RIP CNN+. Might I suggest CNN-, HuluMeh and HBOmin – streaming services that provide less

OMG, RIP CNN+. We hardly knew ye.

Seriously, we literally hardly knew ye, because ye came and went so fast. If you took the time to say “CNN-plus” out loud, you might’ve missed the entire life of the news network’s much-ballyhooed, multimillion-dollar streaming service. On Thursday, the company announced CNN+ will shut down April 30, sending shockwaves through the online-o-sphere.

CNN Worldwide Chairman and CEO Chris Licht said in a statement: “We appreciate all of the work, ambition and creativity that went into building CNN+, an organization with terrific talent and compelling programming. But our customers and CNN will be best served with a simpler streaming choice.”

That’s a nice way of saying: “Oopsie! Maybe try adding ‘terrific talent’ to your LinkedIn page while you search for a new job.”

Trump Steaks lasted longer than CNN+

I’m no financial expert, but I’m pretty sure a solid measure of failure is “Trump Steaks was in business longer than you.”

CNN had brought in well-known names for its new platform, including Fox News’ Chris Wallace and Kasie Hunt from NBC. There were big plans, big billboards, slick promotional ads and considerable buzz about another streaming product with a plus sign in its name, joining Disney+, Paramount+, ESPN+, AMC+ and, I assume, the Home Shopping Network+, which allows viewers to buy unnecessary things while celebrities are on-screen laughing at them. (I might have made that last one up.)

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Given all the other plus-platforms out there, CNN certainly couldn’t resist. But is the swift failure of CNN+, combined with recent news of Netflix hemorrhaging subscribers, a sign of a pendulum swing away from the pandemic-induced surge of streaming platform use? I’m going to say the answer is yes, because it will make this column seem smarter. You can learn more about that decision on my soon-to-be-launched Rex+ streaming platform, which will ... Oops, never mind, that platform has been discontinued. Sorry.

Americans are suckers

The truth is, Americans are inundated with “plus” streaming products probably because we’re suckers easily sold on offers of extra stuff for just a few dollars more. Back when we saw movies in theaters, any time a concession-stand clerk asked “Would you like to upgrade your 32 oz. large soda to a HULK-SIZED 64 oz. CALORIE-TSUNAMI soda for an additional 50 cents?” we always responded with an enthusiastic, “OH GOD, YES!”

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We’re also terrible at math, which explains why during the pandemic, many of us took the fiscally responsible step of replacing a traditional $100 monthly cable package with a wide variety of streaming services that cost a much lower $437 per month.

If we assume the tide is changing and viewers are suffering subscription fatigue, I have an idea that is, at least at the moment, clearly better than CNN’s idea to create CNN+: Offer “minus” services that cost less.

CNN+ was an ill-conceived flop. CNN- could be a huge success.

Welcome to CNN-

A subscription to CNN+ was $5.99 a month. With CNN-, you would get less than what’s available on the CNN network, but the network would pay you $1.99 a month to watch.

Instead of Wolf Blitzer’s “The Situation Room,” subscribers would get Wolf Blitzer’s “Living Room,” which is just a web-cam live-streaming from the host’s home. Rather than seeing all of Anderson Cooper’s “AC360,” CNN- subscribers would watch “AC45.” The CNN- version of Brian Stelter’s “Reliable Sources” would be Brian Stelter’s “Your Uncle’s Facebook Page.”

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I, for one, would gladly accept money to watch those shows.

To save face from the CNN+ debacle, CNN executives could pave the way for a new stampede of lower-tier streaming options. And if the plus-labeled streaming service fad is any indication, other companies will follow.

HuluMeh, SubPrime and more

I brainstormed other potential platform names with my colleagues on the USA TODAY opinion team: HuluMeh, SubPrime, MSNBSEEYA, HBOmin, NetflixButWorse and, of course, USA YESTERDAY.

It’s clear the possibilities are endless. And to outperform CNN+, all these new platforms would have to do is last more than a month, while still aspiring to survive longer than Trump Steaks.

Imagine the slogans: “CNN- … the most trusted name you’ll get at these prices”; “Paramount- … a mountain of midrange offerings”; and “NetflixButWorse … please stop leaving.”

Thanks for the memories, CNN+. Please tell Blitzer he threw his jacket over the web cam and we can’t see a thing.

Follow USA TODAY columnist Rex Huppke on Twitter @RexHuppke and Facebook: facebook.com/RexIsAJerk

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This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: CNN+ questions future of streaming, Chris Wallace, Scott Galloway