Remembering How to Solo Travel Again: Women Who Travel Podcast

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We're starting to travel again. And while family reunions, getaways with friends, and more celebratory trips are already on the docket, we're also looking forward to our first solo trips—ones that we can make all about us. That said, we're admittedly a little rusty when it comes to heading out on our own and finding joy and power in solo travel, so this week we're joined by New York Times travel reporter Tariro Mzezewa, and Hannah Pasternak, associate director of special projects at SELF magazine, who have both recently taken solo trips, to get advice. We discuss the differences between alone time and solo travel, why joining a planned group trip might be the best way to ease yourself back in, and how to start planning a solo trip of your own. Think of this episode as a solo travel refresher, of sorts. 

Thanks to Tariro and Hannah for joining us and thanks, as always, to Brett Fuchs for engineering and mixing this episode. As a reminder, you can listen to new episodes of Women Who Travel on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts, every Wednesday.

Read a full transcription below.

Meredith Carey: Hi everyone, and welcome to Women Who Travel, a podcast by Conde Nast Traveler. I'm Meredith Carey, and with me as always is my co-host, Lale Arikoglu.

Lale Arikoglu: Hello.

MC: There are so many reasons to want to go on a solo trip right now. Maybe you've been stuck at home with a partner or your kids for 18 months and just need some me time. Maybe you're ready to get back to travel but your friends aren't at your comfort level just yet, but no matter the reason, we are all out of practice. So to help get you back in the solo travel game we've invited two guests who have taken a solo trip recently to pass on some post-vaccine tips and tricks for your first adventure. Joining us are New York Times travel reporter Tariro Mzezewa, and Hannah Pasternak, associate director of special projects at SELF magazine. Thank you both so much for joining us.

Tariro Mzezewa: Thanks for having us on.

Hannah Pasternak: Yeah, thanks for having us.

LA: It goes without saying that a lot of us have spent quite a lot of time in solitude this past year, often involuntarily. How do you think solo travel differs from other types of alone time?

TM: I think solo travel offers you the chance to be somewhere really wonderful, whether that's being outdoors or going to a museum that you love in a totally foreign place. And I think that's a different way of interacting with a place than being at home alone, sitting in your studio apartment, which is what I did for most of the pandemic. And I think it differs from group travel because it just forces you to be alone with your thoughts and forces you to challenge yourself, to talk to new people and have different kinds of experiences that maybe you wouldn't have if you were traveling with your closest friends or even if you were, again, at home alone.

HP: Yeah, this question reminds me a lot of a dilemma I've been going back and forth about in my head for most of the pandemic, which is I'm spending so much time at home, I have all the time to quote unquote self-care; I can sleep on the weekends, I don't feel like I need to run around from one borough of the city to the other, but like, okay, so why am I so tired and why am I exhausted?

We can still do things that quote unquote are what they are, like being alone, like many of us have been for different points of the pandemic, but it still doesn't satisfy that need because it's not in our control. And I think there's a huge mental health aspect to this too, where it's like, “Okay, what am I doing, because I want to be doing it and because I'm self-electing to do it? And what am I doing because I'm being forced to do it?” So even if lounging around or having alone time during the pandemic has been really nice for some of us, granted it comes with its pitfalls as well, but even if it's been nice, I think it's still not going to hit that same craving that we have for when we are going out into the world and traveling by ourselves and doing this thing that often, at least for me, makes me feel like the most in control and the most rewarded of anything that there is to do in life.

MC: I think what you said Tariro, about it exposing you to new things and being a challenge is something that I find really interesting, because I feel like alone time for the most part for me is reading in my house, going to the park, going on a walk in my neighborhood—all things that I could pretty much do with my eyes closed. You can't read with your eyes, but you know what I mean. And solo travel is all new-ness, all the time, even if you are alone. So you're being exposed to new things, having to come across new challenges, it's working your brain in a way that alone time doesn't necessarily.

LA: And you're also, to a certain extent, even if you are on a solo trip, you're choosing how much time you actually spend alone. Even if it's just deciding to... I think this is an example that we cite probably too much on this podcast, but even if it's just sitting at the hotel bar or the bar of a restaurant with your book and a drink, but you get talking to the bartender, that is a social interaction that you're having right then and there, and that is such a contrast from being alone in your studio apartment, staring at a screen.

MC: When you guys think about solo trips that you took before, what were your favorite parts of solo travel? What were your favorite solo trips that you had taken in the past?

HP: My most memorable solo trip or my biggest quote unquote solo trip that felt like my Elizabeth Gilbert experience was I went to Milan by myself, so it was very luxurious eating and seeing beautiful art, and seeing beautiful buildings and just absorbing things that were aesthetically and deliciously pleasing to me. And when I went on a solo trip last weekend—I got back on Sunday so I got back less than five days ago—the best part of it was actually these small interactions I had with strangers, which is a part of solo travel that I enjoy but it's never been my favorite part or why I do it. Whereas this time it was just those small moments of humanity that felt really nice and comforting.

TM: For me, a solo trip that I loved was going to Hawaii alone in 2019, in the before times, and just the whole experience was so wonderful. But when you live in New York or you live in a city, or honestly wherever you live, if you're stuck in your own routine and your life is really regimented, there's this sense of constantly going. You have a really repetitive daily schedule. You wake up and you have to do this thing and this thing and this thing, and this thing's happening at this time, and you're seeing these people at that time. And I think traveling alone gave me the opportunity to just slow down and also be more in control and more flexible with what I was doing. I think when you're in a group, there's a bit more of an expectation that we're doing this thing because that friend really wants to do it today, and tomorrow we're doing that thing at two o'clock because those two people want to do that thing. Which is also great, everybody gets to feel included. But I loved just being able to slow down. It was like a forced slowing down. And then also having some time to say like, “Actually, I don't know if that's the thing I want to do today. I think I'll do this instead.”

LA: Tariro, you quite recently went back to Hawaii on a reporting trip, correct?

TM: I did.

LA: How did it feel returning to Hawaii in pandemic, slash, after times, given that it sounds like one of your last trips, if it was 2019, was also to Hawaii?

TM: It was just the stark contrast. I was there in 2019 on Oahu, and that was like a record year for tourism for them. It just was overtourism to the maximum. And then I went back in February for a story and it was a totally different place. And I think even now it's more different, because it's coming a bit more to life and it's a little easier to travel around once you're there. But when I was there in February, I just... I lost my breath. I got off the plane and I was just stunned. Everything in the airport was closed. It was hyper-clean. So many places all over the island had closed down, places that I had been to a few times that I really liked. Being in the hotel was also just different, it was a really odd experience. It felt so sterile.

And more than anything, my favorite part of writing about Hawaii is just writing about all these really interesting people and really cool traditions. And it was hard to not feel for everybody who actually lives there, who's a resident there—especially for native Hawaiians—because you could see the hit that they took from the pandemic. But also I understood why it was so hard for people to get there, why they intentionally made it hard for people to get there. An outbreak on any of those islands just would have been so devastating, so it was a really stark contrast to be there in 2019 and then to be there in 2021. Totally different.

MC: And Hannah, with the trip that you just planned, obviously again, the place that most of the U.S. was in February is not where it is now in June. What was the most daunting part of planning the trip? What went into you deciding to go on the solo trip you just got back from?

HP: So I was traveling alone. I ended up with a group of people. It was this trip, it's called Intermission. It's a brand new thing, this was the first one, where people from all over the country come together and you have this weekend of personal growth and inner transformation, and you work on healing. There is there's mind-body aspects of it. There's everything from HIIT workout classes to primal screaming, and amazing hugging workshops, it was this absolutely incredible experience. And so I went alone. Some people came with significant others, some people came with a friend. So it was like a combination of group trip but I was traveling alone, and I spent time alone before and after.

That is something that I'd actually recommend for easing back into solo travel. I'm the kind of person who loves going alone on a group trip. I've been on the Women Who Travel trips before, I went to Colombia. It was absolutely amazing, and anybody who is listening to this should 100 percent go and not even question it. When I studied abroad, when I was in college, I was the only one I knew who went on a program without a friend from college or without knowing anybody. I showed up, I was in Prague, and everybody had come with their little clique from school and I was like the only person from my entire college in the country. I don't know, I've always liked that challenge. I think it's really hard for me. It's harder for me than traveling alone and not intending on socializing with the group. So I feel like easing back into travel in general and then more specifically solo travel, it was really nice to know that I didn't really have to plan that much. I think that for me, it was the best way to do it. Especially someone who is an anxious traveler but also loves to travel, something I also love talking about, it felt like the best of both worlds.

LA: Well, then I imagine doing the trip like you did, by having an organization or a tour operator handling all the logistics, that it also means, in a time when borders can close or reopen in a blink, you can have the peace of mind that there are travel professionals who are going to take care of that if something changes.

HP: Exactly. And so it was nice, having not traveled for a while, just knowing the state of the world is utter chaos, it can change in a moment. So yeah, like in every logistical way, I felt like it was the best thing for me. And of course it was an extreme privilege. Or to be able to have a tour operator or a private guide or something like that, or even to sign up to have a group guide is an extreme privilege in any country or state or place that you visit. But if you are an anxious traveler or if you are worried about COVID logistics, I would imagine as it did for me, it took out a lot of that anxiety, for sure.

TM: I feel like one thing related to that is, for the first time ever, I'm finding myself feeling like I need the help of a travel agent. I never had the urge to look for that before, I've always felt very confident in my ability to just plan a trip. But because of the way things are, it's a great time I think to ask for that help. I feel like sometimes when people travel, they get nervous about seeking out help, and this is actually the perfect time to reach out for it. There's never been a better time to consult an expert.

LA: And there are experts who are very eager and ready to give that help and would love to take your travel dollars.

MC: Exactly. Something that feeds into the pros of a group trip is that you have an automatic group of friends, new people to meet, when you are taking your solo trip. And I think oftentimes, specifically the four of us on this call, when we go on a work trip—more often than not by ourselves—we have to be speaking with strangers to get the story. And so I feel like sometimes we're primarily set up for making friends with strangers on the road. What are y’all's best tips for meeting people so that you have people to talk to whether you're at the bar or you're on a group trip or whatever it is, what are your, I don't know, friend pick up lines? What is the way that you meet people on the road when you're by yourself?

HP: Give a compliment. I think that's the best talking to strangers advice I've ever received, and it doesn't always work. But do you know what? If the person doesn't engage with you, what's the worst thing that happened? You gave someone a compliment, you probably made them feel good about themselves. And then you can turn to the next person and give them a compliment and see if it works. So I feel like that's a good, easy, win-win, of low stakes, way to go about it.

TM: I feel like I've made a lot of travel buddies just sitting at a bar, sitting at a restaurant, and just being like, “Have you done this thing? Have you checked out this popular spot? What else have you done?” I feel like that just sparks a conversation, and that's been a successful pickup line for friends.

LA: Actually, it's funny, I was talking to a friend who is currently in Costa Rica. And she was like, “If there's one piece of common ground that everyone has right now, it's this pandemic. Everyone knows what you're talking about. So if you have nothing else in common, this weird, horrible thing that happened to all of us is that common thread right now.”

MC: And I feel like when you're already on a solo trip, you've already made that jump to put yourself out there and be comfortable on your own, and you're trying new things, so sticking your neck out and saying hi to the person next to you or asking... The thing I genuinely miss the most is being at a restaurant and asking the table next to me what they've ordered, which is usually how I pick what I want to eat. And so I think that you're already halfway there when you're on a solo trip, to saying hi to the person next to you. So I think that it can be anxiety inducing, but you just have to remember that you've already made it out the door, so you're miles ahead of everyone else.

LA: Hannah, given that you just recently were traveling with a group, when I've done group trips before, one thing that I have struggled with is that, especially if you were traveling solo but you are also part of this group, there are times when you do actually want to get that alone time. How do you find a polite way to make that exit or to prioritize yourself when you are also in a group dynamic?

HP: I love that because it's so real, and it's something that I had to navigate all weekend long. So it's very top of mind for me. If you're on a group of people you don't know, it's obviously much easier to politely excuse yourself. You need to make sure that there's individual time carved into your itinerary. That's the first step, that there has to be some sort of chunk of free time. So at Intermission, this retreat that I was on, they pretty much had almost every afternoon free. The mornings were super packed, the afternoons were free. So people would go to the pool in groups, people would go back to their cabins and nap with people they were staying with, whatever. And I feel like that's the easiest time if you are someone who feels socially awkward or aren't sure quite how to go about taking that time for yourself, during the free time is the easiest time to just slip away. You don't owe anyone anything, you don't need to tell anybody where you're going, especially if you're out with people that you knew prior to the trip. It's totally okay for you to just slither away and do your own thing for an hour or two, or three or four even.

The other thing I'll say is you can just be honest with people, because I'm sure they probably feel the same way. We all have just spent the last year and a half in such bubbles that I'm sure for many of us, too much social interaction is overwhelming right now, even if you're an extroverted person. And I think you'll be so pleasantly surprised that that will give you something else to bond over with people who are strangers or people who you don't know as well.

TM: I think we're learning so much about those kinds of boundaries in our friendships. I know personally I've been feeling a little re-entry fatigue, if we want to call it that. Where suddenly it's like I've gone from having no one to see to trying to see everyone, and then I'm feeling very overwhelmed by it. And it reminds me of being on trips with people. And I think one of the things I used to struggle with when I would first travel was figuring out how to get out of things, and I would want to be sneaky about it. And the older I get, the more comfortable I am just saying, “I'm going to head out, I'm going to go home, but you stay and you have a good time, and I'll see you tomorrow.”

And also just baking in my alone time. I love mornings, I'm a super early bird and they're precious to me, those early mornings. So when I go on a trip I just know that my mornings are mine. And if somebody wants to join me, maybe they can come, but I'm probably going to be gone when they wake up at 6:30 a.m. So that's when I try to just make sure... Like thinking ahead of time, when am I going to get my alone time in? And pushing myself to say, “I'm actually going to head out,” because that's taking care of myself.

MC: And I think when you think about solo trips, even true solo trips, when you're not going with a larger group or meeting up with anyone, you need to factor that in as well. That you can't spend your whole day and your whole night out and about, you will be as exhausted as if you were with people because you're packing your schedule. So remembering that it's perfectly okay to have downtime when you're by yourself and you don't have to go 150 percent into going back on a trip now that you can, will help you survive. Because I feel like my instinct for my first solo trip is going to be like, “How many places can I go? What can I see? Where can I eat? How much can I fit into this long weekend or whatever?” And I didn't even enjoy traveling like that before, so I don't know. I don't know why it's like my instinct, but I have to keep reminding myself that that time, downtime, and making sure I'm not exhausted when I come back from vacation is still being protected. It's like arguing with myself about my own boundaries, too.

TM: I feel like it's like regret anxiety, like we're scared that if we don't do every single thing, the next pandemic, whatever it is, like the next thing, we'll be locked back up in our apartments, wishing we'd done the thing. And it's like, no, it's going to be okay. We're good. We're okay.

MC: Also I never want to hear the words next pandemic.

LA: I feel quite nauseous at those words. And I think one thing that I'm quite guilty of when I am traveling alone is not giving myself the permission to have breaks and to relax, and I think part of it is that I rely on the cues of others to remind me to do that. So it's someone else saying, “We've been walking for hours, I'm tired. Let's take a break.” Or, “Maybe we just don't leave the hotel today.” And I think there's something about when I'm on my own, I place a self-imposed pressure to try and do everything, and I sort of forget to just take the time out to relax. Meredith, we've definitely mentioned it on the podcast before, but I've always really admired when you were in London and you took a whole day in your hotel room to just do nothing but watch Bake Off.

MC: Oh my gosh, I watched Great British Bake Off from the hotel bed. I took two baths and watched Bake Off from the bath because the TV's leveled, I had the best time. And then I went out to dinner and then I came back to my hotel. It was truly the best actual vacation day. And I still think about, “I should factor one of those into every trip,” because it felt so deluxe. It really felt like you are treating yourself to this amazing day where there's no pressure to do anything but the exact thing that you want, which is to watch people bake mostly good things.

TM: I love this, I do this. Every trip you will find me, there is one day you are going to see me beside the pool for six hours. And I have no shame about it. I just am like, “I deserve this.” So I really urge everyone to take that energy with them on their vacations.

HP: That’s something that's hard for me, it's inspiring to hear both of you guys talk about this. Because I think the reason why I have a hard time doing that is because that's when the realization that I'm alone starts to kick in. So it's not even about how much of this city can I cram into the day? Although on one level it is. On the other level, it's just like, I don't want to stop, and be like, “Oh my God, I'm alone and I know nobody.” And in some cases, I don't even know the language. And then it just becomes an anxiety spiral. So I think that it's an important thing for me to work on, and it's like a really good reminder to hear you guys say that. And the irony of it all, of course, is that it's such a catch 22. If I gave myself that kind of permission during solo trips— especially during such a time where anxiety everywhere is heightened, and we also have this whole new thing to be nervous about, which is getting sick obviously—you need those days off more than ever before in some ways. And if I were to force myself to take them, or even if it just meant taking an afternoon like I did on this trip over the weekend, and I came back being like, “Wow, I loved the pacing of the... I loved the itinerary, I loved the pacing. That's something I'd love to adapt for the future.” Maybe for me, it's just baby steps, and means on my next solo trip, I cut... Take an afternoon and I don't leave my hotel room, and that's fine. And I just learn to sit with myself and what that's like.

MC: I feel like the baby step though is doing what Tariro is doing and going to the pool, where you're around other people. There are other human beings around. You're alone but you could talk to somebody if you wanted to. And then the next step is hotel room for half a day. Because I feel like... I'm not going to tell you that I didn't spiral when I was in that hotel room, I just think in the end, it was better for me to do that. And I think that it plays into going to a restaurant and sitting at the bar by yourself, going to the movies by yourself. Being around people—you don't have to talk to any of them if you don't want to, you're not on a group trip, you're not required to say hi to anyone—but you're surrounded by people and then you can decide whether or not you want to be alone. But again, it goes back to what we were talking about at the beginning, that alone time and solo travel aren't necessarily complementary or identical ways to experience solitude.

LA: And I think that it's very easy right now to think, ”Well, I just spent a year sitting watching Netflix on my couch on my own. So why would I do that in a hotel?” But you were doing it in your home that you couldn't leave, you weren't doing it in a luxurious hotel room that hopefully has a big bath tub where you can order room service.

MC: Or a bed that you will never have to make.

LA: Right. Thinking about figuring out what works for you and what doesn't, and also making boundaries for yourself. And with other travel buddies that you end up hitting the road with. That's a learning process for sure. And you have to take quite a few trips I think, to start to realize what your own personal travel with them is. What advice do you have for listeners who are considering a solo trip right now but maybe aren't quite sure where or how to start?

TM: It's helpful to always remember that you don't have to take a big trip. I think there's this feeling that if you can right now, you should go big, because why wouldn't you, you were just at home for a year. But it doesn't have to be that way, go at the pace that you feel comfortable, but also maybe you can be a little challenged. I don't think you need to go on a 14-hour flight and plan a trip to another country just to do it. You don't need to go big. You can go on a road trip nearby and start that way. I don't think there's any shame in doing that, and I think that actually sounds really lovely and like a good re-entry. And it also means you're probably dealing with less restrictions and less new, intense things to navigate. I think that would probably be my main advice.

HP: Yeah, I totally second that, and I think there's also just such a benefit to exploring close by, whether it means getting in the car. Or this past weekend I was in Texas Hill Country which was so cool and probably never would have been on my list before, just because I didn't know much about it. I don't think I even know anyone who's really spent time there. But I'm just constantly reminded, especially in the U.S., how much traveling I need to do here that I haven't done, and how much I can do here that I haven't done. And I think that there's merit to that whether you live in the States or not, there is something to be said about familiarizing yourself with the land or the country that you were born and raised in, and that you call your home. It sounds corny, I feel like I'm reciting the national anthem. I'm like, “The land you call your home.” But it's true.

In February, I went to Big Sur for the first time, which was one of the best trips I've ever taken and I can't believe it took me so long to get there. But had it not been COVID, I probably would have used that opportunity to go to Mexico City, or make a “bigger trip” out of it. But like what really constitutes a bigger trip? It's what you get out of it, that's way more important. And so if you're going to get more out of staying local, whether that means a short flight or a car ride, I think do that. It's what you were just saying, Meredith, what's the point of having it be this big thing? You shouldn't do it just to do it, you should do it because you're going to get something out of it. So that also starts with: What are you looking for? That's probably the first question you should ask yourself. And I think that will help inform where you should go.

MC: I want to make one go-big pitch, which is that my first solo trip was also to Italy, and I think it is oddly very well primed for solo travel. Train system, super-friendly people, great food, bar culture where it's not bizarre for you to sit alone in a bar. And obviously there are complications to planning that trip now, but if you want to plan something for later in the year or for next year, and you really do want to go big, I would make a large pitch for watching every episode of Stanley Tucci's TV show, and then going and planning a trip to Italy. I don't speak Italian, I was very nervous, and I had the absolute best time, and would recommend it to anyone.

Well, Tariro and Hannah, if people want to follow you on your future travels, where can they find you on the internet?

TM: I am on Instagram at @tariro__ and two underscores or something ridiculous like that.

HP: You can find me, my bylines are at SELF Magazine, self.com, where I work now, and you can find me on Instagram @pastersnacks, which is a play on my last name, Pasternak.

MC: Amazing. I'm at @ohheytheremere.

LA: I'm at @lalehannah.

MC: Tariro and Hannah's Instagram's and social media in all forms will be linked in the show notes, so be sure to check them out. Please follow Women Who Travel on Instagram, just @WomenWhoTravel and sign up for our bi-weekly newsletter, which will also be linked in the show notes. Lots of links to check out, and we will talk to you all next week.

Originally Appeared on Condé Nast Traveler