Set in Lane County, local authors' novel illustrates intricacies of leaving abuser

Almost everyone knows someone who has been hurt by domestic violence, yet, despite the prevalence of the problem, many are still mystified as to how a person can get stuck in the situation.

Using their combined 16 years of experience running local domestic violence shelter Womenspace, now named the Hope and Safety Alliance, as well as lessons from their own troubled childhoods, Pearl Wolfe and Evelyn Anderton want to provide some clarity. They worked closely together for three years crafting "Walk Out the Door," a fictional account of a real issue.

“I wanted to get the word out about what how this happens because even people I knew would make ridiculous statements about ‘Why don't they just leave?’ ” Anderton said. “I’d have to explain to them what happens.”

Those who work with survivors of domestic abuse know the grim statistics well. Finances, co-parenting, pet ownership, home ownership and family relationships can all get in the way when disentangling from a romantic partner, however, it’s often when someone tries to leave their abuser that the situation gets most dangerous.

In their book, Wolfe and Anderton explore what it can take to leave through one of their main characters Liz, who quickly becomes entrenched in a new romance that takes a turn, mirroring the mistakes and trauma of past generations. Set in many familiar landscapes of Lane County, readers will find three different stories that demonstrate many of the contradictions and complexities of domestic violence as well as hope for escape.

In addition to normalizing conversations around domestic violence, the authors are hopeful the book can help answer the ever-present questions loved ones who witness dangerous dynamics have: What can I do? How do I help?

“Hopefully reading this book will give people some tools,” Wolfe said.

The two are also hoping the book will be a staple in shelter libraries and support groups to give survivors a story that can help them process their own past.

Using fiction to give the problem a face

The Hope and Safety Alliance began in the 1970s. When Wolfe and Anderton worked together at the domestic violence shelter in the late '90s, they were a dynamic duo – often writing grants together. Wolfe described the job as both incredibly challenging and one of the best she had in her career.

They were struck with the idea of using fiction as a platform years ago. Once Wolfe joined Anderton in retirement, they were able to fully pursue the idea and took turns writing each chapter. The trick was to not sound too preachy or too technical, they shared.

“My daughter was the one who said ‘Get rid of the social work jargon in the book. It’s so alienating, Mom, you really need to talk in English,’” Wolfe said. “So, we really tried to make the book accessible to everyone.”

The two have had time to process their own childhood experiences with domestic violence as well as the hardships they witnessed in their careers. Writing the story was at times frustrating, fun and cathartic, they said, and led them to share stories with each other they never shared before.

“Writing a book together was not a simple thing,” Wolfe said.

She laughed.

“It was pretty amazing,” Wolfe said. “And we’re still friends with each other.”

The book is available at local bookstores and online. Information about future book signings can be found online at https://pearlwolfe.com.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month

While working at the shelter, Wolfe and Anderton spent time talking to the community about the issue through forums, school visits, club meetings and faith gatherings. Much has changed over the last few years, but the issue hasn’t gone away.

“There are improvements, but these kinds of social issues take generations to really change,” Anderton said.

So far this year, the Eugene Police Department has had 281 offenders charged with domestic violence. In 2021, there were 414 total and in 2020 there were 357 total.

The Hope and Safety Alliance now responds to more than 600 calls from the Eugene/Springfield area each month, providing some combination of food, diapers, tampons, clothing, shelter, housing support or safety planning to those in need. Over the last year, the organization has had an increase of survivors accessing services, Brandi Yanéz, Programs and Equity Director, said in an email. They saw about 1,000 survivors, not including their children, at their business office this past year.

The nonprofit receives requests for emergency shelter multiple times a day, but the options are limited, the waitlists are long and shelter availability is critically low, according to Yanéz.

This year, the Hope and Safety Alliance is joining the National Network to End Domestic Violence in their national campaign for Domestic Violence Awareness Month, Every1KnowsSome1. The organization hopes to highlight how common domestic violence is and expand awareness of the topic beyond physical violence. One in four women and one in seven men will experience domestic violence in their lifetimes, according to the organization.

“In order to support survivors, and prevent domestic violence in the future, we all need to normalize talking about it openly and candidly,” Yanéz said. “We need to change the conversation around domestic violence – and we need your help.”

Throughout October and November, Hope & Safety Alliance and their national partners are raising awareness and educating people on the complex dynamics of domestic violence. Through the end of the month, there will be fundraisers at local breweries and restaurants. A Week of Action that starts Monday includes Purple Thursday. People can wear purple to raise awareness about domestic violence and share a photo on social media using #PurpleThursday and #HopeStarts.

. More information can be found online at hopesafetyalliance.org/dvam.

If you or someone you know needs help in the Eugene/Springfield area, call the Hope and Safety Alliance’s 24-hour crisis and support line 541-485-6513 or 800-281-2800. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).

Contact reporter Tatiana Parafiniuk-Talesnick at Tatiana@registerguard.com or 541-521-7512, and follow her on Twitter @TatianaSophiaPT.

This article originally appeared on Register-Guard: Lane County authors novel illustrates intricacies of leaving abuser