A second family: Hospice volunteer dedicated to providing companionship to patients

Apr. 25—Reneah Tongate, a volunteer with Hospice and Palliative Care of Western Kentucky, said her favorite part about volunteering is the relationships she develops with those who are in need of comfort.

Tongate has volunteered with hospice since 2018, helping to provide "comfort care" to patients who are near the end of life.

Tongate said she first was introduced to hospice when her mother received home care. That, she said, is what got her thinking about volunteering.

At the time, however, she was volunteering at a local school where her daughter was a teacher.

Some time later, however, when she was no longer at the school, she said she was looking for something else to devote some of her time to when a friend went into hospice care at the Heartford House on New Hartford Road.

When visiting her, Tongate said she was walking past volunteer applications and felt called to take one home and fill it out.

"The more I thought about it, the more I just thought ... 'that is exactly what I want to do,' " she said.

Tongate went through training with 30 other volunteers and began volunteering on weekends, where the organization was most in need of services.

Eventually, she began sitting with patients, offering respite services for family and caregivers.

The first patient Tongate got to sit with, she said, solidified the idea that this was what she was meant to do.

The woman she sat with had not been out of the house for some time, as it was difficult for her or her husband to leave, and all she wanted to do was go get her hair done. Tongate took her to do that.

"They both had been caregivers for others in their family but had never asked for help for themselves, and I found that with every patient I've sat with," she said.

Most patients she sits with, she said, simply want someone to talk to, and Tongate is happy to provide that, as her friendships with patients means just as much to her as it does to them.

"It blesses me — it does, every time," she said. "Every patient that I have sat with, usually, they just want to talk. They want somebody to listen to them, and that's what we do. We go into the homes and listen to their life."

Many patients, she said, have close family, but they might not live close by, so the patients tend to get lonely. They simply need camaraderie.

"We become almost like their other family," she said. "It becomes a bond."

One of the hardest parts of the job, she said, are bereavement calls to family members after a patient has passed away.

"That's the hardest thing I have to do, because sometimes you'll call a son who has lost a father, and I just really have to regain my composure after that," she said. "It takes a special person that can do that and handle that."

While the role is a difficult one at times, especially when patients pass away, Tongate said there is nothing about what she does that feels challenging. She simply loves what she does, and when things become hard to cope with, she said she tries to remember to treat herself on occasion, typically with some chocolate.

Despite difficult times, however, Tongate said the time she gets with patients and to help provide them some level of comfort and friendship at the end of their life makes it all worth it every day.

"They want somebody to share their memories with," she said.

Christie Netherton, cnetherton@messenger-inquirer.com, 270-691-7360