Services help ease the pain for those who find holiday joy elusive
Dec. 18—While everyone is bustling about to make Christmas the merriest time of the year, many barely trudge through the holidays, feeling out of step or nursing a heartache.
While everyone is bustling about to make Christmas the merriest time of the year, many barely trudge through the holidays, feeling out of step or nursing a heartache.
The down-at-heart can find solace amid like-minded souls at Central Union Church and The Cathedral of St. Andrew this year, no matter what religion they follow or don't follow. Both services in Honolulu will be held Wednesday, and are focused on acknowledging feelings of grief or loneliness in a contemplative, subdued setting. A third service takes place at Emmanuel Episcopal Church in Kailua.
Nationwide, such services are dubbed "Blue Christmas " or "Longest Night of the Year " events, a tradition dating back to the 1990s.
Pastor Mary Herbig said Central Union chooses to call its annual service, the "Longest Night of the Year, " because it's usually held on Dec. 21, the first day of winter, when there are the fewest daylight hours in the Northern Hemisphere. At the same time, the winter solstice is the turning point of the year when days begin to get longer—symbolic of light at the end of a dark tunnel.
Heather Barfield, an associate pastor of the United Church of Christ Judd Street said the occasion is especially fitting after two years of a pandemic for "individuals who find it hard to live in the joy that is often personified at this time of year leading to Christmas. They feel a deep sense of grief for whatever reason, it may be the loss of a loved one, a pet, a friend, maybe it's the loss of a job. It can be just feeling the blues." (The United Church of Christ Judd Street is coordinating the service with its sister church, Central Union.)
Barfield said it's important to acknowledge these feelings and "to offer a sense of hope in the Christ child ... that in darkness there can be light."
The service features reflective music, not the upbeat Christmas hymns like "Joy to the World, " to enable people to contemplate their emotions ; along with scriptures, prayers, readings and brief words of hope, she said.
People will be invited to light candles around the Advent wreath, and adorn a few of the Christmas trees with ornaments of different colors symbolizing grief, courage, memories and love that they select to represent their feelings.
Herbig said attendees may bring their own ornaments to hang, which may represent their current emotions or be a favorite memento of someone deceased ; they can leave them on the trees, but more often they take them back home.
"It's really beautiful, " she said. "Pastors will be stationed around the sanctuary for people to share a story with, or pray with or have someone there to hold their hand."
Central Union started these gatherings in 2016, attended by about 70 people before the pandemic prompted drive-thru or limited-capacity events the last two years. Attendees included a mix of churchgoers of different faiths and non-worshippers. In one particularly rough year, the church partnered with the Institute of Human Services to honor the homeless who had died on the street.
The Cathedral of St. Andrew offers the same kind of experience.
"The whole culture around us is all about green and red and the most wonderful time of the year, but for some folks it's a really hard time of grieving or they're struggling in some way. ... (They ) can feel very isolated, very alone, " said the Rev. Canon Heather Patton-Graham, who will lead the service.
The core of its "Longest Night-Blue Christmas " event will be framed around the lighting of candles, sharing prayers and familiar hymns, though not of the joyful variety, to which people can sing along or listen.
Four large candles will be lit around a wreath to mark the season of Advent, four weeks of spiritual reflection in expectation of Jesus Christ's arrival, when "the light breaks through darkness, " she said. Prayers will be interspersed between each lighting of a candle, marking the death of a loved one, the loss of a job or some kind of important transition in life.
People will then be invited to light a candle in remembrance of someone, to indicate that they are struggling in some way, or to mark the passage of a difficult time, she said. Clergy will be available after the service to talk, pray or set up an appointment for further counseling.
St. Andrew's received a lot of positive feedback after bringing the service back in 2020, though it was only offered online then—"it was a chance to sit still and take a breath, " she said. Many emailed or said they felt replenished from the moments of quiet reflection in the midst of all the holiday celebrations, she said. Last year, a hybrid in-person service was held in addition to being online. This year, the in-person service also will be livestreamed on the church's website.
"The whole world is grieving in a way—it's not like it was in (early ) 2020, it never will be like that again. We've all had to adjust in some way and continue to adjust, find new patterns and new ways to be with one another, " said Patton-Graham. "The hope is we will continue to circle back and rediscover community and connections, that we not fall into the same patterns of busyness and assumptions that we lived before."
FINDING SUPPORT
