Prairie chickens expose the ancient mating dance of politicians and business | Opinion

Let’s get one thing clear from the start: I am not a bird person.

The only time in my life I can remember ever being intrigued by a bird was when I moved to Wichita and saw my first cardinal — perched on a fence at the now long-defunct Joyland Amusement Park — after growing up in a part of the country where the only cardinals wear NFL uniforms.

So if someone were to invite me to western Kansas, to get up at zero-dark-thirty to huddle in a bird blind with binoculars watching the mating dance of the lesser prairie chicken, I would politely decline, while inwardly thinking it’s about the least fun thing I could imagine doing. If the Discovery Channel ran a documentary on prairie chickens, I’d quickly change the channel to, well, anything else.

So this column isn’t about birds. It’s about your senators.

As indifferent as I am to the mating dance of the prairie chicken, it’s been tough to stomach the mating dance of the ag/oil industrial complex and our two Kansas senators, who did their bidding at the U.S. Capitol.

On Wednesday, the Senate approved the unprecedented action of using the Congressional Review Act to remove federal protection from a species of wildlife.

On a 50-48 vote, the senators rejected the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Department’s designations for two population groups of lesser prairie chickens — in west Texas and New Mexico, where they’re listed as endangered; and in Kansas, Oklahoma, Colorado and North Texas, where they’re in the slightly less dire category of being a threatened species.

“The senators who voted to use the Congressional Review Act to nullify protections for the lesser prairie chicken voted to condemn this bird to extinction,” wrote Stephanie Kurose, senior policy specialist at the Center for Biological Diversity. “It’s heartbreaking that 50 senators care more about lining the pockets of industry cronies than saving an irreplaceable piece of natural heritage in the West.”

The oil and ag industries have been pushing our senators, Roger Marshall and Jerry Moran, for this for years. And Wednesday, they got what they wanted.

“Today, the Senate acted to protect farmers, ranchers and producers from the unnecessary consequences of listing the lesser prairie chicken,” Moran said. “Listing the bird as a threatened or endangered species is not the answer — plain and simple, we need more rainfall, not more regulation.”

No word yet on how Moran intends to make it rain, except possibly campaign contributions.

And what the senator calls unnecessary consequences? Most anyone else would call them minor inconveniences, if that:

▪ Farmers are essentially unaffected because prairie chickens avoid cropland, so farms are exempt from protective regulations.

▪ Ranchers would have to follow a scientifically approved grazing plan, so their cattle don’t overgraze the prairie and destroy the birds’ habitat.

▪ Oil and gas producers, for about three months of the year, would have to wait until after 9:30 a.m. to service drilling rigs in prairie chicken mating grounds, because the birds only do the chicken dance early in the morning.

Marshall’s end zone dance was particularly egregious. He tweeted a GIF image of a prairie chicken in sunglasses with the reality-defiant caption, “It’s a good day to be a lesser prairie chicken.”

The reactions were better than the tweet, including:

“You kept them from being protected you weirdo.”

“Indeed, because animals famously love it when their habitats are potentially endangered so some humans can make a quick buck. They’re crazy for it!”

“As they say in Kansas, don’t pee on my boot and tell me it’s raining.”

If the House passes the measure, which is likely, President Joe Biden will probably veto it, with no immediate harm done to the birds.

The primary harm is to the reputation of our senators, who showed how willing they are to dance to the tune of a handful of wealthy cattle barons and oil boys.

Wouldn’t it be nice if the rest of us could get that kind of treatment once in a while?