Quoth This Homeowner, “Nevermore”
Editor's note: Wichita Falls residents say the turkey vultures are back in town this spring in full force. Here is a 2017 article about how one resident, Johnelle Donnell, dealt with the problem a few years ago.
The first time I encountered them I was reading in the backyard. Huge black birds with disgustingly small red heads slowly converged in the sky over me, gutsy and grotesque, moving in a churning motion. Think Edgar Allan Poe.
You can see them in Texas circulating above dead carcasses in distant fields or on highways feasting on roadkill. With great effort they take flight, flapping their five-foot wide wings as they push off the ground with their feet.
That was my first of many encounters with turkey vultures. Two years ago they claimed a majestic tree on the edge of our property near an alley. I tried to scare them away by shouting and clapping my hands, but that only made me feel foolish as they gawked from overhead. A few days later I feverishly banged pots and pans together, which left me with splitting headaches and loss of hearing. Online they sold mylar balloons to hang in trees that would ward off buzzards. That was the least effective thing we tried.
According to the New York Times:
Though we should all be truly grateful for the free sanitation services offered by turkey vultures and their ilk, the birds possess one or two truly unappealing behaviors that transcend their simple bald heads. For one, the species has evolved a particularly distasteful, and I suspect extremely effective, defense mechanism. When disturbed, they projectile vomit, deliberately and accurately delivering an acidified stream of half-digested, rancid-smelling animal parts directed at their attacker.
If this were not enough, there is also “urohidrosis” to consider. Lacking sweat glands, these birds have a unique manner of dealing with the heat of the sun on their dark feathers. By excreting over their own legs, the birds allow evaporation to cool them down.
Truly nauseating! A neighbor said he had had a problem with them two years earlier and knew how to get rid of them, to just call him when I was ready. I made a mental note. I even saw turkey vultures on the cross atop the steeple at my church on Taft! They posed like gargoyles as traffic whizzed by.
By spring their numbers had grown to 100 in that tree, and their feces demolished my flower garden below. They had the audacity to come down to ground level inside our fence. We watched through a tinted plate glass window as they high-stepped through the grass, with their ungainly, hopping walk, like troops in battle, glaring at us. It was as if they had taken our yard and were laying plans to expand their territory. I felt compelled to contact our neighbor. He came over promptly and blew them out of that tree with something I felt sure was illegal, but I admit it was thrilling to win a battle against those repulsively gross rascals! Unfortunately, though, the story did not end there.
They slowly returned, attracted by dead trees in the lot adjoining our property. They were typically there at dawn and at dusk, occasionally taking a long weekend off for unexplained reasons. We asked advice of friends who were hunters. One offered to bring his shotgun and blow them out of the tree, but the vultures would likely have just cannibalized their wounded kinfolk! We did try several other methods that, I believe, were against the law, however.
When the dead trees near the alley were removed, it seemed to disorient the buzzards for a time, but they didn’t give up. Within days, their numbers were greater than ever.
A sympathetic game warden said turkey vultures were protected as semi-migratory birds but suggested we get a paintball gun and “aim for the branches” where they perched. Within hours we owned one. In the days ahead we went through several boxes of orange and green paintballs and bottles of CO2, and every time we launched our paintballs, the buzzards became fewer. I even shot at them in flight when they circled back around — a new sport for me! I learned I am a really lousy shot.
The last time we saw them was around Father’s Day weekend. Admittedly, I was a little let down since that paintball gun was a lot of fun. I contacted the neighbor to share our paintball success. He reported he hadn’t seen any buzzards either and that it was probably because the Mississippi kites had arrived and chased them off.
But I’m going to believe it was my paintballs.
Johnelle Donnell is a community member of the Times Record News Editorial Board.
This article originally appeared on Wichita Falls Times Record News: Wichita Falls homeowner has unique solution to dispel vultures
