Is your relationship ready for polyamory? 6 signs that point to yes
Three’s company, two.
Your relationship could be ready for the adventure of polyamory and you might not even know it, according to experts on the subject of non-monogamy.
The more-is-more concept has has become increasingly common among American couples, with a recent study showing that a majority of surveyed Gen-Z-aged participants are opting for open relationships.
A number of happy practitioners recently shared their experiences with HuffPost, suggesting that conventional duos who feel the spark has left their once-passionate romantic lives might consider stepping out — together — as next steps.
Here are six signs the pro-polyamory crowd suggest might signify that your relationship is ready for serious change.
One-on-one is the loneliest number
Non-monogamous writer Sarah Stroh told a reporter it “always felt like a sacrifice” to curtail her desires of exploration when in previous, one-on-one traditional relationships.
“To this day, I’m still not sure how much of the problem was limiting my connections with others and how much of it was that I couldn’t even talk about the fact that I had these desires without being accused of not loving my partner enough,” Stroh said.
“I think the latter was the hardest part.”
Your mind is a curious one
Polyamory educator Leanne Yau said that those with adventurous spirits and an appetite for new things may also want to give polyamory a fair shake.
“They like being energized by learning new things, whether about themselves or other people,” said Yau.
“So someone who is energized by novelty, learning and self-discovery and things like that would be a really good fit for non-monogamy.”
Stroh also vouched that “non-monogamy allows for a lot more flexibility in this area.”
“In past relationships, I’ve suggested trying out threesomes and going to sex parties out of the desire to explore something new,” she added. “It never happened back then, but I’ve always been an adventurous person, and non-monogamy satisfies this need for adventure in a big way.”
Other people give you ‘energy’
Polyamory might also inspire connections both of romance and friendship, Yau said.
“If you just have a lot of energy to foster deep connection and intimacy with multiple people in whatever capacity, you probably have a good predisposition towards being in a non-monogamous relationship,” she said. “Because it does take a lot of time and commitment to invest in a lot of people in that way.”
Though, Yau also advises that for those with tight social circles who invest in deeply getting to know only a few people, suddenly branching out into non-monogamy “may not be as good of a fit.”
The connection is strong with your partner
Taking a major step such as non-monogamy needs to happen in relationships that are on solid ground, according to Stroh.
“In a secure relationship, if both parties are curious about connecting intimately with others besides each other and want to give their partners the freedom to do the same, they should go for it,” she said.
Yau doubled down on the importance of emotional security, honesty, and boundaries as well.
“Once you open up the relationship, you can no longer rely on the fact that your relationship is exclusive to prove that you love each other,” she said.
“How do you redefine how you love each other when you have taken away the one thing that so many people base love upon: The fact that you had to forsake all others? What is your relationship without exclusivity? What is the love and commitment between you without exclusivity?”
There’s a distance in the bedroom
While you might love each other deeply, a sexual disconnect might still occur, leaving confusion and a lack of romantic satisfaction.
“This is particularly true for kinksters and people who like group sex,” Zachary Zane, a writer and sex expert for the dating app Archer told the outlet, adding that a difference in couple’s libidos are also common causes.
“When that’s the case, an open relationship might be ideal,” Zane added. “That way, the person with the high sex drive can get their needs met elsewhere, and the person with the low sex drive doesn’t feel pressured to have sex more frequently than they desire.”
You don’t think of it as a problem-solver
Going to polyamory as a last-ditch effort to save a relationship is almost always a bad idea, the experts concur.
“I want to warn against the idea that entering non-monogamy will solve your problems,” said Stroh. “In rare cases, it can, but it’s most likely to introduce more conflict before it solves anything.”
It’s also not something a partner can be bullied into, Yau explained.
“The most important thing is that you do want to be and you’re not just doing it because your partner wants to. So I think your personal motivation for non-monogamy has to be really important,” she added.
“And it can’t just be because you don’t want to lose your partner or you don’t want your relationship to end.”
