'My Scars Remind Me That Life Is Short And I Was Lucky To Come Out Of This Alive'

From Women's Health

Definitions of the word "scar" say it’s synonymous with "blemish" and "flaw"-we call BS.

At WH, we think the body’s ability to rebuild itself, and the marks left behind, are both badass and beautiful. No matter where they fall, or where they came from, scars are a testament to power and survival-something to wear with pride.

We’ll let these warriors show you. Every scar tells a story. Here, five women share theirs.

Lawley, a model and body-positivity advocate, is still processing her scars; she just got them in June.

She has lupus, and a symptom of the autoimmune disease is seizures. She’d had only one before, in her sleep. But this time, she seized while walking down the stairs. She hit her head, split her lip, and knocked out a tooth.

Lawley came to with her husband, her daughter, and the paramedics beside her. She didn’t realize the damage until she was later shown a photo of her stitched face.

'My scars are... perspective'

"I took time off social media to heal in private, but once I was ready, I made a point to post about the incident. I didn’t want to lie about it or hide it. I’m not ashamed; it’s not something I can control, and I didn’t want other people with lupus or another condition like this to feel alone.

"Looking at my scars now, it reminds me that life is so short, and I was lucky to come out of this experience alive. When I think back on all the 'imperfections' I let myself get fanatical about when I was a teen, like stretch marks, it’s ridiculous.

"We need to show our real skin so girls can see what that looks like. Scars are part of being human. I have some. It just adds to the tapestry of my life."

Most of the women on More’s father’s side died from breast and/or ovarian cancer, but she didn’t realize how serious her risk was until her dad tested positive for the BRCA1 gene mutation.

She soon discovered she had it too. At 23, her doc told her she had an 87 percent chance of developing cancer. She couldn’t stand the thought of waiting for cancer to show up, so she chose to have a preventive double mastectomy and reconstructive surgery (she plans to have an oophorectomy around 35) and shared about it on social media. More is the cofounder of The Breasties, a breast and ovarian cancer nonprofit.

'My scars are...sexy'

"For a while after the surgery, I didn’t recognize my own body; it felt foreign. It took a lot of self-love and work to redefine who I was and learn to accept my body as it is now. But the scars never bothered me-in fact, I love them.

"The first time I looked down and saw my scars after surgery, I thought they were so beautiful that I cried. I felt proud and sexy because they symbolized the fact that I took charge of a bad situation and did everything I could to ensure that I would live a long, healthy life. I want to show them off; I like when they poke out of my swimsuit. They prove I’m a warrior. I feel that I saved my own life-I can’t think of anything sexier than that."

The first time Expósito went on a solo training run, as a sophomore on her high school track team, she was hit by a construction truck, pinned under its tires, and dragged several feet.

Miraculously, she didn’t break any bones, but most of her right calf was destroyed. To save her leg, she had three surgeries in 10 days. When she left the hospital after three weeks, Expósito was hyper-focused on getting back to being an athlete. She threw herself into physical therapy and fought daily to be able to walk and run again. Today, she's an exercise physiology expert and certified personal trainer.

'My scar is...resilience'

"I wore a wrap to cover my leg for a long time, initially to protect it from infection. But eventually, it became a crutch. I realized the wrap just drew more attention, so I stopped wearing it, and that was a big moment.

"Sometimes people stared, or I’d hear comments like 'She’d be pretty if she didn’t have that scar,' and I hated being reduced to just my appearance. But in a way, that was a gift; it only made me want to speak my truth louder so people would know there’s so much more tome than how I look.

"When people stopped noticing it as much, I realized it was because I wasn’t carrying it like it was something to hide. At one point I had the option to get plastic surgery and make it less visible, but I didn’t do it. Every time I look at it, I think of resilience-it’s never going to fade, and I don’t want it to.”

The night before the first race of her final collegiate season as a runner, Grunewald was diagnosed with a rare cancer of the salivary glands. That led to her first scar, under her left ear. Eighteen months later, doctors discovered she had thyroid cancer, leading to another surgery and a new scar across her neck.

After treatments for both, Grunewald was cancer-free for about six years, competing professionally as a Brooks athlete. In 2016, at the height of her career, doctors found tumors in her abdomen. After a liver-sectioning surgery, Grunewald recovered and made a comeback on the track in 2017, then built her organization Brave Like Gabe, a rare-cancer nonprofit, last year.

'My scars are...empowering'

"I felt a little self-conscious of my torso scar at first. I run in a tiny uniform, and the topography of my body is different now. When I flex my core, it’s not the same. I can feel the muscles trying to figure out what they’re supposed to be doing. But I never thought about hiding my torso scar. I try to be empowered by it.

"I’ve questioned why these issues happened to me, and it’s frustrating that they’ve affected my running career, but when I see my scars, I’m amazed at how adaptable and incredible the human body is. When I line up at the start line, my scars differentiate me from my competitors in a good way. I’ve had to deal with confronting my own mortality-I feel I can rise to the challenge; I can do it."

Love got her scar when she was 9 years old. After a family barbecue, she stepped into what she thought was a clear street and was hit by a car.

She broke her left femur, and the accident scraped the skin from most of her body. Among other things, she needed surgery to place a plate near her hip. Love waited five days for the operation that resulted in her scar-a small plate had to be made for her in China and shipped to the hospital. Doctors weren’t sure if she’d pull through or play sports again. She did both. Now, she's the founder of Love Squad, a Peloton instructor, an MC for the Brooklyn Nets, and a model.

'My scar is...a privilege'

"I didn’t know if I was going to survive that week in the hospital. My mom told me that it was my decision to live, to fight, or not, and I remember praying to God for help.

"When I look at my scar now, I think of that young girl. I believe all traumatic events shape people’s lives, but in my case, I have a physical symbol that reminds me to take nothing for granted.

"The scar is part of my story. In anything that I do, I try to live each day to the fullest, and with-out regret, because I know what a last day could feel like. My scar brings that mentality to the front of my mind, always. Honestly, it’s so boss; it’s a privilege to have this scar."

This article originally appears in the January/February 2018 issue of Women's Health. For more inspiring content like this, pick up an issue on newsstands now.

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