Preston Xanthopoulos: Americans must break their addiction to hate and anger

The most overused, misplaced and uncivilized word in the English language, "hate."  The most overused, misplaced and uncivilized emotion in America, “hatred.”

How did we get here?  How did America become so divisive and angry? Particularly over something such as political partisanship?

Hatred, resentment, and anger seem to be an absolute addiction these days. Whether it is “cancelling” a famous person because they said something controversial; or boycotting a business because the CEO offended someone; or—and this is the one I understand the least, although I “hate” all of the “hate”—despising someone, deeply and emotionally, because they simply are registered to a different political party.

If you’re on social media, you’ve certainly seen it. Someone will share a news story or political message and note something like, “See, this is proof  (INSERT POLITICAL PARTY) hates you!”

When I engage with people online, which I really have to stop doing for my own mental health, I often get told by Republicans and Democrats depending on the topic, “stop both-siding this.”  Well, I’m going to absolutely “both sides this” because it is a bipartisan disease that has afflicted a frightening amount of people in this country.

In addition to just directly telling each other they hate each other and telling others that others hate them, the hate comes in other forms too.

Conservative firebrand Ann Coulter sent a picture of Uncle Fester out after the Pennsylvania U.S. Senate debate between Dr. Oz and John Fetterman, mocking Fetterman for appearing like the Munsters character. Don Trump Jr. did something similar, calling Fetterman “brain dead”. The man had a stroke a few months back.

Hollywood Filmmaker Rob Reiner is trying to rally his party with “…it’s time for America to cut ties with the anti-Semitic White Christian Nationalist GOP. VOTE BLUE!” Is Mr. Reiner saying if I vote red, I support anti-Semitic white nationalists? I’m a Christian, so actually, I’m not sure that's an insult. The rest is a pretty extreme accusation.

Republicans and Democrats alike, enjoy calling each other, “evil.” They use words like, “manifesto” referring to policy papers and “regime” when talking about party leadership.

People tend to discuss and disagree about what defines, “hate speech.” Everything I’ve shared here is hate speech and it's done millions of time a day. Hate. Hate. Hate.  We see it and hear it so often, we not only begin to believe it, we begin to feel it. That's when it gets dangerous.

Hatred is what has led to so many mass conspiracy theories. It is such an overwhelming emotion, it takes over our critical thinking.  If you’ve read this column before, you've probably seen me share my mothers words, “Hate consumes the hater.” Her words have never been truer. That is what is happening, we are being consumed by hate.  What is the scariest part? It’s over something as basic as what political party one is a member of.

That is hard for me to comprehend.  I grew up with a dad who was an Irish Catholic Democrat from Massachusetts and a mom who was an English Protestant Republican from New Hampshire. I feel like some partisans reading this just cringed at that concept.  I say, your loss if you only want share time with someone with identical opinions or ideas.

My husband and I rarely agree on even the mundane, like how much butter is the right amount for mashed potatoes, (I think one stick per potato sounds yummy), let alone on the important stuff; the complex stuff; the things and beliefs that are based on our information, our life experiences, our personal histories and stories.  How can I expect someone to agree with me all the time, if you aren't me, without my own narrative?  I can’t.  I don’t. I don’t dislike you because you think or feel differently than I do. And, I certainly don't hate you.

This country is in trouble and it’s not because of who is holding office or what party is or will be in charge.  The country is in trouble because we have a “hate first” mentality. We are in trouble because we think we are at war with one another.  We are not at war.  We do not have to be angry.

In the words of the recently late and forever great, Leslie Jordan, “Happiness is a choice.  Happiness is a habit. And, happiness is something you have to work hard at.” Let’s make the choice and change our habit. Let’s work hard at it.

Alicia Preston Xanthopoulos is a political consultant and member of the media. She’s a native of Hampton Beach where she lives with her family and three poodles. Write to her at PrestonPerspective@gmail.com.

This article originally appeared on Portsmouth Herald: Preston Xanthopoulos: Americans appear addicted to hate and anger