Pulse survivor explores identity, grief and forgiveness in new memoir
Brandon Wolf is most recognizable as an outspoken activist who turned grief into action following the Pulse nightclub tragedy in 2016. But his identity was shaped by much more than that single night, including the death of his mother and his upbringing in a white conservative town in the Pacific Northwest.
The life events that sculpted Wolf’s story are shared in his new memoir, “A Place For Us,” which begins in an Oregon hospital where his mother’s parting words were to “never forget how special you are.”
“I take people all the way back to what it was like growing up as a Black queer kid in very white conservative America — and what led me to move 3,000 miles from home to find a home here in Orlando,” Wolf said. “Intersectionality is not just a buzzword; it’s a lived experience. I wrote this book to talk honestly about what it feels to stand at the intersection of multiple marginalized identities.”
The memoir explores how certain memories “burrow their way into your subconscious,” shaping a self of self for decades to come.
“You never forget your first. First kiss. First love. First heartache,” the book reads before touching on racist and homophobic incidents from growing up that plagued Wolf’s nightmares. “There was always an instinctive glance over my shoulder when I passed the boys’ locker room and a flinch when ‘Faggot!’ echoed from inside.”
When he was 20, Wolf flew to San Francisco to audition for a job as a Disney performer after seeing an ad in his school’s newspaper. Just weeks later, he was offered the role and moved from Canby, Oregon, to Orlando with only two suitcases in hand.
“I had never really been an out, queer man living on my own without fear of consequences, and Orlando gave me the first opportunity to do that,” Wolf said. “Pulse, as a space, kind of embodied the safety I was looking for.”
From 2008 until 2016, the chapters of Wolf’s story reveal a messy, vulnerable and compelling coming-of-age tale that finds the young man exploring his sense of belonging in Florida. These pages paint a much fuller picture than news stories and soundbites focusing solely on Pulse.
“There’s more to us than just that one moment you see on TV. People relate to a lot of themes in the book, like family struggles and finding a place to belong in the world,” Wolf said. “There’s the story of the first time I was called the N-word. There’s the story of a white supremacist cell that was operating inside my high school at one point. There’s a story about a racist, homophobic incident with the Windermere Police Department.”
Part of writing this memoir, a three-year process that began in 2020, was a form of introspection for Wolf as he explores his own past. But his goal is for readers to find something relatable within the pages of his book.
“I wrote it for other people and other queer kids of color,” Wolf said. “I wanted them to know that they’re perfect exactly as they are. I wanted them to read this story and understand that it was a story about them, too. That required authenticity and vulnerability.”
The years since Pulse have sent Wolf, who works for Equality Florida, on a journey to create a better world, one that would honor the legacy of his friends who lost their lives during the Pulse tragedy.
“They mattered not just because of how they died but because of how they lived. I hope we can create a world they would be proud to live in,” he said. “It’s a world where all of us are free to be who we are, to read what we want to read and dress how we want to dress. Let’s celebrate those things instead of using them as cudgels against one another.”
More information: brandonwolf.us/a-place-for-us
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