Satellite radio has a better way of settling differences than U.S. House Republicans
The delightfully obnoxious sports commentator Chris “Mad Dog” Russo felt strongly the Arizona Diamondbacks would not be in the World Series, so strongly in fact that he promised on air he would retire “on the spot” from his satellite radio gig if they beat the Philadelphia Phillies for the National League pennant.
“Write it down,” he said. “I’ll stand by my promise,” he said.
About that. After the Phillies collapse, retirement didn’t seem like such a good idea after all. Enter Howard Stern, who negotiated a settlement: Mad Dog could keep his job if he’d agree to walk down a street in Manhattan in a bikini wearing a sign that said “I am a liar and a dope.”
“That’s fair,” Russo said.
That satellite radio has a superior and more just way of settling its differences than U.S. House Republicans may not come as a surprise, but it should give Americans pause.
The new House speaker — there’s no point learning his name until he can prove he can hold the job for six weeks — was elected based on having one major attribute: No one had heard of him.
After knowing for sure that McCarthy, Scalise, Jordan, Emmer, etc. etc. were incapable of running the asylum, the House went with someone whose abilities are a complete unknown. It’s in everyone’s best interest to root for him, despite the bizarre reality that among House Republicans, plotting to overthrow the results of an American presidential election counts as an asset.
So the new speaker’s job is to see if he can hit a sweet spot that could unite Republicans, to wit, he needs to be crazy, but not too crazy.
This is certainly an interesting country. Three lawyers who schemed with Donald Trump to overthrow the government pleaded guilty to felonies at the same time that a fourth was becoming Speaker of the House. Jenna Ellis must be wondering where she went wrong.
Yet her 100 hours of community service might seem the lesser punishment in comparison to trying to unite the House.
Traditionally, speakers have to manage two political parties. It is becoming evident that the new speaker will need to manage three — and this may presage what’s happening in America as a whole.
Should Trump retake the presidency next November, perhaps a bunch of soggy House rats will climb back onto the ship and the GOP will lurch along for another decade more or less in its current angry and paranoid form.
But two other options seem more likely. As the legal walls close around him, it still seems more than possible that come late winter or early spring he will end his presidential bid in exchange for escaping jail time.
His act is all bravado now — his courtroom behavior indicates he is almost begging to be handcuffed and hauled off to the precinct station for an afternoon, which would, for him, be a sweet photo/fundraising opportunity.
But unless he’s different from every other human being, he’s scared, and will become more so as more former conspirators turn against him. Fear is a powerful motivator — just ask House Republicans who, by the end of last weekend, would have elected a spider plant as speaker, so much were they hearing the anger from the folks back home.
But if Trump makes it through to the election and loses, will he accept responsibility? Fat chance. Unfortunately for him, no one will be willing to fuel any rigged-election conspiracy theories, unless they are particularly eager for a criminal record.
So the villain will become the Republican Party itself, for — oh, you name it — not raising enough money, secretly working with the Democrats, drinking the blood of kittens, etc. In this case, the enemy ceases to be Republicans in name only and becomes simply Republicans. The logical conclusion is for the MAGA movement to break off on its own.
The most interesting part of the recent House Republican debacle is that, on a secret ballot, a majority of the GOP rejected Trumpism and Trumpist candidates. In private, they want to be rid of the perpetual headache and circus act that is Donald Trump as much as their brethren across the aisle.
And they are getting bolder about it. Pundits say they caved to the far right, but at least they made it known that Trumpism is not a unified front.
Another telling event was when, briefly, the far right “Crazy 8” who touched off the GOP own-goal appeared to realize that they’d overplayed their hand, and offered to resign the conference in exchange for elevating their boy, Jim Jordan, to the speakership.
Just like the Mad Dog, they couldn’t have been trusted to follow through. But the thought of Matt Gaetz walking down Broadway in a bikini with a sign “I am a liar and a dope” is not entirely unappealing.
Tim Rowland is a Herald-Mail columnist.
This article originally appeared on The Herald-Mail: Will MAGA split from GOP to become its own party?
