Quincy woman raising 6 grandkids knows it takes a village: 'I don't know how she does it'

QUINCY − Sheila White never expected to be raising six children at age 59.

Nothing really prepared her for second motherhood, becoming the legal guardian of six of her nine grandchildren after their mother, her youngest daughter, could not care for them.

Yet, she says, "I have always been taking care of kids. My mother was a single mother, and there were seven of us."

When a full-time caretaker was needed 10 years ago, she stepped forward and has been raising her grandchildren, now ages 7 to 16, ever since.

Living with her are Kiora, 16; Braylon, 15; Kaiden, 13; Briell, 11; Kamdyn, 9; and Berlin, 7.

"I don't know how she does it," Eileen Kuhn, who is 48 and lives a few blocks away, said. "They are a wonderful family. The kids are all polite and respectful. Somehow, she juggles it all, and I give her credit for tapping into resources."

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Kuhn is one of those resources, part of a network of adults who volunteer to serve as mentors and companions for children and adolescents through the nonprofit organization Big Brothers Big Sisters of Eastern Massachusetts.

In its 74th year, the largest Big Brothers Big Sisters affiliate in New England has served more than 20,000 matches, adding 4,000 more this year.

The volunteers, called "Bigs," must be 18 or older. They make a commitment to spend a few hours a few times a month, for at least a year, with their matched young person, making a positive impact on their life.

Each of her six grandchildren has a "Big," and "it's been empowering" for them, White said.

They have gone glass blowing, visited a farm, taken yoga classes and explored theme parks, forming bonds along the way.

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Kuhn was matched with Briell, 11, in February, and they hit it off right away.

On their first outing, they went to the cafe at the Thomas Crane Public Library, across the street from Briell's home. Briell made their lunch and as they sat and got to know each other, they found they shared interests in being outdoors with nature and animals and made a list of things they'd like to do together.

"I like it because it helps me get out of the house," Briell said.

Since then, they've been to the Urban Air Trampoline and Adventure Park in Bellingham, walked a family dog at Castle Island and plan to read a book together this summer, go to the beach and ride bikes.

Kuhn, who works full time as a human resources officer for a Boston law firm, applied to be a mentor in the program because she grew up with two older sisters and an older brother, and found those close ties to her siblings were "critical in my personal life."

"I'm single and I wanted to give back and serve, and I think I have a good head on my shoulders," she said.

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The oldest grandchild, Kiora, was first to have a "Big" eight years ago. Hers came through a different organization, Big Sisters Boston.

"We do a lot of things together," Kiora said. "In the summer, we have gone to Canobie Lake Park and Six Flags New England and we try to go apple picking and blueberry picking, and we've talked about friendships, making new friends if I lose friends. She's like family."

Kiora's grandmother feels the same way.

"She's so kind and thoughtful, always sending cards. She even took Kiora job hunting," Sheila said. "And she taught her how to drive. For all these years, she hasn't missed a thing."

Braylon, 15, has been matched with Allen Arseneau, 44, of Hull, as his Big Brother for eight years.

Arseneau grew up under "very tough circumstances" in the Brighton section of Boston and credits his own Big Brother, an engineer named Paul who is now retired and lives in Marlboro, with turning his life around some 35 years ago. They still talk weekly.

Arseneau had no father, was surrounded by crimes and fighting, and Paul encouraged him to believe he could do whatever he wanted. He ended up with an engineering degree from Northeastern University, took graduate courses at Stanford and MIT, has his own family and founded his own startup company.

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"Allen was the only one in his family to go to college, and he knows what the future can bring if you invest in yourself," Sheila said.

"He gives me someone to look up to, a good role model," Braylon added. "He's almost always there for me and is a good father figure, which is a big thing for me."

Arsenau always wanted to give back but thought his life was too busy to become a volunteer until his wife said, "You'll be happier if you do."

"For me, Big Brothers was a transformative program because it gave me a father figure," Arseneau said. "I feel very indebted to it. And now, Bray is a wonderful boy. He has brought my whole family so much joy. He was in my wedding."

Kaiden's Big Brother in an easygoing Boston firefighter, who is 30 and served in the military. His own father was a police officer.

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Mother's Day, Sheila said, will be just like other Sundays − busy with church and activities. The family will go to services at Life Community Church in Quincy. She will take Briell and Kaiden to the Acres To Grow Farm in Scituate where they volunteer, cleaning cages and doing other tasks.

Kiora will be off to work at Fratelli's Bakery in Quincy. And Sheila will probably go food shopping, something she never accomplishes in just one trip. They will have supper, then make time for showers, homework and plan the week ahead, which will include a visit from at least one of the family "Bigs."

"The people who do it, they want to do it," she said. "It comes from the heart. They take time to hone in on the interests of the their matches. They make them feel welcome and like someone cares about them."

For her family, it has been a godsend, she said.

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This article originally appeared on The Patriot Ledger: Big Brothers Big Sisters helps Quincy woman raise 6 grandchildren