dud: Antonio Brown. The ex-NFL bad boy receiver was kicked out of a hotel in Dubai after he plopped into the swimming pool wearing only gold chains and a big smile. Bookies have made Brown a 3-1 favorite to be the only soul ever kicked out of hell for bad behavior.

Dud II: The unidentified Scottish guy who was arrested for trying to shove a six-liter keg of lager down his pants at a Glasgow convenience store. The guy told cops he was just an Oklahoma fan who really needed a drink ...

Trump No. 1 among presidential golfers

Golf Digest rated presidential golfers last week. Donald Trump was No. 1 with a 2.8 handicap. Joe Biden was No. 2 with a 6.7, followed by John Kennedy (7 handicap), Franklin Roosevelt (8) and George W. Bush (11).

Let’s just say that if Trump and Biden cheated on their taxes like they cheat at golf, both would be chipping balls in Leavenworth ...

Kudos to all Florida sports teams who’ve donated to Hurricane Ian relief efforts. Brett Favre was so moved he pledged $5 million in Mississippi welfare funds to help build a women’s volleyball stadium for Southern Miss’s satellite campus in Pensacola ...

Chess Scandal Update: A porn website has offered U.S. Grandmaster Hans Neimann $1 million to play a match in the nude. World champ Magnus Carlsen has accused Neimann of cheating, perhaps by receiving electronic signals via anal beads (don’t ask).

When informed of the offer, Donald Trump said he’d play a round wearing only a MAGA hat to prove he’s really a 2.8 handicap ...

Dr. Nick Riviera, explained

Dr. Nick from "The Simpsons" got his degree from Hollywood Upstairs Medical College, where he finished just ahead of Dr. Phil and Dr. J ...

LeBron James is part of a group that has invested in Major League Pickleball. I’m ashamed to admit I’m not all that up on MLP, though I heard LeBron is trying to trade Russell Westbrook to any team that will give the Lakers two pickleballs in return ...

This Just In: The Dodgers have offered the Astros $1 million if they’ll replay the 2017 World Series in the nude ...

Approximately 25,000 men have played in the NFL, but Patriots rookie QB Bailey Zappe on Sunday became only the 104th player whose last name begins in Z. The first was guard Clyde Zoia, who played for the Chicago Cardinals from 1920-23. After being cleared by Tua’s doctor, he attempted a comeback in 1982 ...

In related news, Tampa Bay's UNA reported the entire defense suffered gross motor instability against the Chiefs on Sunday night ...

Clippers owner Steve Ballmer ($83 billion) is the richest owner in pro sports, Forbes reported last week. At current market prices, Ballmer could go on a shopping spree and bring home five NFL franchises, 10 NBA franchises, 12 MLB franchises, 497 pickleball teams and one Texas A&M recruiting class ...

Speaking on behalf of 330 million Americans, I’d pay Donald Trump and Joe Biden $1 million to never play a round of golf in the nude ...

That’s about all the space we have for this week’s Whitley’s Believe It or Not. Till next time, if Antonio Brown shows up at your pool party, feel free to call Iran’s morality police.

— David Whitley is The Gainesville Sun's sports columnist. Contact him at dwhitley@gannett.com. Follow him on Twitter @DavidEWhitley.

This article originally appeared on The Gainesville Sun: NFL's concussion protocol , Tua Tagovailoa headache for everybody