Seeking your own Golden Bachelor? This Bucks County matchmaker could find you love
As an old-school matchmaker, Jill Epstein has been finding sweethearts for Bucks County singles since 1986, when she launched "Sweet Beginnings." Back then, her clientele spanned the ages, from 20-somethings to mature people in retirement.
"As online dating apps became popular with younger people, my clientele shifted to where I am today, clients in their 50s and 60s," said Epstein, who is 67 and grew up in Levittown. "These are people who aren't thrilled with online dating, or don't like it, or haven't had any success. So, they come to me."
And while she specializes in the older single, she has alliances with other matchmakers who take people in their 20s, 30s and 40s.
For $300 she promises five "introductions." Which means after an interview, she matches you with someone with similar interests or temperament. A "meeting" is arranged (she prefers "meeting" over "date") and the couple meet for a quiet, simple chat over coffee or a cocktail. It's all about chemistry after that.
"Holidays really are a tough time for single people, but for me, it's my busiest time of year," she said. "No one wants to be alone as everyone else is having a good time."
We asked Epstein eight questions about meeting through a matchmaker, rather than an impersonal algorithm on a dating app.
Matchmaking is so old school. What's the advantage?
In Europe it was very common. But a lot of cultures have arranged marriages and still do. It’s not unusual. And there are still matchmakers out there. Not as many as before, but they’re still here. As for advantages to matchmaking, you get to know each person as an individual. You know exactly what they want in a person. I have a lot of repeat clients and I know them like family.
What qualities does a successful matchmaker have?
Patience. My educational background is in counseling, and it really helps to understand people. You must adapt to each person individually. There’s no one size fits all. You have to be compassionate, too, because a lot of my clients, who are older, have been through a lot of stuff. Divorce, sudden death of a spouse, bad relationships. Each one has a story to tell so you have to put yourself in their shoes. You also have to help them build confidence.
What dating misconceptions do older singles have?
People are sometimes misguided in their 50s and 60s. Say someone is 65, and they haven’t dated in years. They have this idea that they’re still 25 and things still work the way they did back then. They think it’s going to be like it was back then. But things are a lot different now. I have to get them into reality about how the dating world has changed.
How has dating changed since you started in 1986?
We didn’t have online dating and dating apps. It’s so common now. When my older clients were young, their opportunities were abundant. They’d meet someone through friends, social gatherings, they’d meet people at college, bars, clubs. It was much more personal. I believe it was much easier to meet someone under those circumstances than it is today. The apps are impersonal. And you never know if people are who they say they are.
Dating apps show single women are only interested in the top 20 percent of men -- the “high value man” -- and not the average joe, even if the woman is average herself. True?
True. Absolutely. I have to deal with this with some of my clients. I have women in their late 60s and even if they look great for their age, they say, “I want a younger guy.” They have inflated ideas because they feel young and want a much younger person. I have client who’s 67 and she won’t date a man who’s 70. I say there’s only a couple years between you and she says, “Oh, he’s too old.” I tell them it simply doesn’t work that way. They have to be more grounded in their expectations. Men are different. They’re fine with 50-somethings, or women around their own age.
Who is your typical client?
People in their 50s and beyond. Most of them are divorced. A few are widows. And they don’t know where to go to meet people. Once people get over 65, I find I have more women than men, so I’m always looking for older men as clients. Early seventies is my cutoff for women, since there are hardly any men available that age. When people come to me for help, they really want to meet someone. And they have more serious intentions.
Where does a mature person go to meet people these days?
“Meetup groups. There are a million of them out there. Hiking, pickle ball. But not everyone goes to these looking for someone. Sometimes they just like the activity. Sometimes even though it’s geared to singles, married people show up. You have to be careful.”
How does matchmaking work?
“Everything I do is done the old-fashioned way. I don’t use computers or video dating. The person comes in and I interview them for an hour, hour and a half. I talk to them like a friend. What kind of work do you do? Your education? Hobbies, interests, personality, religion. Then we get to the heart of the matter: What kind of person are you looking for? As they talk, I usually have someone in mind. So within a day or two I call them and propose a meeting, and I talk to them like a friend introducing them to a mutual friend. If they like what they hear, I talk to the other party. If they both agree to meet, the man gets the woman’s number or she gets his number. Generally, the males call the females. A lot of women are old school and like the man to make the call.
You’re a dating coach, too. What’s the No. 1 tip you give your clients?
Keep the first meeting short and simple. Coffee, cocktail, appetizer. The man should make the plans. The biggest complaint women have is a man who only talks about himself, and never asks the woman about her interests. Now, you don’t want to interrogate a woman, but you want to ask about her interests. There should be back and forth. No deep discourse. No talk about the bad divorce or ex-girlfriend or bad past relationships. No gloom and doom. Upbeat and happy. The woman should be just as engaged and just as upbeat. When a match fails, it almost always is lack of chemistry. There’s no attraction with gloom and doom. That date will be cut very short.
Hopefully, you’ll find your sweetheart..
JD Mullane can be reached at 215-949-5745 or at jmullane@couriertimes.com.
This article originally appeared on Bucks County Courier Times: Bucks County matchmaker gives dating advice at holidays
